


Threes a Crowd

by ifiOnlyhadmorePaper



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Chick-Flick Moments, Comfort/Angst, Crushes, Endgame Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Eventual Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone Thinks They're Together, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Heavy Angst, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Love Confessions, Mommy Issues, Mood Swings, Morning After, Moving On, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, POV Alternating, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pregnancy, Stolen Moments, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Twins, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 80,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifiOnlyhadmorePaper/pseuds/ifiOnlyhadmorePaper
Summary: - Takes place after PP3 -After Beca's big performance, things seem to be changing for her. New job, newly acquired and unexpected fame, but she's still pining and Chloe?... she's working on it. The two battle to maintain closeness, in a fight for unrelenting and unspoken love, but are met with a few obstacles."But that's not the point, the point is that things are different now and they're changing because we're growing and she's scared. But that's okay, we're gonna get through this. We always do."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, for those of you that are familiar with me, hi. I AM STILL WRITING HIGH HOPES, I am not abandoning it I promise! I just had this idea and I needed to have it down, and also to work out my frustrations from my other story. I will keep working on it I swear.
> 
> For those of you who are not familiar with me, welcome to the mess that is this story. 
> 
> Update dates might be a little far from each other (or not) depending on how many *good* ideas I get and how often. The P.O.V.'s will swap throughout, and I'm hoping it won't be too confusing or anything. If you feel inclined to read my other stuff, have a crack at it, but anyways here you go!

 

* * *

**End of USO Tour...**

 

I nursed my champagne, while I half listened to Theo, and watched the rest of the girls run amuck through the after party.

 

I _was_ on top of the world, but then Chloe walked into the party.

 

I always feel like I'm getting punched in the chest when I see her. Her red curls bounced with every step, under all these lights her eyes somehow still seemed brighter. I am looking at her and she is so beautiful. Theo had been yapping my ear off about all the things that are going to happen. I might've been tipsy, but my drink had nothing to do with the dazed look on my face as I watched her interact with all the Bellas. Then _Chicago_  walked in after her.

 

Shit, now I _really_ feel like I got punched in the chest.

 

That _fucking_ guy, God bless him for saving the country or whatever, always puts me in a mood. Stupid guy. I had to drink back the scowl that was about to appear on my face and I listened to whatever Theo was saying.

 

“All I ask, Beca, is that you even maybe just _consider_ it. I think it just might be worth your while.” I nodded along like I knew what he was talking about, but my eyes stayed on Chloe and Chicago as they made their way towards us.

 

“I'm sorry, consider what?” Please for the love of all the things good and wholesome, give me a distraction or excuse. I'm asking for a friend.

 

“Evermoist? Doing a collaboration of sorts?” What? Okay, wow, I mean, sure, whatever. They're good, I like them even if you would've asked me a few weeks ago I would've said I hated them, they have talent. I nodded and smiled, I could see them drawing nearer so I act on the first thought in my head.

 

“Oh yeah, definitely! Let's go find them now.” I could see Chloe pushing her way through the crowd, and Chicago's hand is a the small of her back, guiding her. I made a quick maneuver, and grabbed Theo's hand to pull us through to the far end of the party, picking up another champagne glass as I go. Not tonight.

 

* * *

 

“We’re not looking for some fucking pity album because you feel bad for us-” Calamity stared me down, her underlings mimicking her death stare, but only doing it half as convincing.

 

“It’s not. Khaled said you guys had talent, I'm embarking, or whatever, on my career, so I intend to see it through. I don't pity people who could obviously handle theirs.” Her face softened at that, just a little, she put her finger out to say 'one sec’ and I waited, watching her whisper something to her band mates. I saw Chloe in my peripheral, and she was chatting with Chicago, laughing that laugh, touching his arm, and immediately when the server came by I picked up another glass of champagne.

 

“So,” I brought my attention away, from my new glass and Chloe, to focus on Calamity. “We'll sign the contract in LA then?” I smiled at her, there's eyes on me, which was a ridiculous statement considering _everyone's_ eyes were on me, but this was a specific person.

 

“Yeah, can't wait to work with you guys! Right, Theo?” I looked at him, he was staring at me _again_. In an attempt to make myself look busy, I slightly turned to him and angled my words at him. I was  _not_ going to look in her direction because the last time I looked in her direction Mr. Right was _right. There._

 

“Right, boss.” Theo grinned at me, I swear he was just getting cheesier by the minute, I swear to God. I slammed my new glass of champagne, but not before I clinked my glass with Calamity's, Charity's, Serenity's, and Veracity’s glasses. I think that's all of them. When I brought my glass back down, all of them laughed at me and whooped.

 

“Damn, _show stealer_ , where do you put it?” Calamity bumped her shoulder with mine and I just laughed along, but no one could see the utter despair inside of me.

 

“I don't suppose you need another drink?” Theo was only joking, but another drink sounded great.

 

“Is that even a question? Rum and coke, please.” He raised his eyebrows at me, I'm feeling a little whimsy and kind of reckless, but finally he decided to start moving to do me this grand favor that he doesn't know is so 'grand’. He started to walk away, the girls were laughing probably at the way he thought I was joking. “And Theo?”

 

“Yeah?” He turned to face me, and I took a step closer just to see his turtle face squirm. I'm incredibly awkward and usually can't flirt my way out of a paper bag, but with the four glasses of liquid courage I've already had, plus the one he was about to bring me? I'm golden.

 

“Go slow, I wanna see those pants move.” I stared him deep in the eyes, I could hear Chasity and Serenity going 'Oooooh’ behind me. It was funny, his ears turned red, and I saw his Adam's apple move as he gulped. When I turned back to them, I winked at him from the side, and he cleared his throat before practically running to the bar.

 

Not gonna lie, I'm sort of feeling myself right now.

 

“So that's how you got it.”

 

“I'm sorry? Got what?” I looked at them, and they looked over my shoulder and then back at me.

 

“The job, you got Mr. Worker Bee following you around like a lost puppy.” She wasn't wrong. “You hitting the sheets?” I laughed and rolled my eyes, that was a no. Before I could say anything, I saw Chloe making her way to me, Chicago being tugged by the hand behind her.

 

“Now that you mention it…” Theo made his way back, and I took his hand, leading him away from the group. “I have more business to take care of! Have a good night!” They all just smirked at me, Theo looked confused, and now Chloe and Chicago were out of sight.

 

* * *

 

“Holy fiddlesticks!”

 

“Hey, watch your fucking mouth, Legacy!” I'm really feeling it now, because every chance I see Chloe I could feel her wanting to talk to me, but all I'm doing is ignoring her. I promised I wouldn't forget her or treat her differently, and that wouldn't have changed if her boy toy didn't get in the way. I downed my drink, I couldn't even feel the burn down my throat anymore.

 

“You can't be serious, Beca.” Emily shook her head at me, and I nodded.

 

Despite this shitty feeling in my stomach, I'm so proud of her.

 

Sure we produced a while back, but she's finishing school and since she gave me my ticket here, it's time to return the favor. “Dude! Oh my God! Oh my God, I love you so much! You have no idea what this means to me!” she started to tear up and when she did, she hugged me.

 

 _My_ freaking Legacy was about to finish college, and come work with me.

 

I tried so hard to prove that I was gonna do  _something_ and be _somebody_ , she believed in me and looked up to me, I had to pull through. If not for me, then for her. She's a good kid. Theo was smiling at the whole thing, it was kind of creepy, but at the same time I'm glad he's not such a prick. Well, he is, but he's the prick that works for me so.

 

She was going to make me cry, and I usually don't care, but my makeup took like two fucking hours, and that couldn't happen.

 

“Hey, hey, save the emotions and shit for the song writing.” I could feel her nod against me, but then when I let go, Chloe was behind her. To my surprise it’s _just_ Chloe, no Chicago. Theo disappeared somewhere, right when I needed him.

 

Prick.

 

“Hey, superstar.” my heart fluttered at that nickname. I'd love to just be mad at her, but at the same time she had no idea. But can you really not have any idea after putting up with someone for seven years?  

 

****

 

“Hey, Chlo.” Regardless of the massive amounts of people here, and Chicago, and Theo, I see Beca and it's like walking into our apartment again. Like being home. I always knew all her dreams would come true someday, and she'd make a name for herself. I always hoped to play a big part of it, and I like to think that I did.

 

“Enjoying the party?” Looking at her now, I'm so proud of her, she's got everything she ever wanted. Is it selfish to wish that she wouldn't go? That we would just go back to New York, and just keep going with our lives in those four walls? I don't want to let go of Beca just yet. We've been together through everything, now I'm gonna have to let her go to start my life so she could start hers too. She's my best friend, she's my roommate, and now she's a big star.

 

“Yeah, you?” I'm not. Not really, not in the slightest. Talking to Chicago is great, and talking to the girls about tomorrow morning when we all go out for breakfast, it was all great and fun, but I missed my best friend. I knew that tonight was her big night, and she was gonna be a little busy so I couldn't keep her to myself, but I felt so far from her. Like the separation had already started.

 

I'm not ready to separate, we still had a couple months after we got back didn't we? Why are we separating now?

 

“Yeah, I mean it's alright…” I bit my lip, while trying to figure out how I'm even supposed to address feeling ignored at _her_ big performance after party. “I was actually hoping to-”

 

“Hey Chloe!” Damn it. Chicago was with his group of friends, I could see him waving me over. “Chloe!” I looked at Beca, she was making a face and I knew that face. Beca was hurting, I could see her breaking, it was all there in her eyes right now. I couldn't just leave Beca like this, she was supposed to be having fun, this was all for her.

 

“You should get over there.” She sighed, and my chest tightened when I saw the way she was twisting up inside.

 

“But I haven't talked to you all night and-”

 

“It's okay.” She interrupted me, I could hear the pain in her voice, and I can't pinpoint it to the source, but I have to find out. If I don't, so help me God. “I get it, go have fun.” all I could do is stare at her. She put her arm around me, but that still didn't fix this weird distance between us. “Chlo, it's okay, we have plenty of time to talk, okay? Now get your pretty little self over there.” She gave me a little squeeze before sending me off to Chicago.

 

She said we have plenty of time to talk, but do we?

 

I put on my best smile and walked over to him and his laughing bunch of friends. I looked back expecting to see Beca, but she was gone.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**Morning after...**

 

The whispered phrase 'let’s get out of here.’ was supposed to make me forget and just let it all go, but if I let it all go I would've cried and every guy knows it's not good to hook up with crying girls. Theo was surprisingly pretty fit, I mean he had it going on. I wasn't expecting it since he's just so… Theo. He would've been the stuff of my dreams if I was moody, closed off, ‘alt-girl’ Beca. Though everything felt good, it didn't feel good. He would've been phenomenal if I was interested, but something was missing.

 

With every kiss, and touch, I couldn't get her out of my head. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but I still wasn't over her. She was still seared in my brain, that image of her and Chicago was engraved into my eyelids. No matter how much I tried to drown her out I couldn't.

 

I kept wondering how it would feel if Chloe had been looking for me, if she had kissed _me_ instead of Chicago. And to think that I was gonna tell her, I sure as hell can't tell her now. She's happy, and best friends are happy that their best friends are happy even if they're not. Telling her now would be selfish, and make her feel guilty, and Chloe didn't need to feel guilty for something I never told her.

 

There were times when I thought she might  _maybe_ feel the same way, like when she'd put a flat white coffee next to my laptop and a blueberry scone from my favorite coffee place around the corner just because, or when I would leave without a jacket she'd haul ass outside to give it to me.

 

_“It's New York for chrissakes, Beca. It's freezing, you're gonna get sick.”_

 

But then again, that's what best friends do. They look out for each other. I would always leave her a sticky note with a new ‘Knock Knock’ joke under her coffee mug before she left for work, or make her a new mix even though she has literally hundreds already. The only difference between her scones and my 'Knock Knock’ jokes is that I'm in love with her, but she's just looking out for me, and that's just the sad and depressing truth about it.

 

I felt Theo's breath on my neck, his arm across my midsection, the sun was pouring in through the linen curtains, and I could see the little dimple on his right shoulder. He didn't actually look like a turtle, I was just pulling his leg. He was making a lot of eye contact, and I'm still new to properly socializing, so I had to say _something_.

 

He isn't bad looking, he was just extremely cheesy and it was _kind of_ endearing. A good part of me wants to just stick around here because I know I'm wanted, but the other part is telling me to run because I know this isn't real. He looks a lot less nervous and nauseous when he's sleeping. His nose twitched a little, just once, like a bunny. I moved my arm around the side of him, my bicep is cradling his head, and I gently ran my fingers through his hair.

 

I know this isn't right, it's not, rebounds and replacements or step-ins aren't my style. I like first place opposed to second, so why should I deny Theo that choice?

 

He's a good person, he was asking me all last night if I was okay, it was fucking annoying for a good part, but he was just looking out for me. Kind of like Chloe. Not that I'm comparing.

 

I carefully slipped out from under him, my head was sore from the party, he barely stirred. I grabbed his shirt and some jeans from my suitcase. Thank God I left my shoes by the door.

 

* * *

 

I felt bad for leaving him there in my bed, alone to let him think that I was just going to disappear. I would if I could, but he works for me now. I could always put him at a different branch, but there's no need to have bad blood so early in my career. When I finally got down to the lobby, the first person I saw was Zeke. “Morning, Hollywood.”

 

I resent that.

 

He was nice, but he was Chicago's friend so he was guilty by association. It was too early to loathe anyone, other than myself, right now so I laughed it off.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Not to be rude, but you look like you had one helluva night.” Yeah. I did. When I kept walking toward him, to have an actual conversation instead of sort of yelling through the lobby, I caught my reflection and holy _fuck_ he wasn't kidding.

 

I didn't look bad, my makeup artist did really good it was all still there, but sex hair and two or three bite marks spread from my neck to my cleavage. To top it off, I miss buttoned this shirt. I could see, and hear, him laughing realizing that I just now saw myself. I literally looked the physical embodiment of drunk sex.

 

“You have no idea.”

 

I'm so fucked.

 

I laughed to make light of the situation, and then I realized that Theo and the girls were gonna be up soon, so I should get out before anyone sees me. “Hey, Zeke?”

 

“What's up?”

 

“If Theo comes down here, you never saw me.”

 

“When did I see you?” I nodded and patted him on his shoulder before walking away from him.

 

“Good man.” I need to adjust myself, or just get out of here. I find it wiser to go with the latter.

 

****

 

I never want to get out of this bed. Not because the actual adult world is out there after today, or that I'm leaving to California for school, but because it's so comfortable. I'm literally melting into it and becoming apart of it. There is no way I would want to share all of this glorious cool gel memory foam bed, with hypoallergenic Egyptian cotton blend sheets. Not if you were a demigod or someone with a million dollars. This bed felt more expensive our apartment, it was so amazing, but I have to get up. My Bellas are waiting for me. I got up, the sun was shining through my window, my clothes were laid over the chair by the window.

 

I'm okay, everything is okay, Beca's weird mood yesterday was probably just all the pressure from being famous now.

 

God, I'm so lucky to know someone like her.

 

No, I'm just lucky to know her.

 

She could have shouted me out of her shower, ignored my invite to be a Bella, and ran off to LA after her first year, but she didn't. She swallowed her pride and became an acapella nerd just like me.

 

Making music with her is the most exhilarating thing I've ever experienced. Singing alone is great, but singing with Beca is… wow. I've never gotten goosebumps from singing a few bars of Bruno Mars in an empty pool before.

 

I grabbed my clutch and on my way downstairs I glanced at Beca's door. She'd definitely be suffering from a severe hangover right now, so I decided to go for coffee.

 

* * *

 

I waited in the coffee shop, and it's still so surreal to me that I'm in Paris right now. There was a strong smell of coffee grounds and fresh baked goods, there's a simple rose in a small glass vase on each table, pulling together the white linen tablecloths, and the pink napkins. Everything is so beautiful, everyone is so beautiful. Cordelia, the woman behind the counter, called my name and I got my cappuccino and Beca's flat white and a blueberry scone. “Merci beaucoup!” She nodded at me with a friendly smile.

 

I gotta say I am killing this whole french thing, if I didn't just get into vet school I would just runaway here.

 

It wasn't too far from the hotel, Zeke offered to walk me, but I'm a big girl I can handle myself. As I walked back, a few guys whistled at me, and I saw a short little girl with blonde hair and her puppy had the same color fur.

 

“Morning, Zeke, hey, Chicago.” They were just in the lounge area past the lobby, and they stood up, their height towered over mine.

 

“Hey, Chloe.” Chicago just simply waved. I had to let him down easy last night. I just wasn't feeling it, it wasn't anything other than a surface crush, and I really shouldn't just jump into anything right now. With getting into vet school, and having been overseas for maybe a little over a month, it's not the time for this. I can't have distractions, and I've only known him for a month and not in a normal setting, on a tour in a different country. I don't know what he's like away from work.

 

What if he's one of those weirdos that wear the shoes with the little individual things?

 

Yeah...

 

That's a nope.

 

Regardless, it's not something to pursue. He's a great guy, the kiss itself was good, but it honestly felt like I was one of the actors in the rom-com kissing scenes. You know on the outside, everyone wants this kiss, but to the actors and actresses, it's a regular Tuesday and there's nothing special about it. I said we could still be friends, and the offer stands, and any time he's in the states to give me a buzz, but it doesn't seem like it's going that way. Which is fine, I have all the family I need.

 

* * *

 

In the elevator I listened to faint sounds of music playing. Something classical for sure. I'm wearing heels, and walking down the hallway is so much fun because I sound like I'm walking with a purpose, my diva walk, like I have somewhere I need to be. Well, I'm visiting my best friend with coffee and pastries so I technically have a purpose.

 

I knocked three times on her door, I couldn't help but bounce on my heels, as I waited for her to answer. We're growing, me and her. We're growing _together._ She opened the door, she had her hair wrapped in a towel, and she was wearing a big white shirt. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was Theo's.

 

I thought she said he looked like a turtle?

 

“Hey, Chlo.” She opened the door wider, letting me inside. In every room she's stayed in through all the countries we've been to, they all smell like her, but this one smelled like someone else too.

 

“You sleep alright?” She normally smelled like lavender and vanilla, but I was smelling sex and Giorgio Armani.

 

“Yeah, I mean I guess, I have a killer headache.”

 

“Well, I wonder why Ms. Party Animal.” She rolled her eyes at me, and smirked that smirk that's just for me. My special Chloe smirk. When I got in, all the sheets had been stripped from the bed, and her clothes were sloppily stuffed into a suitcase.

 

“Is this for me?” she pointed at the coffee and the small bag with her scone in it.

 

“Yeah, I stopped this morning.” I gave her the cup, when she reached out to get it the shirt came apart at the top button and I saw them. There were two dark bite marks on the left swell of her breast and the right. I looked further up and there were two more on either sides of her neck, she looked like she got mauled.

 

I realized I was staring too long and she nonchalantly moved the shirt in the way to block them. Beca's fragile, she doesn't really like to talk about these things with anybody, I could barely get her to tell me anything about Jesse, so I respected her privacy.

 

****

 

Oh my God, that scone was like sex in my mouth. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but I feel like I cheated on Theo, I moaned so loud when I bit into it.

 

Is it possible to cheat on Theo?

 

I mean we're not together, not after one night. But he _is_ a good guy, he's sweet and considerate, I should stick around for the treatment I deserve right? “Is that good or should I leave you to your orgasm?” she laughed at me, and I gave her a guilty smile with my cheeks full of the blueberry goodness.

 

God, what did I do to get a best friend like her?

 

“Thanks, Chlo.” I mumbled through my food, when I took a drink of my coffee, and the mouth party was back. “Oh my God, is _everything_ better here?” She laughed at me, I remember her laugh like I remember my favorite song.

 

It's beautiful, it puts butterflies in my stomach. Everything about her does. The smile, the morning hair from when we'd share the bed, she was the first thing I saw and God she was so fucking gorgeous when she wasn't awake.

 

“So, where'd you go last night?” what do I say? I should just be honest, I mean it's not like she cares anyway, she's got Mr. Right or whatever.

 

“Just back here.”

 

“Who'd you bring back?” She gave me a suggestive and wicked smirk.

 

“Nobody.” I chugged my coffee, and she was just about to start asking more questions when Amy knocked on my door. “Morning, Am-”

 

“Alright, Shawshank, who made you banshee last night?” not helping. I looked at the both of them, their arms crossed and staring me down with those stupid smug faces, more girls came by asking the same question, Cynthia even had  _Stacie_ on FaceTime.

 

I love my awesome nerds, but _God_ I hate them right now.

 

Just when I was about to tell them to shove it and leave me alone, Jessica and Ashley spoke up.

 

“Girls, if we wanna make it to check out, we'd better get down there.” I will never be able to repay them for stepping in uncomfortable moments like these.

 

* * *

 

Breakfast with the girls was good. It was sad at first, but it was more of a 'I’ll miss you.’ type of sad. We weren't escorted by Chicago and Zeke, we wanted this last morning for ourselves. When we got to the plane, Theo was there waiting, talking to someone with a suit and an earpiece.

 

“Good morning, Bellas.” He was looking right at me when he greeted us all. I could see his eyes crinkle at the corners from under his sunglasses, and the creases his smile makes in his face. “I thought instead of flying home in a normal airplane, you could use Khaled's jet.” my eyes went wide, and I heard my Bellas behind me screaming and gushing.

 

“Thanks, Theo.” All the Bellas rushed on, and a few of Khaled's people loaded our bags.

 

They're kinda my people too now, aren't they.

 

Fucking awesome.

 

“Not at all, boss.” That stupid nickname. Gosh, he's such a fucking dork, I swear. I smiled at the ground and I looked back up at him.

 

“Here,” I dug my hand into my pocket. “You left your wrist watch in my room.” I gave it to him and he nodded.

 

“Thanks.” He looked at someone behind me and I turned around to look. “I'll see you soon.” I gave him a little salute, and I turned to go. When I boarded, I saw all the Bellas pampering themselves with champagne and various drinks.

 

“Wow, Shawshank, you're already getting some star treatment.” It was nice, but I just wanted to enjoy my girls for now. I settled down in a seat and I looked out the window.

 

 _I made it._ No, I wasn't somebody awesome like Rick Dee's, and no, I didn't run off earlier to become P Diddy. I was just unapologetically myself, and I worked hard to get where I am. Even when I didn't think my opinion mattered, I stuck to my guns, my brutal and undiluted confidence was enough to put myself up there. There were no substitutes, no artificial anything. I was meant for this, my mom always told me I was always destined for greatness, and now everyone else knows it too.

 

I knew it in my heart that one day the music that thrummed through me, escaping as a heart beat or tapping my fingers on anything, would be able to move a crowd and place a stepping stone to make my path clear. To every old high school classmate, every teacher, every employer, to dad, and John Something and Gail What's Her Face from the stupid podcast, I want to know how it feels to be wrong.

 

****

 

If this was only the beginning of Beca's career, than she'll definitely be well on in the near future. She won't have to worry about excessively small apartments, or having enough money for a cab ever again.

 

I'm proud of her.

 

I poured myself a glass of champagne and I cleared my throat, all the Bellas eyes were on me. “Ladies, it's been wonderful, and I know that, physically, we'll be apart, but I want you all to know that we'll always need each other and we'll always be together. We're together when we listen to music, or when we share stories with our kids. I love you, guys.” Everyone clinked their glasses together, enjoying small pleasantries before take off, and then I saw Beca staring out of the window, nuzzling her chin into her scarf.

 

She was still wearing that dress shirt.

 

I walked over to her, she barely even realized I was standing there until I said something. “You okay, Becs?” She whipped her head around to me, she had been crying. “Beca what's wrong?” I sat down in the seat next to her, trying not to talk too loud and attract the other girls attention.

 

****

 

I am so in love with her.

 

God, I'm so _in love_ with her.

 

This fucking sucks, she has no idea. It hurts so much. She's responsible for all this; for every ICCA competition, winning World's, DJ Khaled noticing me, none of this would've ever happened if she didn't believe in me, if she didn't rope me in with those fucking eyes. All of this is because of her, and I don't want any of it because nothing counts if she doesn't love me. “Nothing, this is all just so _crazy_ , dude.” She smiled gently at me and my heart hurt. My heart hurts every time I look at her and she smiles, she smiles at me like I'm someone important.

 

“I bet it is, Bec-”

 

“Beca!” I looked over to the door and Theo stood there, his chest was heaving, he was panting, and there was a slight sheen of sweat on his face. I stood up and I met him in the middle of the aisle. “Beca.” then just like that, he crashed our lips together, the kiss grew hot and heated, my hands reflexively cupped his scruffy cheeks, and his hands held my hips.

 

This was wrong, I'm in love with Chloe and he doesn't know that.

 

But maybe it's time to look at my other options.

 

When our lips parted, our breaths were heavy and labored, I rested my forehead on his and we stayed like that for a while. My thumb ran over his bottom lip, as I held his face in my hands. My heart beat fast, not because of him, because all the Bellas were still there, I just made out with a guy they were positive that I wasn't interested in, and I was running out of air.

 

“What are you doing here, Theo, doesn't Khaled still need you?” He had this look in his eyes, the same look from last night when he kissed me on the balcony in my hotel room.

 

“Yes, but,” his right hand left my hip and rummaged through his coat. He pulled out the same wrist watch he left in my room. “I’m going to leave this with you, and I want you to know that I'm going to come back for it.” He pulled off and put it on my wrist. “I promise.” He looked at me, his pupils blown wide with this promise.

 

I kissed him.

 

Hard.

 

It felt good to know that you're wanted, that _somebody_ wants you, and even though it won't feel as good as being wanted back by the person you've wanted for years, it still has a sense of reassurance, and that hope that one day I won't die inside every time I see Chloe. I won't die inside because I don't have her, and I will be loved the way I wish she loved me.

 

So, I kissed him, and one day when I kiss him, I'm gonna mean it.

 

I could hear all the Bellas shouting and high fiving and I laughed when I pulled off of his lips.

 

“Go. I'll see you soon.” He rested his forehead on mine one more time, and kissed the corner of my mouth, as he gave my small hands a squeeze, and then he was gone.

 

****

 

Why does it feel like, all of the sudden, I'm out of air?

 

Theo kissed Beca, and Beca kissed him back.

 

I was right about the way she ended her night yesterday, about the cologne smell, and that _other_ smell, the shirt, the bite marks, I was right about all of it. I kind of hated being right because since I'm right that means that I wasn't wrong and Beca was lying to me. I hate it when Beca lies, and especially about such big things, even turtle man!

 

Well, he doesn't look like a turtle, and he had faith in Beca, but I don't know why now that I just saw him making out with my best friend, I want to rip his limbs off.

 

“Beca, I'm so happy for you!” I looked at Emily, who was hugging my happily flushed best friend. All the other girls were crowding her, and she was no longer crying because that freaking Brit wiped her tears away.

 

That's my job.

 

“Well, Legacy, looks like you owe me some money.”

 

“Amy, you're a multimillionaire now, I'm sure you don't need an extra five dollars.” Emily scoffed at her hustling attempt.

 

“Wait, you guys bet on me?” I really couldn't believe it either.

 

“Well, yeah… I thought you'd drink up that cup of tea,”

 

“And, I thought you wouldn't.”

 

“So, we made it interesting and threw some money in the pot.” Beca looked mortified, and I know she's embarrassed because her ears a practically glowing, they're so red.

 

They always get that way when I bring her regular order from the coffee place around the corner. I am barely able to get her a cup of coffee and a scone without her getting even just a little flustered.

 

Speaking of small gestures, I didn't get my 'Knock Knock’ joke today.

 

She probably just forgot…

 

Yeah, she just forgot.

 

“But regardless, we're still happy for you, Beca.”

 

“Awe, you guys.” Beca cooed and she hugged the both of them, but now when she was tearing up, I could see that she's still hurting, but I don't know why. I'm suddenly not in the mood to join this conversation, so I sat by the window in the seat facing Beca's and I drank my champagne.

 

I think I'll drink hers too.

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

**First day home...**

 

Chloe's mad.

 

I could see that she's mad, one of the few perks of being hopelessly in love with someone is that you can read that person like your favorite novel. I could see that she's mad even when she's asleep. I know when she's not having a good dream, sharing a bed with her for two years meant watching her dream when I woke up first.

 

One time I forgot to charge my phone and it was dead all day, and I had a board meeting on top of that, and when I finally plugged it in there were about half a million messages, DM’s, and voicemails, mostly from Chloe freaking out about my 'disappearance'. She was pouting so hard in her sleep after I got in, if she didn't have to password to my phone I swear I would've snapped a picture of her because it needed to be a thing.

 

But why was she so mad? She hadn't said a word since we'd taken off, she downed her glass _and_ my glass of champagne. Normally if this were anyone else, I'd just assume they were a nervous flyer, but since this was Chloe something was off. After stealing my liquid joy, she crashed out, without a word. It was weird, she'd usually ask me to wake her up from naps, or she'd talk to me until she couldn't keep her eyes open and fall asleep, but this time there was none of that.

 

“Why are you pissed at me?”

 

“I'm not pissed, Beca! I'm fine, okay?” I could see the way she was ripping the clothes out of her suitcase and putting them on the rack, making it shake in the process. She’s not so convincing, and she just yelled at me for asking. Chloe doesn’t yell much, _especially_ not at me.

 

The only time her voice gets higher than usual it's because she's excited or panicked. If I know Chloe Beale, I know that she doesn't yell when she gets mad, she stews and waits it out so she doesn't say anything she doesn't mean. But she was yelling now.

 

 _“'Fine’_ isn't completely ignoring everything I say for freaking hours, dude!”

 

“It’s nothing, Beca!”

 

“No, you're mad and I want to know why.”

 

“A lot of people want to know things.” she scoffed and chuckled bitterly at what I had just yelled. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

 

“Know what, Chloe?” I pinched the bridge of my nose, I could feel Theo's watch slightly weighing down on my wrist, and then I think about him. I could use a scruffy turtle man hug right about now. I am _so_ not in the mood for fighting with the only other person in the world who gives a very deep and genuine shit about me right now.

 

“Why didn't you tell me about Theo?” Of _fucking_ course! Why can't I ever fucking win?

 

“What is there to tell, Chloe? I was _\- am,_ still figuring it out. Did you want me to give you the deets about positions and stamina? What did you expect me to say?"

 

“I wanted you to say _something_ , Beca! You were avoiding me all night and then I come to find out you practically ditched me for a guy you swore you weren't into!” Shit, it's not fair that she can read me too.

 

“I was _not_ avoiding you!” I lied.

 

“So you're into him then?” Really? She's gonna ask me that?

 

“ _That’s_ what you just got from what I just said?” She just pursed her lips and continued to unpack her bag. “What does it matter, Chloe?”

 

“I just want to make sure that I know who's being held responsible for when my best friend is stolen from me.” No one could ever steal me from her. She knows that I'm always gonna be here and I am. I try to be.

 

“No one's gonna steal me, I'm here, okay? Can we just be _here_ right now?” She didn't say anything to me, she just let the anger filled silence carry on, and then without warning she left.

 

Nope, not happening.

 

* * *

 

It was fucking freezing, my jacket was inside, and I am willingly doing cardio just to catch this girl, and for what? To keep lying because I'm trying _so hard_ to move on? She's my best friend, and even if I can't have more, I will fucking fight to the death for what I can get. “Chloe!” I know she could hear me, but she kept going. “Chloe Beale!” She turned around, she looked mad for a second but then she ran back to me.

 

“What have I told you about not wearing jackets? Hurry up and get inside before you get sick.” My brain somehow unconsciously made the choice not to get my jacket for this reason. Or maybe I have no fucking common sense when it comes to seasonal clothing. I'll go with the first option.

 

“Not unless you come up.” She rolled her eyes and started to push me back towards the complex.

 

“Just go, I'll be back soon.”

 

“No. We're not leaving _anywhere_ angry, and I wasn't done talking to you in there.” She only seemed to get more irritated, but, honestly? Fuck it, she could be irritated with me upstairs with a cup of tea because it's fucking cold out here.

 

“Unless you want me to catch a cold or pneumonia or something…” she huffed out a breath and started storming off toward the apartment, leaving me in the dust, but not before she walked back and grabbed my wrist. I guess I _can_ win after all. Well, not really, but you know baby steps.

 

****

 

Beca, somehow, always gets me to calm down when I'm upset.

 

Not that I'm upset, I'm fine.

 

No, seriously, I'm fine. I was just… disappointed. Why wouldn't she tell me anything about Theo? I mean, she didn't exactly show a lot of interest in him to begin with, so I really didn't have a reason to think anything of it until I saw the proof in her hotel room, on her body, and on her wrist.

 

I just thought maybe she'd tell me that something was going on, you know? 'Beca and Chloe’ tell each other things. But it's fine, whatever. A part of me really wanted to believe that it was just some rando from the after party, but everyone could clearly piece together that it was Theo. And then it didn't help very much that she was gonna start working with the guy soon. I know it's not my business to say, but that's not a good choice.

 

Nevermind, nope, it _is_ my business to say because people who love and care about each other tell each other that they're not being smart.

 

But I'll tell her that bit some other time, we _just_ stopped fighting.

 

I thought I was losing her, I couldn't let that happen. I can't even think of it now without feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't want to be those best friends that aren't best friends anymore because of a guy, that’s not who we are.

 

Already, he was sweeping her off her feet and carrying her away to where all her dreams are, leaving me behind. What's so special about me anymore? She's met her match in the music industry, he's got it all, the talent, the cheesy jokes, love for music, he's _somebody_ , but me? I'm just a little pissant compared to him.

 

He better own up to his promise on the jet, or I swear the last thing he'll see is red and I am _not_ just referring to my hair.

 

I want to be happy for her, I truly do, and I'm trying but I'm just so… worried. What's gonna happen to us? She'll start texting _him_ 'Good morning.’ first, she'll call _him_ on her lunch break instead, and some day she'll go home to _him_ instead of me, and I'll just be an occasional visit.

 

She won't be able to just come with me wherever because chances are Theo will take up a lot of her schedule now, work related and not work related. Of course he should, he's her boyfriend now. Wait, _is_ he her boyfriend?

 

_“What is there to tell, Chloe? I was- am, still figuring it out.”_

 

I just want to make sure that she's getting everything she deserves. I want to know that that gorgeous smile is there twenty-four seven, even if he has to go out of his way to do it.

 

She's Beca Mitchell. She's beautiful, and funny, and clever, and considerate, she takes silence and turns it into symphonies just for fun, she has a different joke for every situation. I just love to see her smile and be happy, so much so that when she's frowning, in deep thought, she gets so mad when I smooth over the crease between her eyebrows, but I don't care because it stops the serious look on her face.

 

I expect someone to go that extra mile. To get her her favorite coffee and a scone, to make sure she has a jacket before she leaves, that she has food in her stomach before leaving the house and going to bed, and that she laughs just as much as she blinks, because she deserves all of that. I'm just not so certain that Theo's gonna do all that.

 

But I sure hope so.

 

* * *

 

She said she wasn't avoiding me, but something in my gut tells me otherwise.

 

I ignored it.

 

Maybe I was wrong to think that, I mean she was obviously busy with becoming the famous superstar and producer I knew she'd be. Apparently, she had already started business with one group and a solo artist. The group was Evermoist, I didn't think she'd ever really want to associate herself with them, but she thinks that they were good. Now that the job is hers, anyway.

 

_“They're here for a reason, Chlo, and I don't think it's to play Riff Off with us.”_

 

She had made a fair point, and I couldn't argue either because How a Heart Unbreaks was a _really_ good song. “Who's the solo artist? Tell me!” I kept begging her and I expected some random person she heard playing on a street corner while we were there or something, but if it was it wouldn't be such a big deal.

 

“Emily.” What?

 

“Emily, who?”

 

 _“Our_ Emily.” My jaw dropped open, and I looked at her with this surprised expression. I can't believe it, my favorite brunettes are gonna be stars!

 

“Beca Mitchell, you did not!” She snagged her lip between her teeth and bobbed her head.

 

“Oh, Beca Mitchell did.” She's literally my favorite person in the world, she's so funny and sarcastic that conversations can be had with just simple facial expressions. She's just great, she was the best friend I needed in high school. I can only imagine what would've happened if I'd met her sooner.

 

Despite the thought of what it _would've_ been like to have known her all my life, it feels like I have in the seven years we've spent together. She feels like my favorite pair of sweats on a lazy Sunday, or like letting my hair down after a _really_ long day at work. She's familiar. She's comfortable.

 

“That's awesome! When are you guys gonna start? Is it like an official contract-studio time thing, or-” My phone started ringing, and then there was Chicago. I looked at Beca's face, her words aren't saying anything, but the way her face slightly fell did. I debated on answering, but then Beca cleared her throat.

 

“You should get that.” I'm so dumb, I answered and I definitely shouldn't have. This was supposed to be our time.

 

I mouthed her an “I’m sorry.” she shook her head, telling me it was okay. I wasn't even completely listening, but I'm pretty sure he was asking me about the flight.

 

“I'm gonna go to bed.” She mouthed at me and I pouted, but then I thought better than to argue, she was exhausted, and very obviously dealing with something, maybe some sleep might do her good. She slipped into our bed, and then I continued my conversation on the other side of the clothes rack so I don't keep her up. She just needs rest. That's all.

 

“Goodnight.”

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

**Five weeks later…**

 

“Beca?” I didn't answer because I was too busy hurling my guts into the toilet. Nothing I ate was going down without a fight. “Beca, honey, are you okay?” Am I okay? No, I'm not okay, I can't keep anything down, I think I might have the flu. Man, I shouldn't have left without a jacket. My stomach finally settled after fifteen minutes in front of the toilet, I think I might've thrown up my kidneys. I rested my head on my arm.

 

Oh my God, what if I contracted some foreign disease?

 

Oh fuck me, I bet I have Ebola.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

 

* * *

 

“Theo, you didn't have to send us a car, we could've just-”

 

“It's fine, my pleasure. Only the best, boss, only the best.” I know he was trying to be all cute and charming because we're in a weird... thing right now, but Jesus sometimes I wanna punch him. I can't control it, the rage that is just running through me right now. I could feel my face get hot and red, I rolled my eyes so hard I think I might've temporarily gone blind. I fucking hate favors like this, Chloe and I would've been perfectly fine getting a cab, but no, this cavity inducing guy has to get a town car for me - I mean - for us.

 

“What have I said about calling me 'boss’?” My voice was as steady as it could be, but you could hear the irritation seeping in as the conversation goes. I sat pressed up against the door of this stupid car, I could see Chloe just sitting there awkwardly, trying not to listen in, but it's kinda hard when everything I say is said with an unusual amount of aggression. I could practically hear him internally regretting what he just said to me.

 

“Right, right, yeah, sorry. It won't happen again, bo- B-Beca.” I let out a breath, and I tried to calm down, but Jesus Christ everything is frustrating today. “I’ll be meeting you two at the airport-”

 

“Actually, Theo, we will be meeting our friend Stacie, so no. You won't be.” I'm not being mean, he's just frustrating sometimes.

 

“Right, okay. Enjoy the flight, see you soon.”

 

“‘Kay, bye.”

 

Okay, so maybe I _am_ a little mean today. It's not my fault I woke up on the not-so-sunny side… for the past few weeks.

 

****

 

When we pulled up to the airport, Beca seemed more than happy to get out. Well, happy isn't _exactly_ what she is, but I could just tell she wasn't too hyped up about having a fancy BMW pick us up from the apartment. She was never the one to enjoy attention, I remember her saying she wanted to get to Stacie's as discreetly as possible, and well… arriving at LAX in a luxury vehicle couldn't be further from that. I can understand her frustration about the whole ordeal, but it was _a little_ excessive.

 

And honestly, she didn't have to talk to Theo like he was just an employee, I'm fine with the whole 'baby’ talk. Sure, it's sounds way lame and nauseating when it's other people, but hey, I get it. I'll suck it up, I'm happy if she's happy, and if talking to her boyfriend like he's her boyfriend, or whatever he is, makes her mood just a little better then that's fine by me. “You can be happy, you know. It's not gonna kill you.” I tried to joke with her, but she didn't say anything. She just kept her head resting between her knees with her hands joined at the base of her skull. She did this a lot when she felt overwhelmed. I would try to ask, but lately asking her questions gets you your head torn off, which I prefer not to do.

 

“Everything okay, Becs?” I looked over after getting my purse, and I saw that she probably refused the driver's help, and was trying to pull out her suitcase from the trunk by herself.

 

“Yeah,” she breathes, while trying to jerk it out. “Totally.” She blew a strand of hair away from her face, only for it to fall back to its place in between the bridge of her sunglasses.

 

“Need some help?” I started to walk over, slinging my bag over my shoulder, and I walked to the back of the car.

 

“No, I'm good.” She kept trying, but it was stuck because she had been pulling it from a funny angle, she was trying too hard to get it out.

 

“Here, let me-”

 

“No! I-” I lightly shoved her, and when I got the suitcase out without a problem, her jaw dropped for less than a full second, before her lips came together in a thin line. “Got it.” She moved her hair out of the way, and she moved her bag on to the curb.

 

* * *

 

No one said anything for a good five minutes into the airport, just mostly pointed directions and nodding at each other. I could tell she doesn't want to talk, and that's fine. I don't mind it being quiet, it's actually kind of nice sometimes. This time, though… this time feels a little different, her usual vibe seems way off today, and for the past few weeks. She's just overwhelmed though, everything is fine. As we're walking past all the little shops, all of the sudden there's at least six guys with cameras in our faces.

 

“Beca Mitchell! Beca Mitchell!”

 

“Can I get you to tilt your head a bit, love?”

 

“Beca, over here!”

 

“Big smile, Rebeca!” oh no…

 

“Who was that?” she stopped dead in her tracks and gracefully took her sunglasses off. A few cameras were still flashing, but a good amount of them had stopped.

 

“Oh, _very_ pretty eyes.” said a tall gentleman with blonde hair. The majority of his blonde curls were hidden underneath a navy blue beanie, there was stubble on his chin, and he was wrapped up in a black pea coat. Dumb guy kept flashing his camera in her face, she didn't look angry, her face was actually very relaxed right now, which was extremely terrifying.

 

“What's your name?” she still held her sunglasses in her hands, pointing at the man with them.

 

“Bradley Simmons.” He kept twisting his head, snapping as many pictures as he could.

 

“Did _you_ call me 'Rebeca’?” Her voice was low and eerily steady. He hummed in response, she drew closer to him and the flashing of his camera slowed, all the other paparazzis just watched, no one was taking pictures except him. I got stuck watching from the side, seeing her get closer to him. He stopped when she was directly in front of him, another guy on the other side of him was about to snap a picture, but I glared and him and shook my head, causing him to rethink his actions and put the camera back to his side. Bradley seemed frozen in place, his eye still trained on the lens, peaking through. My heart just about stopped when she so very gently put her hand to rest on top of his camera, slowly pushing it down away from his face, exposing bright green eyes and a slack-jawed expression.

 

“Bradley?” I could see him gulp from here, the tension was thick enough to cut with scissors. Her tone seemed light, and unusually sweet.

 

“Y-yeah?” He was holding his camera in front of his chest, he straightened out his back so that he was no longer hunching. She took a step closer, causing him to slightly stumble back, angling his chin upwards.

 

“Bec,” I attempted to draw her back from whatever she's about to do with _a lot_ it witnesses, and airport security _everywhere_. I tried to grab her shoulder, but she just lightly lifted her hand and waved mine away. A gesture I'm not familiar with, but I think I should take that as my only warning, so I retract my movements.

  
“If you _ever_ want to make money taking pictures of me, or _anyone_ else, you will _never_ call me 'Rebeca’ again.” Her voice was so calm and sounded completely non-threatening, but if you saw the enraged blue flame in her eyes you'd think different. I looked around and no one is concerning themselves with me, Beca, and the paparazzi, which was good, maybe it _won't_ end up on TMZ.

 

She was staring him down, I could see the bead of sweat dripping from the side of his head, down his temple. “I'd like to get to my flight on time now.” She stepped forward as she put her sunglasses back on, he stumbled backwards as he tried to quickly move himself out of her way as she walked past him without so much as looking back to see if I was following. After that, the paparazzi made themselves scarce and I discovered a new level of fierce that I didn't know she harnessed.

 

* * *

 

Beca hasn't exactly been pleasant since we've came back from Paris. She's still Beca of course, but she seems very… irritable lately. She laughs, she gets excited, but she has her mean streak. Her mood swings are so intense and just all over the place. Stare at her for too long, she'll snap at you, try to avoid her and then you're _'acting weird'_. Very complicated. One minute she's fine just sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast or on her phone, then the next she's totally cheesed off, working on a mix and then getting frustrated because the mix _isn't mixing_ and something's missing, and then all of the sudden she's yelling at Fat Amy for eating the last almond cranberry granola bar, even though I was _just_ about to go grocery shopping and buy more. Then there's Theo.

 

_“Hey, you.”_

 

_“What do you want?"_

 

I'm not _too_ excited about this weird limbo thing they've got going on, but poor guy, I mean all he did was do us a few favors. Then I have to remember Beca's not a big fan of favors, never has been, especially not the ones that involve town cars and first class. She likes doing things by herself because:

 

_“That's what you do when you're a functional and independent adult.”_

 

She refuses until she can't, she would probably ask for a refund for all of this if it wasn't too much work for her. Girl is stubborn as a pig. _Especially_ when she's sick, it's worse. She _hates_ it when people make her feel like she can't do things by herself, so then she acts like she's not sick at all, but really she's pulling a Posen and choking it down.

 

Okay, that wasn't funny, but it's true.

 

No, it was funny.

 

I think it might be similar to Aubrey's situation though. She was stressed and in transition after a really huge and embarrassing event. Only difference between it is Beca didn't humiliate herself, it was the exact opposite, but maybe she's overwhelmed and anxious just like Aubrey had been. It's not every day when you do a huge performance and it goes horribly wrong _or_ incredibly well.

 

****

 

I'm stuck on a six hour flight to see one baby. _One baby._ The only thing special about _this_ baby is that it's _Stacie's_ baby, and Stacie is family, so I'm gonna love this kid with all I got just like I love her with all I got, but come on it's _a baby_! It looks like _every other_ baby. Jesus, I swear the Bellas bugged with that while we were overseas. Waiting around in my hotel room, trying to figure out what to baby's gonna be like.

 

_“What do you think it'll look like?”_

 

_“Have you seen a baby? It'll look like that.”_

 

It'll be nice to see Stacie though, _and_ the baby of course, but I was pretty bummed when she couldn't make it, you know having an eight months pregnant lady belly and all. It wasn't too bad since Legacy stepped in for her, but we don't tell Legacy that, if she ever asks us: of course she was always invited! But it still felt like a little part of the group was missing. As embarrassing as they might be, I missed her crude and vulgar statements, it always fills a silence. Stacie always been a close friend of mine, she's always there for a chat, when I look totally bummed out she comes around with a pick me up.

 

_“Hey, gorgeous.”_

 

_“How's it goin’, pretty lady?”_

 

_“What up, hot stuff?”_

 

And not very many people know this about her, but she's fucking brilliant, that long legged Einstein of a woman. She was taking advanced _everything_ , and she looked good while doing it. Woman made quantum physics look sexy, I don't know how she did it, but she did. She's the _only_ person who knows _anything_ about the Chloe thing. She spotted me, one night at a Treblemaker party, sitting in the furthest lawn chair from the pool where Chloe was.

 

…...

 _“Hey, beautiful!” I lolled my head to look at her, I was w_ _earing sunglasses at eleven o'clock at night and I looked like a douchebag, but I don't care. If it hid my hopeless heart eyes then it was whatever._

 

_“Hey, weirdo.” she handed me a beer with a warm smile that made me smile. Hey, if I don't have Chloe, I know I have Stacie. We drank in silence for a bit, the condensation from the beer bottle made a small, wet, ring on my jeans._

 

_“How you holdin’ up, hoss?” I raised an eyebrow, trying not to give away my utter shock at the question._

 

_“'Hoss’? What, are we in a Midwestern film? Is this Bonanza or something?” She put her hands up in defense._

 

_“Hey, I was just asking.” She put her hands back down. A part of me is wondering what she was doing over here, with me the sulking wallflower, instead of on the dance floor where all the fun people are. I stared at Chloe, I watched her dance, her hips moved from side to side with each beat, her hair whipped around her in a breathtaking fashion, she was dancing with Flo and Cynthia Rose, and so much of me wished that she was dancing with me. That she was wrapped up with me, that she was with me. I know it's childish to do this, but I wished on the brightest star in the sky and wished that she was mine._

 

_“You don't have to say anything, but I'm here if you wanna talk.” My eyes filled at that. Holding this much in was killing me, and no one knows the struggle of loving someone from far away instead of up close like you want to. I trust her. I turned to face her, and I swung my legs off the lawn chair. I took off my glasses and I looked at her. She looked at me, and there's nothing but love and understanding, she's not judging me, or asking me anything, she's just being there._

 

_“It hurts so bad, Stacie.” My lip quivered, and my insides were trembling, and then I started to cry. She took a spot next to me and I cried into her, and I cried to her._

 

_“I know, honey, I know.”_

 

_And she's right there. The whole time._

……

 

She never said anything to anyone, and I know because secrets like this would've been the hottest topic at breakfast the next day. Stacie was always there, she was always the first one to check up on me when Chloe wouldn't. I don't know how she puts up with me, but God I'm glad she does.

 

Despite the fact that we are polar opposites, we're really close.

 

She's fun, and confident, and _tall._ I'm like an old woman, cranky, and awkward, and _short_. If this were high school I'm not sure if she would waste her time with me, but if she did then I'd be one less moody teen. It'll be good for me to see her, cheer me up a little.

 

****

 

First class is nice. You have the choice between orange juice or champagne, the seats are comfortable, it's spread out enough to have leg room _and_ elbow room, and those things are rare, _especially_ when you've been flying in coach, or economy, for your whole life. There aren't very many people here, it's pretty quiet, I'm picking a movie to watch. It's kind of hard because I don't really like action movies, and if I watch a romance movie there's not doubt I'll cry, and horror movies are out of the question because I'm an easy scare. The only other types of movies are SciFi and comedy. SciFi weirds me out, and I don't wanna laugh like a maniac in here. It's first class for crying out loud, gotta be poised and sophisticated.

 

I would ask Beca, but she's of no help right now since she's sleeping, and she hates movies anyway.

 

At first I just thought that that was a way of trying to ward off Jesse in the early stages of their friendship, but no. She really doesn't like movies, I mean she doesn't _hate_ them, but she can never get herself interested enough to actually sit still and watch. But she'll still happily sit next to me and keep me company. That _would_ be nice, but I don't want to wake her right now. I'm not gonna lie, that paparazzi stunt at LAX put the fear of God in me. Waking her up isn't a good idea anyway, she's already grouchy and moody enough as it is, but when you wake her up, it's like you're dealing with an angry toddler with _very_ colorful choice of words.

 

_“Lilly broke the keurig.”_

 

_“Son of a bitch, is nothing fucking sacred in this house?”_

 

She's been in her head a lot. Amy comes back home every once in a while, but I'm not too sure where she's at. Since she's got so much money now, I'm sure she has no idea what to do with it so it's no surprise that she's gone most of the time. But without Amy in the apartment, it's just me and Beca. Usually it's not too big of a difference, but she's been a little off lately. She hasn't really been _talking_ to me talking to me, not like she used to. She's still present, you know, she still acknowledges me and stuff, nothing's changed there. It's just that she seems a little more distant than I'm used to, and I'm not sure that I like this little throwback to her freshman year.

 

That was a really difficult time, for me _and_ her. She was dealing with stuff, and I saw something in her the moment I saw her at the activities fair, so I tried to wiggle through her walls, and she kept shutting me out. She's doing it again, but just in a less obvious way, but I see it. But that can't happen because we're 'Beca and Chloe’, we're supposed to be past this, she's my Beca.

 

Wait…

 

That's what it is! That's what it is, I know now because she's not _my_ Beca, she's _Theo's_ Beca now. Things are changing, and this is just a transition. I mean I can't blame her for being a little more closed off than usual because a lot of things are changing for her right now. She's getting higher up in the industry, she's gonna start dating a guy and it's been a little over a year and a half since Jesse broke up with her.

 

She says it was mutual, but Amy and I could obviously see that it wasn't.

 

But that's not the point, the point is that things are different now and they're changing because we're growing and she's scared. But that's okay, we're gonna get through this. We always do.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your opinions? Let me know! I read them all!


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

  **After the flight...**

 

“Beca!”

 

“Beca Mitchell!” Okay, seriously I just wanted to find Stacie. Chloe was in front of me, blocking me from most cameras, but these people wouldn't budge. We walked up to baggage claim, I looked for my case, I just wanted to leave already, I was exhausted.

 

“Hey, Beca, loved Freedom 90!”

 

“Thanks.” That's all I really wanted to say, Theo and Khaled didn't really elaborate on how much of a hassle travel was going to be. I saw my case and the cameras are hovering around, not really flashing but I think one guy was recording.

 

Fuck it.

 

I pulled out my phone and I started dialing Stacie, Chloe was still standing to my right, blocking me from the view of one other guy who is insistent that I sing.

 

Nope, not having it.

 

I rolled my case, and Chloe continued her long strides in front me. She could see how frustrated I was leaving New York, but this was a different group in a different state, they weren't scared of me.

 

Yet.

 

Chloe and I found a small corner next to a payphone and a few vending machines. I was sent to voicemail three times, each time made me a little more anxious. I've never had so many people so determined to catch me at a vulnerable time, honestly I look like shit, I feel like shit, and my mood is shit. These people could not have gotten me at a worse time. I looked at Chloe, who was standing opposite of me, she seemed like she was trying to study my face, and cram before a test about it or something. I got no answer again. “Fuck me, ma-” suddenly arms wrapped around me, I shrieked in response, and I drove my elbow right into their side.

 

“Fuck.” It's Stacie, she slightly bent over, using Bella's stroller for support. “What the shit, Beca?”

 

“What? _You_ snuck up behind _me!”_

 

“Sorry, hot stuff,” She pulled me into a hug, I could see Chloe over her shoulder taking a look at baby Bella. “I wanted to surprise you.” Stacie pouted out her bottom lip with a slight smirk towards the end knowing she got me. I miss her. I know the proper tense would be 'missed’ but I _still_ miss her, I miss Stacie all the time, and now that I'm here in LA it just makes me realize how great it is that I get to see her for some time.

 

I miss my sister.

 

The paparazzi assholes were still lurking around, I saw the occasional flash from far away. Just as long as they can keep their stupid cameras out of my face, they're fine.

 

“Okay, okay, my turn!” Chloe squealed so loud, I have no choice but to step out of the way or get trampled by the redhead.

 

“Hey, girly.” I heard the smirk in Stacie's tone, but I was hearing a faint whining sound and I stopped paying attention to them, I couldn't hear anyone say anything else, I made my way to the stroller to take a gander at the pipsqueak. When I lifted the blanket, I saw a brunette baby, with soft features, and pudgy little legs and arms. She had little slightly-pinked nose, and her tousled curls under a cute aqua blue sun hat. Her eyes were squinting and her facial expression looked pinched and her brow was furrowed as she continued to let out desperate cries for her mama.

 

This baby is fucking precious.

 

I leaned over closer to her, Chloe and Stacie had busied themselves with small talk, but I could see Chloe occasionally peaking around Stacie. She stared at me questioningly, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I unbuckled Bella, and I swear to God I had no idea of what I was doing, but when I picked her up and held her, she pressed her warm little cheek flush against my chest, and then I lost it. I felt the tears threatening my eyes, I had my back turned to the girls, and Bella started to whimper and cry. “Hey, hey, little girl, what's the matter huh?” I ran my hand over her back, and I slightly rocked side to side. “Hey now, princess.” I coaxed her out of her cries and she fell silent against me, totally unaware of the cameras flashing. My eyes shot open, just as both Chloe and Stacie snapped a picture of me.

 

“You're good with kids?” Okay, ouch, like, shit, I'm not an evil witch or something, Jesus Christ.

 

“I-I guess…?” What else am I supposed to say? This is the first time I actually think about it. Other than this right now, I've never had too much interaction with babies. I don't have any younger siblings, only an estranged older brother, and all my cousins and aunts live in Washington, so I never see any until they're too old for me to keep my patience, but I haven't seen any of them since I was seventeen.

 

They stood in front of me, Stacie was still taking pictures of me and Bella, but Chloe just looked like she saw a dog walking on its hind legs. “What?” I felt Bella stir, and I turned my focus down to her, seeing her little fingers splayed across my collar bone. I looked back up and see Chloe, her eyes wide and in awe of my behavior, I assume, she looked back down, but then she looked right back up with a smirk playing on her lips.

 

“You're just a big ol’ softy, aren't you?” I should've seen that coming.

 

“Okay, yep, we're leaving now.”

 

****

 

I am so happy to see Stacie, I am, but none of that really matters right now, what matters is Beca was cuddling a baby when I literally thought she wasn't a kid type of person. I know, it's horrible to assume, but I really didn't have her pegged as a kid friendly type of person, I thought she'd be a little awkward and not know what to do, but I guess looks can be deceiving. Or maybe seven years spent together just didn't cover all the personality bases.

 

But, oh my goodness, the whole thing just melted my heart.

 

Full of surprises that woman.

 

It's wonderful.

 

We all got into Stacie's little white car. Beca’s sat in shotgun and I sat in the back with Bella, playing with her little toes while she slept. Usually if this were someone else picking us up, I would be pretty bummed that Beca left me to the backseat by myself, and got in the front. But this is Stacie, when the three of us are together Beca always makes it a point to sit next to her. I don't mind really, her natural spot is next to me, but when we're with Stacie she'll sit between us or she'll sit on the far other side where Stacie is. It's always been that way, they're close. Me and Beca are close, but they seem to share something that makes them close in a different way. I would be jealous, but it's relieving to see that Beca does actually trust other people, that it's not just me. She's got a lot of people behind her, but only very little of them bond with her to a certain extent. It's a good thing. Me and Beca will always be close, but not in the way she and Stacie are. 

 

I'm not jealous, it's fine.

 

But I do actually miss her company back here, but it's fine I have this cute little thing to keep her spot warm. I love babies, they're so cute and precious. I've always wanted to be a mother, ever since I was five that's all I wanted.

 

_“Chloe, what do you want to be when you grow up?”_

 

_“I wanna be a mommy!”_

 

I still want it, I want to be held responsible for making something amazing. I want the stretch marks, and the swollen ankles, and the midnight cravings. I want all of it in exchange for a little life that I can call my own. Nothing sounds more appealing to me.

 

****

 

It's hot, so I shed some layers. Can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss New York. I miss being cold, it's so hot here in LA. I guess I better get used to it, but damn I'm sweating like a pig. I'm staying in the guest with Chloe, but chances are I'll crash on the couch instead. At home, I don't exactly have a choice but to share a bed with Chloe, I mean I love it, I love her, and I would be able to sleep on Amy's bed if it weren't tainted, so torturing myself further is my only option. Here at Stacie's, though, I can sleep by myself on the couch and I can dream of anything but Chloe for once. I can do some moving on here, because Jesus I need it. The guest bed looks comfy though, I'm kind of debating on sharing just to feel a good mattress instead of the futon we bought off Craigslist from a really creepy guy wearing socks and sandals. The room is a creamy white color, and there's a cerulean bedspread that matched Chloe's eyes.

 

Fuck, I need to stop.

 

I walked back out the cozy little living room, filled with toys, a diaper genie in the corner, a high chair, changing table, and pack-n-play right where the coffee table would've been. “Find everything alright?”

 

“Yeah, yeah…” I looked at her, watching her make Bella a new bottle, and then she turned around to face me.

 

“So what's this I hear about you having a new beau?” She narrowed her eyes at me, her perfect eyebrows arched in what made it seem like I was in trouble.

 

“'Beau’, huh?” I said to distract her from the true motives behind that question.

 

“You looked very… worn out when Cynthia called me.” She waited for me to understand, and then continued to elaborate. “It's not a bad thing, B, you look great with sex hair, but what the hell happened while I was away?” Mr. Right happened.

 

“She uh-met someone.” That tasted disgusting coming out of my mouth. Stacie's mouth opened, and her stern expression fell into surprise.

 

“She met someone?”

 

“Who met someone?” Speak of the fucking devil. She finally joined us in the living room with that stupid smile on her face.

 

Fuck, it's not stupid, I love it.

 

“You, apparently, so spill em’.” I know Stacie was just trying to cover up our conversation after the intrusion, but I really didn't want to hear Chloe tell the stupid, tasteless, rom-com of a story she had to share about this guy. So, I walked over to the pack-n-play and leaned over to see Bella, her green eyes shining brightly back at mine as she laid on her back. I picked her up and she naturally curved into my arm, her face against my chest. She's so warm and little, I just want to smother her with love, but even I hate that, so I don't.

 

“You wanna give me the bottle?” I looked over to the both of them, just talking about Chicago and his stupid face.

 

 _“You_ want to feed her?” Stacie raised an eyebrow at me, and I just rolled my eyes. I'm so over this, what about me says I don't like kids? I don't get it. She gave me her bottle and I quickly brought my arm back to cradle her in my arms. “Our room is across the bathroom.”

 

****

 

Stacie asked me about Chicago. I told her the truth, we kissed and that was it, and that we still talk every day and he calls me sometimes, but that it didn't go much further than that. We flirt, I mean I'm a flirty person, and he just happens to reciprocate it, but it's nothing big. I had something for Bella, but I couldn't find my bag. “Hey, Stace, do you know where my bag is?”

 

“Beca put it in the guest room.” I walked around the table and I walked through the living room before I got to the hallway. Beca seemed to relax a little now that we're with Stacie, and I'm glad. Something about her just seems to cool Beca down. I'm usually the only one that can do that, but since she and Stacie have gotten closer, she helps too. It kinda bums me out, I mean I love Stacie, I do, but she doesn't have that same connection me and Beca have. Beca and I have literally been joined at the hip since her freshman year, we are inseparable, we have conversations without using words, I took her mind off of Jesse when they would fight.

 

Which was often.

 

I actually really hated Jesse, I still do even more because her temporarily damaged my best friend. He knew her before I did, though. That was the problem, he knew her as an acquaintance, as a friend, as a _best_ friend, and as someone she trusted with everything before I was any of those things. She told him about her internship our senior year, and I didn't know until last minute, when none of that would matter after we graduated. Of course he was her boyfriend, and he was _supposed_ to be the one who she trusted the most, but he's always going to know her in a way I won't. He's always going to be able to hold that over my head and that makes me nuts. We're close, but even if they're over now, he'll still be closer to her than I am. Now she's close with Theo, and even _he_ is going to know her in a way that I don't. I don't care what anyone says, Beca is my best friend and _I_ know her better than I know myself. I know her like I know the back of my hand, but now there's a new unfamiliar mark that I don't recognize, and that scares me. I got my gift for Bella, and back in the hallway and I heard Beca on the phone in Stacie's room.

 

“Yeah, I found everything okay… Chloe loved it, yeah… well, no, I thought it was alright…” she was talking to Theo. “Okay, fine you got me, it was pretty cool of you… I'm staying with Stacie… yeah, the one with the baby… she's just so precious, you'll have to meet her and Stace…” oh great, he's meeting Stacie. That's a huge step, he's already met all of the Bella's, but now she wants him to meet her other best friend and her baby, that's basically like asking him to meet her dad. Which wouldn't really happen because even if things are better with her dad, she's still weird about some things.

 

“Well, yeah I mean it's _a little_ crowded… no, I don't really mind, it's my family you know?... Yes, yes, me and family…” I could basically hear her eyes roll. Beca was always a family type of gal, she loves all of us. She protects everyone of us, she makes sure all of us are okay, when Ashley's grandfather died in the summer before her junior year, we made a trip to Newark to attend to the funeral and support her. She never left and if she threatened to, she wouldn't go through with it. A part of me tells me that it's her teenage self telling her to stay because her dad didn't. She's loyal and considerate like that.

 

“No, it's okay I don't mind… well, no we always share a bed… I don't know, Stacie has a couch too, I'm not out of options… it's here on Ellison, why?... No, I wouldn't want to impose, you've already done so much…” Beca doesn't like taking more than what's been given, she doesn't like to 'be selfish’.

 

“Well, see now I feel bad for not taking your offer… well, I guess, but only for a week… okay, I am literally getting cavities as we speak, stop… I would now, but I want to spend today with the girls and spend time with my niece… we'll do something tomorrow… okay, sounds good… and we're doing a tour of my office on Wednesday, right?... Okay, awesome, I'm so excited… okay, see you soon, be safe.” her office? Beca never told me about her getting an office. Is she staying in LA? 

 

Shoot, I'm gonna get caught.

 

I started to walk away, but no such luck. She caught me. “Chloe?” I turned around nice and slow and smiled at her.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What are you doing?” Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious.

 

“I was just getting something from my case, why what are you doing?” wow, really smooth, Beale.

 

“I was just on the phone with Theo… why are you being weird?” I flapped my lips like a horse and I scoffed at her.

 

“I am _not_ being weird, okay?” She eyed me for a second and then she sighed.

 

“Whatever.”

 

****

 

Theo wants me to stay at his condo. Usually I would pass up the offer, but believe it or not I actually kind of miss his dad jokes. It'll be good for me he is my…

 

Person? 

 

Boyfriend?

 

I don't know, but if I go I can clear that up. Staying with Stacie isn't really helpful right now, I thought having her around might help me, but she's only low-key advocating my unhealthy love for Chloe. I can't have that, I'm moving on to better things, nothing is better than Chloe, but _anything_ is better than this ridiculous hope that one day she'll love me back. I need to stop looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky for me, if I didn't know it was impossible I'd fight people over that because I truly do believe Chloe Beale is everything right with the world. Honestly, she could beat with a brass pipe and I'd still love her the same, but that is the problem. I love her too much and for too long, but I need to stop leaning on that feeling, I need to find a new feeling and I intend to find it with Theo.

 

He's safe, he's not crazy, and he actually fucking cares and notices me in a different light. What more could I possibly ask for? He's the ideal guy you want your daughter to end up with, he's great. He's been nothing but good to me with the car and first class and all of this, but what he always never fails to ask me is what he can do for me. I know he works for me, and I know he supposed to, but when he asks he's not asking because it's his job, he actually cares. It's nice to have people cater to you for a change. “Okay, so I was thinking for dinner we order Chinese, and watch Friends?”

 

“Yeah, sounds great.” But for now I want to enjoy my family.

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has some angst. Fair warning. Enjoy!

* * *

**Two days later…**

 

“And this is where you're going to be working, and this is Janine, she'll be your assistant.” I looked at the blonde girl, she had thick glasses, and a bold red lip. I extended my hand out to her and Jesus Christ her hands are soft.

 

“Hi, I'm-”

 

“Beca Mitchell, I saw your performance, you gotta a set of pipes girl, and _Theo_ here won't shut up about em’.” I couldn't tell if she was serious or if she's teasing, but I laughed anyway because Theo was blushing like a nun in a self pleasure store. Theo talks about me to other people. Wow.

 

“Well, can't wait to work with you, J. I-I can call you 'J’ right?”

 

“Dude, I've always been 'Hey, you.’ so 'J’ is definitely fine.” She snorted and she pushed her glasses back up. She's quite adorable, like the nerdy girl in movies.

 

Oh my God, Jesse would be having a conniption over her right now.

 

“I mean, I _can_ call you 'dude’ right?” I smiled at her, because of course she could call me dude. I don't want to be dragon boss lady. Could you imagine?

 

Ms. Mitchell.

 

Nope, not for me.

 

“Oh, totes-uh-totally.” I cleared my throat because what the fuck? 'Totes’ really? “Totally, um, Theo?”

 

“Beca?” He raised an eyebrow at me expecting me to continue, and he grinned at me. He _grinned_ at me and with that grin, I just realized I'm probably making my job a hell of a lot more complicated than it needs to be. But that's okay, because this grin, this smile he's looking at me with right now is something I wish was a regular thing, for someone to just look at  me like I'm the greatest thing to happen since Poo Pourri spray. Come to think of it, it _can_ be a regular thing. The ball is in my court now, I just have to make a decision.

 

“Wanna show me that office now?” I smiled at him and when I smiled at him, and he smiled back wider.

 

“Sure thing, Beca.”

 

* * *

 

He led me into this office, this is a _corner_ office, they don't just give those out to people. The view was fucking incredible.

 

“Oh my God… Theo this is… oh my God…”

 

“Hey, he's got nothing to do with this.” I rolled my eyes at his lame joke and he joined me at the window overlooking the downtown area of LA. “This, Beca, is because you are an _amazing_ artist and you definitely deserve this!” I hadn't said anything for a minute, I'm wasn't even smiling, I didn't looked at him at all, my eyes were glued to street below us.

 

I have to make a decision, and this one… this one doesn't seem too bad. I'm tired of basically chasing smoke with my bare hands, at least with Theo, I won't be waiting. I won't be longing after something I can't have because damn it I have him right where I want him, I just have to reach out and take it. I have to take my chance to make my life better, to do something better than nothing because that's what I've been doing for the past seven years is nothing and right now, right in this moment I can be doing _something_ instead of nothing. I can get what I deserve if I want it.

 

 _Do_ I want it?

 

I looked at him, and he had that look in his eye. The type of look that screams 'lovesick puppy’. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I kissed him like the only oxygen I will ever get will be from his lips. His arms instinctively wrapped around my waist, and he spread his hand across the small of my back and he leaned into me. I let my tongue run over his and I bit his lip to tell him to deepen the kiss, and he did. He tastes like spearmint gum and a hint of coffee.

 

This is okay, right? This is what moving on looks like, this is what moving on feels like, right? It feels like new thrills and heavy make out sessions in your new office, and being comfortable in the weird limbo before you put a label on it, right?

 

Yeah… right…

 

I pulled away from the kiss, we were both breathless. Panting into each other's faces, arms still wrapped around each other, and with lazy smiles on our faces.

 

“So you like the office then?”

 

“Definitely.” I said confidently, because though he is just so… Theo, that kiss had me very winded. So much so that I might just do it again. “So dinner?”

 

****

 

This baby is so freaking cute, I think I might die.

 

Everyone of Stacie's physical traits, Bella has. The only difference would be Bella's own little twists on them, like how instead of not having any dimples, she has three; two on the left and one on the right. Or her hair is a lighter shade of brown. Instead of Stacie's slightly wider nose, she has a slightly more narrow nose, from what I can tell there's only going to be the most subtle differences in the way they look. “Chloe, not to be like a mom or anything, every time you look at Bella you look like you're going to cry.” Stacie laughed at me, and she's not wrong, I do almost want to cry every time I look at her.

 

“Sorry.” I'm so proud of Stacie for handling this like it was just a natural thing for her. Well, I guess it kind of does just come naturally upon having another life to look after, other than your own. But that's not why I'm staring so hard at her with a stupid smile in my face. It's just that she almost looks like Beca, but that just might be me missing her.

 

“It's okay… do you want to hold her?”

 

“Definitely!” It just occurred to me that I haven't actually held her, really. Just mostly passed her off between Beca and Stacie, but now I get to hold her. She put her in my arms, and God she's so light, but I'm still scared to death that I might drop her. I stayed in one spot and I looked down at her little face. It seemed like I'd been there forever, just staring at her, but I'm sure it hasn't been that long.

 

“Okay, usually after like five seconds your feet start to move.” I looked up at Stacie, and I guess I was wrong because I've been standing in the same spot with Bella for three minutes. “You know, get to the elevator to go upstairs? Dinners waiting?” I rolled my eyes and I just followed Stacie into the elevator, we rode the whole way up in silence, then when we got to her floor the small jerk woke Bella. She started to wail and cry, I tried to give her her bottle, she took it for a few seconds, but then she totally rejected it and wailed.

 

“Shhh…” I lightly bounced as we walked up to Stacie's door, I kept trying to hush her crying and comfort her, but I couldn't do it. She wasn't budging. “Bella…” I said in a sing-song voice, but nothing. “Stacie, she won't stop crying.” I followed Stacie in and I'm instantly aware of the scent of Giorgio Armani and something cooking. Then I heard Beca and someone else in the kitchen.

 

Bella's still wailing and I couldn't really focus on anything, when I rounded the corner I saw Beca and Theo, and for some reason it felt like someone kicked me. That's all I could focus on, was the couple in front of me. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he had a white t-shirt that was obviously stained with red sauce. Beca was laughing and smiling, as much as I love to see that award winning smile, this felt different. It made my stomach turn and it made my chest hurt. She had Theo's black tie around her head as a headband, and she was wearing his shirt, _again,_ with her red and white heart boxers. She looked so happy, she had this smile that I had never seen before because I'm used to seeing a special smile of my own. But she wasn't smiling _my_ special smile, this was _Theo's_ smile.

 

* * *

 

“So Theo, what are your intentions with our Beca?”

 

Yeah, _Theo,_ what are your intentions?

 

His face seemed just friendly and awkward, but his ears were bright red. I could see his nerves about this, and I'm just about to feel better about this entire situation, but then Beca grabbed his hand. I had to literally pinch myself to suppress the frown my insides were threatening my face with. It didn't look right! Just about a month ago she was calling him 'turtle man’ and she was completely shooting down his efforts, what changed? Then I think of how I found her the morning after her first solo performance, and they must've shared something that night, she wouldn't just welcome a guy she didn't like into her life in that way. Oh God, and that time on the jet, when _he_ kissed her and then the second time around _she_ kissed him, and she was still wearing that _stupid_ watch.

 

She doesn't even like watches!

 

But he's her boyfriend now, so it's whatever I'll live.

 

But that's just it! It's not right because it really isn't! They work together, that's gotta violate some sort of rules right?

 

Something?

 

“I think the goal is just to keep a smile on her face.” Okay, first of all that's my job. Second of all, gross.

 

* * *

 

I was in the room with Bella, changing her diaper, and Stacie was behind me on the other side of the bed putting on her routine face mask. “What do you think, Chloe? Think he's good enough for our girl?” No.

 

“Well, he's polite and a gentleman so that has to count for something.” I didn't sound too enthusiastic about it, but I hoped it wouldn't show.

 

“He's awkward, she's awkward, they’re like the 'Where’s Waldo’ and 'Wendy’ of relationships, they just look right together.” Oh God, not you too.

 

“Yeah…” I sighed and I put Bella in her crib with her bottle.

 

“What's up, Chlo?” The one thing that is definitely not an advantage right now, is being so close with these women and having them be able to see right through you.

 

“It's just…” I don't know, but this doesn't sit well with me. “They work together, and Beca's worked so hard to get here. I don't want to see it all get thrown away because of stupid work rules.” Nice save, Beale.

 

“She's a smart girl, she'll be alright.” She finished and left the mask alone to dry on her face. “Now let's get out there and hope that there's no monkey business going on.” Oh no, I hope not. She wriggled her eyebrows at me and winked. I just let out a short laugh, and when we made it back out to the main area, I'm hearing a very familiar tune and beat.

 

“And you turn the cup… yeah! Just like that! Are you ready to start from the beginning?” I came out and saw exactly what I thought I was hearing, I was hoping I was losing my mind, but this is far worse.

 

She taught him Cups.

 

He's playing it on his own now, and this smile is just glued to her face, and for the first time in the seven years that I've known Beca I don't like her smile.

 

“I've got my ticket for the long way 'round. Two bottles of whiskey for the way, and I sure would like some sweet company, and I'm leavin’ tomorrow whattaya say?” I'm literally dying. I don't think I've ever seen anything that makes me want to cry, except those ASPCA commercials.

 

“You're gonna miss me when I'm gone, you're gonna miss my hair, you're gonna miss me everywhere, oh you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.” I just turned and went to my room and I lied down.

 

He has _all_ of her now, she _gave_ him all of her, she gave him entry, he's just in it now. He's allowed to be called her friend, and not just any type of friend her _boyfriend_ who she works with and is risking a career for. She gave him parts of her now, she gave him Cups. She taught him Cups, she never taught me Cups, she'd play it for me when I'd have a rough day at my internship.

 

_“I've got my ticket for the long way ‘round…”_

 

It would always make me smile, and it would remind me of her first audition after her very sudden change of heart, and the retreat when we all found our sound again. That song gave me so many beautiful moments, and for the first time upon hearing it I didn't want to listen and it didn't make me smile. I tried to keep quiet with my cries so our uninvited guest wouldn't hear and so I didn't attract unwanted attention because I needed to be alone right now. I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks, as I let out a shaky, wet sob, I kept gasping for air but I couldn't find any. My shoulders shook with every cry, until I finally settled down.

 

She's not my Beca anymore, that will always hurt the most because she's always been my Beca ever since I found her first, but she's Theo's Beca now. She gave him parts of her that she can't afford to lose, and I'll never know what parts she's lost when and _if_ he leaves I won't know how or what to fix. She's Theo's Beca and he holds parts of her that I don't and I will never know and she'll never get back, she trusted him with all of this and her job too. I hate it all, and I don't know why, but I have to be okay with this or at least pretend for her sake. He has her now, but Cups is _my_ song.

 

It _is_ still my song, right?

  
Was it _ever_ my song?

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, drag me for that last part! I know! I'm an evil person.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna start getting into it now.

* * *

**Three days later…**

 

I hope to God this was just one of her considerate things. I stayed over with Theo at his condo since he offered, I'll be back at Stacie's in a couple of days when Theo heads back to Europe. I'd been looking in my suitcase and she packed my favorite body wash, shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, and tampons. I really do hope that this was just a nice thing for her to do, I really do. She just packed my bag with necessary toiletries, it's fine no big. “Hey, Chlo!”

 

“Beca? You're supposed to be meeting us in like fifteen, is everything alright? Is it Theo?”

 

“What? No, everything is… fine…” what does she mean is it Theo? He couldn't hurt a fly if he wanted.

 

No literally, there was a fly inside the other day and he couldn't swat it, I had to kill it for him. Then he continued to pout because:

 

_“I am perfectly capable of killing my own flies.”_

 

I made it up to him after, it was fine. I still haven't been able to shake this stomach bug, and the weird thing about it is it doesn't seem to be contagious. Chloe's fine, Stacie's fine, and Theo seems to be doing fine as well. It's just me and then these tampons in my bag, and just fuck my life.

 

“Beca… are you sure everything is okay?”

 

“Yeah! Yeah, totally. I was just calling to ask you why you put tampons in my suitcase.” Please just be a thoughtful woman. Please.

 

“We always cycle together, you know that, and I just thought you were a little late with all the stress so I put some in your suitcase just in case you got it while we're here. Did you get it? Because I got mine and l am in desperate need of ice cream, what about you?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… ice cream… good! See you then! Bye!”

 

“B-” I hung up and I ran to the bathroom with my tampons and I am not on my period. But usually it takes me till midday, so I have time right? It's only two-thirty in the afternoon. It's past midday, but I can be _a little_ late right?

 

“Hey there, gorgeous.” he snaked an arm around my waist. I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

 

“Hey, you.” He kissed the crook of my neck, I leaned my head back on his shoulder. I have to tell him the slight possibility right? It'd be super fucked if I didn't, so I should tell him, right? “Theo, baby-”

 

“I like that.” I am so confused, what?

 

“Like what?”

 

“When you call me 'baby’.” I just smiled and rolled my eyes because of course he's making a big deal out of it. I don't use 'baby’ or whatever, but I didn't really mean to, but I guess it fits nicely. He kissed me sweetly, but then it started getting heated and as much as I would love to continue this, there is big fucking news I need to get to the bottom of.

 

“Okay, I have to go now.” He pouted and held onto my hand as I walked away until my fingers slipped out of his grasp. “See you.” I grabbed my purse and I was out.

 

* * *

 

What am I supposed to do? I can't tell Chloe or Stacie, not right now, this trip was supposed to be fun and now I have to actually consider things. Oh shit.

 

Oh shit, I'm panicking.

 

I stopped at a pharmacy and I browsed through all these pregnancy tests and Jesus, how did I even get here? What was I thinking? Oh my God. This is not supposed to be my life, I finally got to where I wanted to go and now this. This isn't me, I'm not sure if I can do this. What if I can't? The paparazzi are already up my ass, I don't want that when I'm literally the size of a planet. This isn't supposed to be my life, I'm not supposed to have kids before my career takes off, I'm not supposed to settle down when things are just moving so fast for me right now. Everything is barely falling into place, I've wanted this my whole life, what am I supposed to do? Theo was only supposed to be a distraction, and then he's my boyfriend now, but he's going to be the father of this thing growing inside me! I didn't plan on this, and I can't just let him when I've been settling this whole time, that isn't right.

 

Oh God, oh God, I just messed up his life. Oh my God, I'm a bad person. Oh my God, this is too much, this is too much. Oh shit. Fuck. “Are you expecting?” I lifted my head to see who was behind the counter and I saw an older, brown haired woman wearing a pharmacy vest. “Are you alright, ma'am?” I'm crying, shit I'm crying.

 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry I'm fine and uh… um, I don't know, actually I'm trying to figure that out… why am I telling you this? You don't want to know-” I payed for my test and I turned to leave.

 

“I'm here to lend an ear, I was in your place once.” I'm holding back a really ugly cry right now. I just nodded at her because I am busting at the seams, I am losing my fucking shit.

 

We got out of the store to the small coffee shop nextdoor, my phone kept buzzing so I set it to 'Do Not Disturb’. I took a look at the test in the bag and I let out a couple silent tears that Meredith couldn't see under my sunglasses. “It wasn't supposed to happen like this…” she just nodded and sipped her coffee. God, I am so pathetic you know? I am talking to a stranger about this when I could be talking to one of my girls, one of my friends, my _family._ Instead I am venting to a woman about this… situation, who doesn't even know me or my circumstances at all. But she's unbiased, she can give me advice and she wouldn't be going off of what I want to hear, though, right?

 

“My dreams _finally_ came true, I got most of what I wanted-”

 

“Most?” she arched an eyebrow at me, expecting me to elaborate on my choice of words.

 

“I was…” I took a deep breath in and I looked down at the cement patio floor. “I _am_ in love with someone who doesn't love me back… so I needed a distraction… my boyfriend… he’s the distraction…” she just stared at me, it made it so much better that she was just listening right now.

 

“I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I never wanted this for my life, to be the one without a husband or a home, I know that I got the job and that should've been enough for me, right?” I looked at her, her brown eyes are just filled with understanding.

 

“We're only human, and we do make mistakes. Lot's of them, with the people we love, our family, friends, coworkers, we make mistakes and as do they. But are you going to treat this like a mistake or an opportunity?” I started crying, my shoulders bounced with each sob, and I just let my head fall onto the table and I cried. Hard. People were looking and giving sympathetic smiles and murmuring about the scene I'm causing outside of this coffee shop. I hate crying in public, but I can't stop this. I can't stop crying. I can't stop fucking things up.

 

What am I doing here?

 

“I’m sorry, honey, but my break is up.” She got up and she looked down at me. “Don't worry. You won't know till you get there that you're okay.” She touched my shoulder, and then was gone, and I was still there crying. What am I supposed to do now?

 

****

 

Beca wasn't answering her phone. I called, no answer, and if she didn't answer that means she's busy with turtle man, or she's mad at me. But she can't be mad at me, she called me this morning and it sounded like she was coming.

 

Unless that Brit convinced her otherwise.

 

No, Beca wouldn't bail on plans like this. It wasn't the Beca thing to do.

 

“Oh my God, Stacie, what if she got kidnapped?” Stacie laughed at me, but I'm serious. We got kidnapped on the USO Tour by Amy's dad, what if he went after Beca?

 

“I don't think so, Chlo.”

 

“For serious, Stacie! Amy's dad, Fergus, went after us in Europe, what if he-”

 

“Calm down, Liam Neeson, she's walking this way.” I turned my head quick and I saw her walking this way. At first I'm relieved, but now I know that she just wasn't answering me. I want to be upset, but I'm glad she wasn't kidnapped. She doesn't seem right, I can feel it.

 

“Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, I wasn't feeling too hot.”

 

“Doesn't hurt to text, poor Chloe here thought you got kidnapped.” Beca turned her head to look at me and she smiled a little and she looked down at the floor. She's hurting.

 

“Got PTSD from Amy's dad or something?”

 

“Well, yeah it's not every day you get kidnapped by a rich maniac.” We're laughing, but there's something she wants to say. I know it.

 

“Very true.” she takes off her sunglasses and no makeup. Beca always wears makeup, she makes it a point now since paparazzi are everywhere here. She always likes to feel pretty, which she doesn't need makeup to do anyway, but that's like her thing. The dark eyeliner and mascara, that's her thing, maybe even if it's just mascara she always puts something on. Her eyes look a little irritated and red. She was crying, why was my - _Beca_ \- crying?

 

We're just walking around, window shopping. We stopped at a hat shop, there were racks on racks of hats and we put them all on. Beca refusing to smile of course, there were little smirks here and there, but she seemed gone for a second. “So, Beca, how 'bout that ice cream?” I nudged her, but she barely seemed to acknowledge me.

 

“I'm sorry, what did you say?” I just smiled and asked again.

 

“I _said,_ how bout that ice cream?”

 

“Oh,” she let out an airy laugh and shook her head as to clear the fog in her thoughts. “Sure, Stace? Ice cream?”

 

“Don't have to ask me twice.”

 

* * *

 

Beca's phone was buzzing non-stop, she seemed to be ignoring whoever was calling. I sat at the booth with Bella, Stacie was ordering her ice cream, and Beca was in the bathroom. She left her phone on the table face up, it started buzzing again and I looked over and I saw that it was Theo. It didn't say ‘Theo’ instead I saw 'Turtle Man’ with a turtle emoji next to it. I laughed a little, but I heard the squeaking of the bathroom door past our booth and I sat back into the booth. We sat in silence for a minute, and then I noticed that Beca was wearing her sunglasses inside. “What's with the shades, Judd Nelson?” She scoffed at that and she smirked, but she wasn't looking at me, she was looking through window of the ice cream parlor.

 

“You sound like Jesse.”

 

Okay, ew offensive.

 

I just laughed it off, but ouch that was mean.

 

She didn't take her sunglasses off, and she kept looking out the window. Her phone buzzed again, but she just turned it face down instead of answering it. She kept staring out and I twisted slightly to see what she could be staring at and I saw a blonde family of three. They had a little girl, the husband had her sitting on his shouldered and the mother was taking a picture of the two and then she leaned in to kiss him. It was cute, they seemed like a lovely family. I looked back at Beca and I couldn't read her with those glasses blocking off her eyes. Her phone started buzzing again and this time she grabbed it and tapped the screen a few times and then she put it in the bag next to her. “Who was that?”

 

I know exactly who it is, but I want Beca to talk to me.

 

She doesn't answer me I don't think she heard me, she's been really distracted this entire time. I was about to ask again when Stacie came with all our cones and bumped Beca. I turned my attention to her instead for a second to let Beca ease up. “Only took you long enough, Stace.”

 

“Well, yeah, Ice Cream Boy over there was flirting with me.” She winked and I laughed, but when I looked over at Beca she was hunched over trying to find something. When she looked back up, her eyes were even more red and puffy then they were before we went on about our day. She saw me looking and she just pushed them back on.

 

Why won't she talk to me?

 

****

 

I want to tell them that I changed my entire life because I'm an inconsiderate human being who likes to inconvenience her coworkers. I should've never invited him back just because I was miserable at the party, and now that I have just rerouted both of our lives without consulting him first, I'm dragging us both somewhere far away from the goal. That goal was to make music and not just music, good music. The world needs some of that and now we might not get it. He might not get it. That's my fault. I won't get it, that's also my fault. I am just fucking up all over the place now.

 

He keeps calling and I keep not answering. I am not in a very good headspace right now, how can I answer him knowing that I just permanently altered his life? I didn't even ask, and I don't love him, he doesn't make me feel like the sunrises just for me, I don't feel like he's the only thing keeping me grounded. I settled because I want to forget about the love I can't have and never will have, but now I'm just keeping him from having that. Who am I fooling here? I am not this amazing person everyone chalks me up to be, this… issue only proves it further.

 

I am a shit person.

 

* * *

 

When we all get back to Stacie's, I head straight for the bathroom. That ice cream wasn't sitting, and I knew why. I threw up everything, the bagel sandwich Theo bought me this morning, the pretzels from walking around earlier, and all the strawberry ice cream. Such a shame too, that ice cream was good. I put my hand on my stomach and I moved my thumb back and forth. “Okay, kid, I need you to take it easy.”

 

What am I doing? It can't hear.

 

It can't hear me right?

 

“Beca?” There was a light knock on the door.

 

“Come in.” Chloe walked in and she leaned on the sink.

 

“Everything okay?” No.

 

“Yeah, I'm… I'm okay…” I closed my eyes for a second and stared at the water tank for a while.

 

“Theo keeps calling.” I closed my eyes again and I saw that positive pregnancy test behind my eyelids.

 

“I'll get back to him.”

 

“Okay.” She lingered for a minute, but she left and closed the door behind her. I sat back against the tub and I cried.

 

What am I going to do?

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the journey begins!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fairly angsty. Enjoy!

* * *

**The next day…**

 

Lazy days have always been my favorite. It's literally the one thing that I love more than coffee. I've had at least one lazy day a week for seven years. Freshman year was spent in the dorm by myself, always on Saturday when Kimmy Jin would go out for laser tag with her friends, I was never invited.

 

Which was fine, but still she could've been a polite fucking human about it.

 

She'd leave and I could do whatever, but I'd usually make mixes or sleep, oh glorious sleep. The rest of my three years at Barden were mine and Chloe's lazy days, which included old sitcoms, naps, just talking, and recreating the ever so iconic scene from Risky Business, but we had to keep that a secret because if Jesse the Drama Queen ever found out that I was recreating movie scenes without him and with _Chloe_ he would’ve literally busted a blood vessel.

 

The following years my lazy days were more spread out, and more often than not spent by myself. Sometimes Chloe and me would literally just nap all day and just say how tired we were. Other times Amy would buy two pizzas and we'd eat them in our underwear and binge watch Law and Order SVU. Lazy days have always been a necessity for me.

 

Today I share my lazy day with Theo.

 

I'm wide awake, sitting up scrolling through my feed, and he's asleep as he should be at…

 

Shit, it's already two o'clock.

 

I should take a nap too, but I can't find it in me to relax right now. Everything is very still right now, today just seems so… elusive to me. It's a lazy day, and lazy days consist of everything slothful, and nothing having to do with thinking, but I am breaking the rules. How can I not? There is a lot at risk here and I'm trying to find a plan, an idea, just something to focus on, but the little water monkey inhabiting my body right now says different. I want to cry again, but I can't. Not in front of Theo. I should tell him, right? Or at least ease him into the idea? “Hey, Theo?”

 

“Yes?” His eyes were closed and he quirked an eyebrow at me. I really needed him to look at me, so I waited until he opened his eyes to look at me. He looked up and I looked into his dark brown eyes. “You alright, love?”

 

“Yeah.” I sighed and I closed my eyes for a second. I should just come right out with it, but I can't. “What do you think of kids?” I needed to know I didn't completely ruin his life, I can't keep this going, it's not fair. I opened my eyes and he was just staring at the ceiling. "Theo?” He cleared his throat and he kept staring at the ceiling. He doesn't look at me.

 

Shit.

 

“I haven't… I haven't thought about kids.”

 

“Well…” God, what am I going to do? “How do you feel about them?”

 

“I don't want to have any, I've always known that much.” there goes all my fucking hope. He sat up and looked at me.

 

“Go on.”

 

“I liked being on my own, I've never had any siblings, it was mostly just me.” He looked away and stared at the TV. “I've grown accustomed to that, I love to travel, and get totally plastered, and stay out for hours on end, and swearing-”

 

“Theodore Simon Priestley, are you telling me that you're a secret potty mouth?” holy crap, I thought he was a goody two shoes boy scout.

 

“You bet your ass, I am.” He winked at me and laughed. “I just don't see myself having kids, you know? I like my life just the way it is.” he leaned over and kissed me. “This is just perfect, don't you think?”

 

“Yeah…” I have to tell him. “Theo-” his phone started ringing.

 

“Hold that thought.” He took it to the living room and left me in the bedroom. I don't know what I'm going to do. He doesn't want kids, and I sure won't change his mind. What am I going to do?

 

“I'm sorry,” he came back in and started pulling on some clothes. “Khaled needs me, I gotta go. I won't be back till after dinner, but we have tomorrow morning, yeah?” I nodded and he gave me a quick peck.

 

“Bye.”

 

****

 

Something is wrong with Beca. I know it. She's been acting so distant ever since we left Europe.

 

Since _Theo_ happened.

 

She wasn't so closed off, she's starting to revert back to her moody freshman ways and I don't like it. The only thing that's changed between now and then is Theo and this job. She said she wasn't stressed, she was excited from what I could tell, but now that we're here and Theo's here, she's just completely back to the way this all started. I don't know why she won't talk to me, if this was Beca from New York, if this was _my_ Beca, she would tell me.

 

I don't like Theo's Beca, Theo's Beca avoids answering questions, and cries when she thinks no one is looking, and hides things from people who love her. She hides things from _me._ I'm Beca's best friend, she tells me everything, she trusts me, but Theo's Beca keeps hiding. She may _look_ like she's enjoying herself and our time here, but I can clearly see the pain in her eyes, and I see how she withdraws herself from us _and_ Theo.

 

There's a reason why she was ignoring him yesterday and I intend to find out why. So I knocked three times on Theo's condo door, with a bag of junk food and beer. I don't care if he's home, if he cares at all and sees how Beca's hurting, then he will gladly welcome me into his stupid rich boy house.

 

Stupid turtle man.

 

Beca opened the door, and I realized I don't actually know what I'm gonna say. “Everything okay- Chloe? What are you doing here?” 

 

Like ever.

 

“Hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to… hang out with me?” Oh God, what am I? A teenage boy who's never even seen a girl?

 

“Oh… okay, yeah… come in.” She moved out of the way and for the first time, I actually looked at her. Her eyes were excessively red and irritated, and she wasn't wearing any except sweat pants and a bra. Not that I'm, like, disturbed or anything, I mean I've seen all of her before.

 

Just as I put the food down on the coffee table, I remembered that night in the shower and I got goosebumps. That was our first song together, and that memory always leaves my brain on fire. I shook my head and cleared my throat.

 

I should keep my thoughts about my best friend rated G and I don't think nudity is allowed.

 

I looked back over at her and she pulled on a hoodie. I looked closer at it and I realize that's my hoodie, the little grouch took it from my suitcase! I would ask her if it's mine, even though I know for sure, but she just looks so cute and tiny in it. I'll let it slide, and I probably won't get it back, but it's fine.

 

“So,” she prompted and sat on the couch. “What do you want to do?” I have no clue.

 

“Well…” I don't regret coming here without a plan, what I regret is not wiping her tears away yesterday, or staying out in the dining room because maybe just _maybe_ she wouldn't have taught Theo Cups, and I regret not telling her she didn't have to leave Stacie's apartment because I had the bed. I would've gladly taken the couch, or shared the bed, or just found a hotel even if would have costed money, I would've paid with my arm and leg to be Beca and Chloe again.

 

That's it!

 

“I was thinking we could binge watch and eat junk until we pass out.” This will help… I hope. I gestured to the mounds of food on the coffee table and for the first time in what seems like forever, I got _my_ Chloe smile.

 

And hot damn, it is just as gorgeous as I remember.

 

* * *

 

I felt Beca scoot away from me. For a second I was pretty sad because I thought I was fixing this, but then she put her head in my lap and laid there. This is nice, we're relaxing, eating awful preservatives that are horrible for our bodies, but are too good to not eat. Instead of binge watching, I saw a drama comedy that Aubrey says is good, so I begged Beca to watch it with me.

 

Well, I didn't beg because she just agreed.

 

I don't know what's going on in her head, but the only good thing that's coming from it is the lack of argument when it comes to picking something to watch.

 

 

**You won't know till you get there that you're okay.**

 

 

Beca sat right up as that line was said and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. “You've gotta be fucking kidding me.”

 

“What's wrong, Becs?” She started balling, and she slid down the couch, and fell onto her knees.

 

“Beca, talk to me.” I rubbed gentle circles on her back, and then all of the sudden she's laughing, and I am so confused.

 

“I was-I was out the other day and I had a meltdown,” she paused to adjust herself and she looked at me. She looked very uncertain of what she was going to say next. “And this woman, _this woman,_ said that _exact_ same thing to me.” She laughed, she sounded bitter, almost amused, but mostly bitter.

 

“'You won't know till you get there that you're okay.’, she couldn't even give me original advice! She gave me a fucking script _from a movie!”_ she started crying again. I don't get it, she went from completely devastated, to a weird mix of amused and surly, then back to devastated. Before I could say anything, she was up and walking to the bedroom. I just mostly sat there, I didn't know exactly what to do, that all just passed me so fast, there was no foothold for me to use to help.

 

I'm useless in this situation and I don't like it.

 

“You know what?” I looked at her and she came back out with her sunglasses and purse. “I need to get out of this stupid apartment, let's go.”

 

“Beca, are you okay?” she looked like a total basket case. She's just sobbing and folding a blanket at the same time, but then she's laughing. She might've just had a mental break, but I'm not sure what constitutes a mental break.

 

“Beca, I really need you to look at me right now.” I cautiously moved towards her and she looks at me. My eyes met hers and they're so red and she just looks like she needs a hug, but she moved away and grabbed the keys.

 

“Let's go, I told Stacie to meet us.”

 

****

 

Fucking Christ, get it together. I just scared the shit out of Chloe, and now she has a reason to worry, a reason to ask questions, and I'm not sure I even want to provide the answers to those questions right now. Fuck, I am just so fucked. “I'm gonna go get a churro.”

 

“Stacie, we just ate.” I deadpanned, not really concerned with her eating habits. It was weird though, because we just ate pizza, and I spent all day eating junk with Chloe, but I guess that was just me.

 

“I know, but the guy's making eyes at me.” She had this smirk on her face. God, she was so vulgar and crude, but when still when it came down to it, she was a good friend.

 

“Guys make eyes at you all the time and then Bella happens.” I leaned down in front of her and I could swear that she was looking me dead in the eyes.

 

She's cute, but this is fucking scary.

 

“Isn't that right, Bells…” I trailed off, and I was still staring at Bella, she was looking right back at me. I felt like I should back down and look away, but it seems a little ridiculous to be having a staring contest with a month old baby, so I do. I didn't even notice that Stacie was gone, she left me alone with Chloe and her intense child.

 

Not to be unreasonable, or a wuss, but that baby was staring me down I know it.

 

“Hey, Becs?” Shit.

 

“Yeah…?” I waited for her to ask me whatever it was she was going to ask me, I looked at her and she was chewing a hole through her lip.

 

I bet she doesn't even know how beautiful she is.

 

I bet she has no idea how many times I've tried to count all the freckles on the bridge of her nose and across her cheeks before getting stuck at sixty-seven and start again to stop at ninety-three. Or how long I can stare at the back of her head and try to think of the exact shade of red her hair might be before realizing there isn't anything that could possibly compare. Or how many heartbeats I count before falling asleep.

 

She knows none of it, and now she never will. I ruined things for me, for Theo, and now I'm ruining us.

 

No, not 'us’, _her._

 

“I-”

 

“I'm back!” Stacie came running back, but I caught a whiff of something that made my stomach churn. “But not without these.” She held up something wrapped up in wax paper with sloppy numbers scrawled across.

 

“Dude, what _is_ that?” she came closer and my stomach lurched, Chloe put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

 

“Becs, you okay?” Now was not the time to touch me, so I slowly started backing away.

 

“His number and a red velvet churro, here.” she shoved it in my face and I felt all the color drain from my cheeks.

 

“Dude, no-”

 

“Don't knock it till you-”

 

Shit.

 

I closed my eyes, I tasted the sour stomach acid in my mouth and my throat. I felt my lunch, lukewarm in the palms of my hands pressed against my face.

 

I just upchucked everything I ate.

 

“Did you just-” Chloe stopped her from finishing her question, I just turned and headed for the nearest bathroom that just happened to be in the same area as the churro guy.

 

Great.

 

****

 

I'm standing out at the beginning of the pier with Stacie and Bella. I'm not really sure what can be said right now, but then Stacie spoke up. “Chloe, you know I didn't mean for Beca to get sick right?”

 

“What?” I was taken back by her question, I didn't expect her to feel so guilty. All she did was offer her friend a bite of her food. That was all, no harm no fowl. “Of course, Stacie, I know you didn't mean it.” She relaxed at that and I looked back down at the ground.

 

There was little ant moving between the crack of where the cement ends and the wood for the boardwalk starts. It was carrying an awfully large crumb, but it was still doing it. Just when I thought that it would make it over the crack by itself, it dropped it somewhere I couldn't see it anymore and the ant disappeared too.

 

“I'm gonna go check on Beca.” She nodded at me with a sad smile, and I went.

 

I hovered right outside the door of the bathroom, I haven't seen one woman come out. It's just Beca in there alone. I reached out to grab the handle and when my hand wrapped around the handle I saw the look in her eyes yesterday.

 

I did nothing to help her.

 

Then the image of the ant carrying the crumb flashes in my head, no other ant in sight to help the one ant as it continues on it's solo task to get the crumb across, and then it falls.

 

I'm letting Beca fall.

 

She's falling and I can help her if she'll let me. I know I can. I took a deep breath and pulled the heavy door open and walked into the bathroom.

 

“Dude, you gotta stop this.” I could hear her muttering, I thought it was for me, but it wasn't, she hadn't said anything to me or anyone else for a good few minutes. I stood just outside of the stalls by the sink. There's a strong smell of the beach here in the bathroom, along with a strong scent of heavy duty cleaning products. There's a few paper towels scattered on the floor, and smudges on the mirror. It's not the best public bathroom, but it's cleaner than what I'm used to in Brooklyn. There's a low buzz of the electricity from the lights, and muted conversations from the people outside. But I heard something like panting, then followed by sniffling.

 

Beca's crying again.

 

I could hear her falling apart in the bathroom stall. She's hyperventilating and grunting, I could hear the squeaking of the industrial sized toilet paper, and then hearing her curse at it and grunt.

 

“I don't know if I can keep you.”

 

Oh my God, she's breaking up with Theo.

 

I listened as the loud sob as it emerged from the depths of her chest and her throat. “Okay, okay, okay.” I could hear her trying to regulate her breathing, I need to say something. Right when I decide, the bathroom door opened.

 

“Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me.” An older woman walked around me and into the furthest stall. I didn't hear Beca anymore, so I took it as my opportunity to act like I didn't hear anything to begin with.

 

I know, it's an awful thing to do, but so is eavesdropping.

 

* * *

 

The other woman left the bathroom, and I waited a few minutes before I walked back in. She was rinsing her face, her hands moving quickly over her mouth. “Hey, Becs.” she looked up at me, I could see so many emotions in her eyes, I tried not to dwell on the sounds of her crying as they replay in my mind.

 

“Hey.” she replied as she put her head down to rest atop her hands on the sink. I tried to make myself useful this time, so I grabbed some paper towels and I gave them to her. To my content, she used them.

 

“How long have you been in here?” She asked as she made her way to the trash can. She doesn't look at me.

 

“What do you-”

 

“How. Long. Have. You. Been. In. Here?” she deadpanned, propped up against the sink with her hands placed on either side of her. Her head is tilted up, she has her eyes closed, she seems like she's regrouping her thoughts. In dim, poorly lit, and artificial light she still looks like a million bucks. Even after having just blew chunks in her hands.

 

I have to be honest.

 

“Since before that lady came in…” I glanced down at the floor, when I looked back up, she had her face in her hands. “I'm sorry…”

 

“About?” She mumbled through her hands.

 

“Theo… I know you really liked him…” I resent that last part. She moved her hands, her brow furrowed in what I can only assume is confusion.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You broke up with Theo… didn't you?” I have a really strong feeling that I dug myself into hole.

 

“No, I didn't. Why _would_ I?”

 

Yep, in a hole.

 

“I don't know, I thought with the job, and you don't really _know_ each other-”

 

“Cause you have room to talk.” I met her eyes again, I'm shocked at first, but now I'm a little confused but mostly irritated.

 

“What are you talking about, Beca?”

 

“Yeah, I know, I barely know him, I get it! But you _barely_ knew Chicago, and yet you still stuck your tongue down his throat. How did his stomach taste, Chlo?” her tone was harsh and bitter. This wasn't Beca.

 

“What does that have to do with any of this?” I'm yelling again. I hate yelling, it makes me feel guilty, but damn it, what's going on? Why is she bringing Chicago into this? We're not together, we've never been together. There was a kiss, but no fireworks, why would I keep the charade going? She knows we aren't together.

 

She knows that… right?

 

“I don't get why you're so… so… against this!”

 

Well, I mean…

 

“Who said I was?” She turned bright red, no more pale and green shade. Just anger.

 

“You do! With every stare, and every time you ask me if _Theo_ did anything wrong!” I don't stare, I assess.

 

“Well, did he?” It's an honest question.

 

“No! But it's like you're counting on it! What if _I_ did something wrong? What if it was _me,_ huh Chloe?” I don't know what to say to that.

 

 _Did_ she do anything wrong?

 

“I deserve a _fucking_ fairytale ending just as much as you!” She stormed out of the bathroom and left me there.

 

****

 

I can't do this.

 

I fucking can't do this. I can't to this to me, or to Theo, or to Chloe.

 

I can't.

 

I just fucking hate this so much. I hate _me_ so much. How fucking low did I have to be to get here and still manage to feel even lower than before? I honestly thought that I hit rock bottom, but I just dug myself a hold under it, but not before dragging Theo with me.

 

I am truly a shit person.

 

And Chloe…

 

I don't know what to say anymore. I wasn't supposed to love her this long, I wasn't supposed to love her at all. The fact that I'm with Theo, that I'm pregnant and it's his, should be enough to make a clean slate so we - _I_ \- can go back to being her best friend sans me being totally head over heels for her.

 

But it's not.

 

And I am fucking reminded of that every single day, since freshman year.

 

I'm reminded of that now on this stupid trip when Theo's arm has been wrapped around my waist instead of Chloe's. When my orange juice is given to me in a regular glass, instead of the yellow cup Chloe insists must come with her everywhere. When Theo holds my hand instead of Chloe looping her arm with mine, joining our hips. And the way that she _just now_ was low key suggesting that _another_ relationship of mine didn't work out.

 

I don't get it.

 

She's happy when I'm single, and it's been that way for a while, then when there's maybe a someone else she just seems to just lose her mind and then when it's over she'll try to relay to me this sort of 'best friend sixth sense’ of how she felt it was going downhill.

 

I just keep getting dragged into this game of tug of war between our friendship and moving on. I just snapped, I know things aren't going as planned, but I felt like she was placing her best bet on this. Like she was anticipating it, and while she gets to have her prince charming, I get to have second best because first is always her.

 

It's always her.

 

And I know it won't be any other way.

 

But the way things are looking now, that is the very last thing that could happen to me. That'll be the random and so sudden miracle I've been expecting from her. But of course, there's always the 'but’, the big excuse, the antagonist to the protagonist.

 

Me.

 

I fucking hate it so much, I could easily blame Mr. Right, but our roles are switched. I am a shit person, I don't consider other people, I push people away and then I lock them out of my life. I'm the antagonist here.

 

 _I_ am the villain in my own story.

 

Not Chicago, not Theo, not Chloe.

 

Me.

 

I buried my head in my arms, I keep looking down at the path from my chest down to my toes. I let out a few hot tears that fall and make the lightest tap on the material.

 

I can't do this.

 

“I think if you want to _enjoy_ the sunset, you should look up.” it's good to hear her voice so much more calmer than it was in the bathroom, but it hurts. My heart hurts. I lifted my head to look at her, and despite all that messed up shit I just told her, she had this small and friendly smile on her face.

 

I don't understand why she's so good to me.

 

“Hey…” I don't have words, so I just stared at the waves.

 

“We’re not together.” Chloe said after a few minutes of silence. I'm slightly confused, and it's obviously showing, so she continues. “Me and Chicago, we're just friends.” Why is she telling me this?

 

“Friends that kiss?” I know I'm being kind of a jerk, but I can't let her in too much. She'll get dragged down with me.

 

“No, friends that are just friends.” I don't look at her. I can't. A few more minutes go by and it's getting late, I need to get back, I have to talk to Theo before he leaves.

 

“I'm sorry…” I could barely hear her, but that's what I think she said. I looked at her, and she began to elaborate. “I shouldn't have assumed, and… I don't bet on your unhappiness, that's the last thing I would _ever_ do to hurt you.”

 

“It's okay…” I looked back out and then I looked at her again.

 

Damn it.

 

“And I'm sorry for being a jerk… or whatever.” She nodded and then put an arm around me. It's so familiar and comfortable. I miss it.

 

“I _am_ here if you need a talk, Becs.” I can't tell her tonight.

 

Or maybe I just can't tell her.

 

“Thank you.” I refocused my gaze on the horizon.

 

I can't do this.

* * *

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a little short considering that this chapter is just Beca's P.O.V.

* * *

**The next day…**

 

It's today.

 

I have to do it today.

 

My palms were sweaty and Theo didn't get in till late last night. I didn't get to tell him. “Theo, come on, you're gonna be late.” I couldn’t call him 'baby’ anymore, it doesn't fit well and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It makes me feel disgusting and wrong because maybe I _am_ disgusting and wrong. Theo came running through the living room, suitcase in tow.

 

“You don't have to come with me.” Yes, I do have to go.

 

It's now or it's now, no 'never’ option.

 

* * *

 

We left, and we sat in the back seat of a Mercedes Benz on our way to the airport. Usually he takes the middle seat to sit on my right side and put his arm around me, but this time he just sits on his side and I sit on mine. There was a weird space like the one after I got back to Brooklyn. He visited a few times to take me to get coffee, there was just this unknown and awkward presence the whole time, but we fell out of it. Now it seems like we're back to that, it doesn't have so much to do with my, soon to be _our,_ predicament, but more to do with the fact that he's going back to Europe and I won't see him for a while.

 

I stared at my wrist, while trying not to have a total meltdown right now on the day that Theo leaves and is gonna be unavailable for about a month or so. There was a literal and metaphorical weight on my wrist. Literal meaning Theo's watch, it's heavy against my skinny little wrist adding some heft to it when I lift and move my hand. Metaphorical meaning that I'm wearing this watch, and at first when I had it getting back to the states it helped me and comforted me with the false hope that maybe moving on was possible, but now that I'm wearing it it reminds me of the same false hope of moving on and how it's possible for other people, but not for the ones as deep in it as I am.

 

He made a promise to come back and get it and he did. Last night, he was drunk when he got back in. He put the watch back around my wrist and told me he'd come back for me. He didn't say he'd be back to get the watch, he said he'd be back for me. It was kind of nice even if he has no recollection of it today because he was too wasted to remember. I'm glad he doesn't, it's in his and my best interest that he doesn't.

 

I know I'm thinking about myself a lot right, and I know that it's pretty shitty considering that I have life altering news that's pretty important to both of us, but I can't help but feel sick about the whole thing. I don't want him to remember another promise that he made because if he does, he won't break it. He'll come back for me and when he does, I don't think I'll be there.

 

* * *

 

I feel like such a shit person.

 

This great guy fell into my lap and I can't bring myself to accept this promise and commitment. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of it. I just want to go back to my hideous, oddly painted four walls and my fold out bed. I want to get back to my narrow staircase, and the clothing rack, I want to hide under the same comforter I've had since college. I want Fat Amy and Law and Order, I want Chloe's yellow cup.

 

I want to go home.

 

I miss my shitty apartment. I miss how the waffle maker fills those four walls with the smell of deliciousness. How warm it is, and especially when I just get home from work, and my mug is waiting right in the cupboard for me to drink hot chocolate with Chloe. I won't have that shitty apartment for long, and I'm gonna feel so guilty looking for other apartments on my computer inside of our current apartment so I'll probably go to the hipster coffee shop on the corner of Verona and Fifth Avenue to use their WiFi.

 

I'm still gonna share an apartment with Chloe, even if I'm always internally screeching because I hate myself. She'll be a student, I'll be making music, I'm not crazy rich yet and she has to take care of her school stuff. I'm financially okay to live alone, but Chloe isn't. I can't just leave her hanging.

 

How is my life going to work?

 

What am I going to do? I want to ask someone, I could ask Stacie and I know she'll keep everything hush, but I'm just not ready to say the words out loud because if I say them out loud my indecency is even more real in real life than it is in my head.

 

* * *

 

“Theo! Theo!”

 

“Hey, Beca, are you hooking up with Priestley?”

 

“Theo, over here!”

 

We passed security, and got past the camera rats, he wheeled his suitcase along and some of his people followed close behind. We didn't hold hands because that would cause gossip and controversy, walking together in the same direction alone already sparked the inevitable question of 'Are you an item?’. Ask me four days ago, I would've shrugged and blushed and asked you what you thought. Ask me now, I will avoid the question like the plague. I don't want to deal with that question and I think Theo knows I don't so it helped.

 

“So this is it then, boss?” we finally got to the gate, mostly in peace, a lot of the paparazzi took the escalator and lost us.

 

I have to do it.

 

“Don't call me 'boss’.” I hugged him. I felt his scruff on the crook of my neck, I got comfortable in the hug because I need it. I need this hug for what I'm about to do.

 

“I'll let you know when I get there.” He let go and he kissed my forehead and turned to start walking away.

 

“Theo!” I didn't mean to yell so loud or with so much panic, but I won't get this chance again and when I do it'll be too late to ask him not to be upset with me.

 

“What's wrong?” He came jogging back, he was next in line when I called for him.

 

“I need to tell you something.” He goy closer and more people started coming by, but then I heard cameras clicking and rapid walking, I already knew that it was the paparazzi, and my time was limited.

 

“What is it?” He looked worried, he had to get on the flight soon, and I was taking too long to say anything.

 

“I…”

 

“Beca! Theo! Over here!”

 

“Hey, Beca!”

 

I felt so nervous, my heart was beating out of my chest, I looked at him with pleading eyes. He pulled me away to an empty row of chairs away from the paparazzi, buying me enough time to tell him. “What is it?”

 

“I'm…” this is it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I listened to the way the airport chatter seemed completely muted right now in this moment. I have to tell him. “I'm pregnant.” when I opened my eyes, he was looking back at me. He looked gone, like if he wasn't there for the past five minutes of this conversation. Like he completely missed everything, and has no idea what we were talking about. He looked gone.

 

 

**Gate B15, Flight 157, departing in ten minutes.**

 

 

The flight announcement ended and I looked at him, his words have seemed to escaped him, Khaled's people came over and swiftly swept him away, he looked back and made eye contact with me once, and then he was gone.

 

He didn't say a word.

* * *

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a while. Work, adulting, you know, the usual. Enjoy!

* * *

He didn't say a word.

 

His plane took off four hours ago.

 

I'm still here.

 

He just left me there after telling him. He didn't say 'I’ll call you.’ or say anything to tell me he heard what I said. All he did was look right through me and leave. How am I supposed to do this? I listened to the phone ring, I felt restless. I've been wandering around the airport, and stopped in a tiny gift shop where they sell birthday cards and beanie babies. “Hi, this is the Women Specialists of Brooklyn, how can I direct your call?”

 

“H-hi, um, my name is Rebeca Mitchell, I'd like to set an appointment.” I could hear the receptionist clacking her fingers on the keyboard.

 

“And who is your primary?”

 

“Francine Barnes.” I felt like I was gonna puke. I should've probably left the store, actually come to think of it I should've left the airport altogether. I rounded the corner behind some shelves and there was so much baby stuff there. There was a light pink onesie with a hot air balloon on it, it came with a pink tutu and some white little shoes. I started crying again, so I took off my sunglasses to wipe my face.

 

This situation is just so fucked.

 

“I can schedule you an appointment with our OBGYN on February fourteenth at eleven o'clock?”

 

“Y-yeah,” I bet she could hear me crying right now. “Yeah, that's fine.”

 

“Okay, you're all set Ms. Mitchell. Have a nice day.” I didn't acknowledge the fact that saying 'Have a nice day.' is just proper phone etiquette, I like to think she actually wanted me to have a good day. 

 

It makes me feel a little better.

 

“You too, thanks.” I needed to get out of this stupid airport. I walked through, and the paps saw me. Shit.

 

“Hey, Beca, what's going on with you and Priestley?”

 

“Nothing.” anymore.

 

“Oh, so what happened then? He break up with you?” I kept looking forward, walking as fast as I could to get away from the cameras but they were keeping a steady pace with me. I said nothing else, I just kept walking, I couldn't even hear them anymore, I just couldn't stop thinking. He just left without a word, he didn't say anything, nothing he did confirmed to me that he actually heard what I said. I walked out to where all the cars pick people up and drop people off, but then I saw Janine talking to security.

 

“Janine?” She spotted me and then she started running, but right before she could get to me she tripped. “Oh shit, dude, are you okay?” I helped her back up by her elbows.

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you! Where were you? Theo's driver said you never came out-” I internally cringed when she said his name. It reminded me of the stereotype he gladly put himself in; The dads who never stay.

 

“Janine,” I had to get her to calm down so we could keep moving before the paps swarmed me again. “I'm fine, I just needed a minute.” she looked around me at the guys with cameras and then back at me.

 

“We should get out of here, any specific requests?” she opened the door to a black Escalade and I slid in after her onto hot leather seats.

 

“I'm starving, actually.”

 

* * *

 

“Dude, not to be like a total downer, are you _sure_ you know where you're taking us?” I continued walking up the sidewalk, with Janine trailing behind me, and oh my goodness something smelled really delicious and I was starving.

 

“There's something really _really_ good and I intend to find out what it is.” She caught me by my elbow and looked at me. Her eyes were a very pretty storm cloud grey. Too bad she hides em’ under those hipster glasses.

 

“And again, how do you even know if it's good?”

 

“I know it, like in my soul or something. Kind of like how a dog knows you've been with another dog before you get inside.” She looked slightly confused, but I'm hungry and I don't have time to explain before I get hangry. I don't want my new assistant to get scared away before I have the chance to page her from my desk and get her to put my dad on hold just because I don't want to talk to him. As we continued walking a little further, I could tell Janine was a little worried, but honestly I don't care right now, I need whatever that delicious smell is. It's the only thing I smell now and then we're right in front of it.

 

“See? Told you.” We stood in front of a hole in the wall Chinese food place called 'Fat Lins’.

 

“Jesus, I didn't know I was working for a bloodhound.” I laughed and I walked in and everything smells delicious, but I can bet nothing is fresh and they've probably had three health code violations in the past two years, but that orange chicken looks too mouth watering to me to actually stop what I'm doing. I should probably find a place that doesn't have a miniature fan with streamers fanning the people in the kitchen, where I can see a cook putting his hands in his pockets and then tending to the food, but I won't.

 

“Are you _sure_ you wanna eat _here?”_ she got a dirty look from the older Asian woman at the register, and she mouthed a 'sorry’ to her and then turned back to me. “I can suggest some places, there's a really good place not too far from the studio-”

  
“If it makes you feel better,” I started. “I'll get this to go and then _we_ can go, okay?” She nodded at me and then I nodded back. “Good.”

 

****

 

I like running.

 

It's freeing.

 

Stacie was the only other Bella in the Bella house that actually did keep a really tight work out regimen; Monday was biceps and abs, Tuesday was tricep and lats, Wednesday was all leg day, Thursday was yoga, and the weekends were left for anything anti-fitness.

 

Cardio was always a must have, so she'd run and I'd go with. You'd think it'd be a little harder to do since she had Bella, but we pushed her stroller around the track. We weren't running like we usually would, but it was a steady pace.

 

Just not enough to clear my mind.

 

“Hey, red, wanna call it a day?” I heard Stacie and the stroller coming to a stop, so I slowed down and turned around. I jogged in place to keep my focus, I knew I'd get tired if I stopped moving.

 

“I think I'm gonna go two more times, but you can go get in the car, I'll meet you there.”

 

“Sure?” I nodded, trying to keep my pace, trying not to focus on the cramp in my calf and the burning in my lungs. She shrugged at me and started for the car and I took the advantage to race ahead on the track.

 

I have to prep myself for an especially moody Beca. Theo left today, so I don't expect Beca to be a basket of daisies, not that she is a basket of daisies. She's more like a cactus if you think about it.

 

She's got this wall, this impenetrable external defense, in which case would be the needles. You can't get in, unless you know how. I only spent the first year of knowing her, trying to get through. She didn't let me, and the only reason I ever got past was because I didn't ask. Giving an option to someone you know will run will always backfire on you.

 

Then she has all this stuff inside, all these ideas, and emotions, and thoughts that's she's been holding in. Kind of like a cactus retains water.

 

Instead of it being for all good and healthy reasons though.

 

Then when no one is looking, or paying attention, this beautiful flower blooms in the middle of the night in the dark when you really have to look and seek her out to see it.

 

So, yeah, Beca Mitchell is like a cactus, but she's _my_ cactus.

 

Well, she was anyway.

 

I like to keep her close. She makes me feel grounded. Like I have a plan when most of the time, I don't. She reassures me of everything and she isn't afraid to tell me I'm being a little ridiculous. Of course I don't like to hear it at the moment, but at that moment it's what she needed to say, so I'm grateful for it. There's absolutely nothing else that can make me feel better like Beca's hugs do. They're safe and warm and familiar and it's _Beca._ Just the fact that it's my Bec hugging me is enough to make everything else disappear for a minute.

 

God, I need one of those hugs right about now.

 

I need _my_ Beca back.

 

Stacie honked the horn at me and I looked over to see her sticking her head out of the window. “Hey, Bella's getting cranky, we should go!”

 

“Okay, sorry!” I ran back and I got into the car. The AC felt so good, I literally could not feel my legs. Stacie gave me a half empty water bottle and I downed it in one chug.

 

“Ready to go?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

Beca hasn't texted me and Theo's flight took off hours ago, she hasn't texted me at all. I want to be worried, no I _am_ worried, but I know when she needs space. I didn't mean to belittle hers and Theo's relationship at all, I thought that was all water under the bridge, she couldn't still be mad about it, could she?

 

“You okay, Chlo?” Stacie asked me from the bathroom.

 

“Yeah…” my voice trailed off as I walked around the small walkway around her bed.

 

“What's up?” A lot of things I don't care to admit.

 

“I don't know…”

 

“Come on, girl, I know you better than that, what's wrong? What are you thinking about?”

 

“I just…” I let out a heavy sigh and flopped down on the bed. “I just miss Beca.” Stacie came out of the bathroom, she was wearing a red romper and her hair was up in a high ponytail.

 

My friend is a total MILF.

 

“What do you mean? You see her all the time.”

 

“I know, but we haven't been talking, you know? Like we used to… it feels like we're on two different planets…” I sat back up as she started pulling things out of her closet. “What are you doing?”

 

 _“We,”_ she began and turned to me with a white lace dress. “Are going out, here put this on.”

 

“Why?” She rolled her eyes at me hard and griped at me.

 

 _“Because,_ I already told you, we're going out!”

 

“Okay! Okay! Damn…” then it dawned on me. “Wait, but what about Bella?” I was all for her being able to be a mom and take a night off, but not without knowing my niece is getting well taken care of.

 

“Oh, right, forgot to tell you,” she came over and started moving my hair out of my face and going at it with a curling iron. “I texted Beca, told her it was an emergency, so that whole missing Beca thing will be over in a few minutes because she'll be busting down my door.”

 

“Stacie!”

 

“She'll fall for it, won't she?”

 

“Oh, totes.” I couldn't help but to agree. Beca is family type of gal.

 

****

 

“Oh shit!”

 

“What?” I looked at Janine, who was sitting next to me on the floor at the window in my office.

 

“I have to go, Stacie's having some sort of emergency!” I got up and ran to the door, stumbling on my own feet as I went.

 

“Let me drive you, you'll never make it if you get a cab!”

 

“Hurry!” It's my family. Something has gone wrong with my family. We were already way far ahead opposed to if I would've gotten a cab instead. My knee kept bouncing up and down, and my fingers couldn't keep still.

 

Can this car go _any_ slower?

 

“What are you gonna do?” I barely heard Janine over my own horrible assumptions of what could've possibly gone wrong.

 

“I don't know, I'll see when I get there-”

 

“Not about that.”

 

“I… I'm… I-I don't know, Janine, but now is not the time to ask me that.” We got to Stacie's complex and I ran as fast as I could up the stairs, Janine went to the garage to park the Escalade. I could've taken the elevator, but I wouldn't get there fast enough.

 

With my luck, I'm probably already too late for whatever emergency.

 

I got to her door, I jiggled the door knob, and I got on my tippy toes to the hall light to feel around for the spare, I can barely reach it. I tried so hard to get to it without burning my hand, and when I finally got in, I saw Stacie and Chloe coming towards me, Stacie was practically running towards me with Bella. _“There_ you are!” I really genuinely hate it when she uses her baby voice with me. “Here you go, you know what to do, thank you so much, love you, don't wait up, bye!” She gave me Bella, I almost dropped her because I wasn’t prepared, and she kissed me on the cheek.

 

“Bye, Becs!” Chloe blew me a kiss and then they were gone. Just as I went to close the door, Janine was running up, panting and sweaty.

 

“Where's the emergency?” she managed to get out.

 

“There wasn't one.” she sighed loudly and I moved more out of the way to let her in.

 

“We've been deceived!” She said dramatically, taking a seat on the couch.

 

“Bamboozled again.” damn it.

 

****

 

This club is really, very loud. It's very hot and gross, there's a mess of bodies everywhere, but at least the music is good. If there's one thing I am so very certain of, it is good music.

 

I _think_ that's why Beca endures me.

 

No, she doesn't endure me, she loves me and I know it.

 

She's such a sap sometimes.

 

I _knew_ she'd get to Stacie's in record time after the misleading text. The only emergency there was, was that the zipper for my dress was stuck and Stacie needed a sitter. “Don't you feel kind of bad about leaving Bella and Beca?”

 

“Nope!” I wouldn't either, we both needed this. Stacie more because I saw all the paperwork she set out on her table. It looked like she was doing everybody and their grandma's taxes, but really she's working for a really fancy lab somewhere in the bay. She only goes down their so often, when she does Bella stays with her grandmother and Stacie does whatever it is that Stacie does in some sort of scientific lab on the bay.

 

So, yeah, you can say we needed a drink.

 

* * *

 

“No, you don't understand! Beca looked _so_ good in her fancy clothes from DJ Khaled! Look!” I handed over my phone and it was a shot a Beca on stage singing.

 

“Oh my God, she looks hot!”

 

“I know right!” I couldn't hear myself over my own thoughts.

 

That's the night this whole not talking thing started.

 

I could cry right now.

 

“I miss Beca!” And now I am crying.

 

“I miss Bella!” And now Stacie is crying.

 

Just as Crying in the Club came on.

 

****

 

Janine is cool, I can work with her. She's definitely a nerd, I know that much because she's been lecturing me on everything there is to know about Harry Potter. “Not knowing about the deathly hallows should be, like, a sin or something!”

 

“Well, I apologize for my cultural incompetence.” I said dryly before taking a drink from my soda.

 

“It's just too awesome to miss out on, I have books I can leave in your office, do you read?”

 

“I do, actually, just don't make me watch a movie and we're good.” She laughed so loud she scared me, and I thought she woke up Bella. I was about to murder her if she woke up Bella, putting her to bed took me almost two hours.

 

“The movies don't even _begin_ to capture the magic, okay? Like there's a whole fight scene missing from the movie for the sixth book, you _have_ to read the books. We can watch the movies after and then throw popcorn at the TV, deal?”

 

“Okay, tempting…” it does sound nice. I have my first friend out here. Of course Chloe will be here and Stacie too, but I made this one on my own. Well, not on my own… no, no, he gets no credit. I'm actually doing this on my own.

 

I'm doing this on my own.

 

“Deal, but on _one_ condition.” She nodded firmly and put a piece of chocolate in her mouth.

 

“Hit me.”

 

“You provide the snacks.” She saluted me and laughed.

 

“You got it, boss.” that name.

 

That name can go die in a fire.

 

Her phone started buzzing, it was an alarm or something. “What's that for?”

 

“It means I gotta go, someone's gotta feed Simian and Simon.” She got up and started getting her things together, I peeked my head into Bella and Stacie's room, and then I followed Janine to the door.

 

“Simian and Simon?” She moved her phone to show me a screensaver of a black and white dog and cat.

 

“My babies.” I smiled and tilted my head as if to say 'I see.’. She pulled me into a hug, and I was stiff with surprise. I hadn't been expecting that.

 

The hug is a nice gesture, but it's weird.

 

“Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about yours.” I was shocked with how blunt she was about that. It was actually kind of funny, I won't lie. “Mostly because I signed a special non-disclosure agreement that prevents me from leaking any info I know about your personal life.”

 

“Get outta here, you butt!” I slapped her shoulder and waved her off and then I was back inside.

 

I'm on my own with this.

 

And that's fine.

 

* * *

 

“Beca! Beca! Are you asleep?” I could feel her crawling across the bed to me. Then I felt her holding me, her arm wrapped tightly around my waist, and the other coming up under my neck.

 

She reeked of tequila and sweat.

 

“I'm not anymore, why? What do you want?” She giggled into my shoulder, I shudder at that feeling. It gave me goosebumps that I'm not allowed to have.

 

“I missed you!”

 

“You guys left _me,_ remember?”

 

“No, I miss you.” I felt her pressing her cheek to my cheek, I did my best to keep my eyes closed. I couldn't look at her right now. “We don't talk anymore.” I could feel her pouting against me. I just want to kiss that pout away.

 

But I can't.

 

“I know, I'm sorry.”

 

“It's okay.” No it's really not. She's my best friend first, regardless of any other feelings. She shouldn't be on the back burner for anything. “How was dropping off turtle man?” Awful.

 

“He's gone.” I couldn't lie to her.

 

“Like, _gone_ gone?” Drunk Chloe is adorable. That's always been the fact, she's just so cute and curious.

 

“Yeah… _gone_ gone…” he is gone.

 

But that's okay, I can handle this.

 

“Oh no!” She didn't sound too surprised or upset, but we could talk about that another time. “It's okay, Becs, he's a… he's a… he's a butthead!” She said it like it was the worst name to call anyone. She's like that with most words that are a slightly different variation of 'butthead'. She rarely swears.

 

She's the reason for the swear jar in the Bella house and I was the reason for there always being a large amount of money in said swear jar.

 

“Yeah, he is…”

 

“He stole you from me, and he left-”

 

“Stole me from you? Who said he stole me from you?” I couldn't be stolen from Chloe. She's held my everything captive since day one. No one could steal me from her if they offered me record deal and free WiFi.

 

“Yeah, he stole you from me, and you taught him our song, I thought you were gone.” I felt her tears running off her face down to my face and then _my_ eyes teared up.

 

“I'm not gone, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere.” She has a right to know.

 

“Promise?”

 

“I promise.” I tried so hard not to completely lose it in Chloe's arms, but the fact that she was crying, and it was my fault for not telling her, is killing me.

 

“You're still my Beca?” She asked me in a small and shy way that is so unlike the bright girl I know.

 

“I'm still your Beca.” Because it's true. I am and I probably always will be. I felt her breathing start to even out and I had to take my chance now when everything is calm and quiet. “Chlo, I uh-have to tell you something…” she hummed in response. I was losing her attention too fast, this needed to happen. “Chloe, I'm pregnant.” I heard nothing. I rolled over to face her and she was sound asleep. She groaned and moves to adjust herself, she laid her head on my chest and her hand was tucked away safely under my t-shirt on my stomach.

 

It was cute at first, and I thought maybe she did that on purpose. Maybe she's okay with this and this is her showing me. “I'm having a baby, Chlo.” I waited for her to answer me, but I was met with silence again.

 

Damn it.

* * *

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be short, it's only Chloe's P.O.V. enjoy!

* * *

**Last night in LA…**

 

Beca's been crying a lot. She won't let me help, I can understand why, she just broke up with Theo.

 

Or Theo broke up with her.

 

I'm not sure, but whichever it is, I'll still look at him like he's the antichrist.

 

He hurt _my_ Beca.

 

Jerk.

 

She hasn't really left the room we share, except to use the bathroom and eat. It's been like this for four days. She's been literally and metaphorically closed in. Stacie offers her drink after drink and all she says is no, she just takes the ice cream from the freezer and locks herself back in the room. When we go to bed, she lays on the far side by the window and cries. I can't do anything to help, but I sing to her sometimes, I like to think that might be helping her a little. She'll fall asleep after a while, but it breaks my heart so much. I just want to hold her and tell her it'll be alright, but I don't know that for sure so I just keep singing because it's the only thing I know how to do.

 

I'm standing outside our bedroom with Theo's watch in my hand, it was stuffed in between the couch cushions and as much as I want to stomp on it to my heart's content, I don't know what she wants to do with it. As soon as I go to knock, she opened the door and to my surprise her hair is combed and in braids and her makeup is immaculate. “Oh... hey, Chlo.” she greeted me so casually, like if these past few days haven't happened at all.

 

“Hey, Bec…” she breezed past me and into the kitchen. “I-I…” I'm so nervous and I'm not actually sure why, I'm just talking to my best friend like I would normally talk to my best friend. “I have Theo's watch, if you want it or whatever…”

 

“Oh, thank you… I'll-I’ll be back soon…”

 

“But, wait, where are you going?” She's actually leaving the apartment?

 

“The beach… wanna… w-wanna come?”

 

“Yeah… s-sure.”

 

* * *

 

I love the smell of the ocean. I like to feel the sand underneath my feet too. This just might be the first time either of us relax on this trip.

 

Only took us just over a week.

 

“Is here good, Becs?” I looked back at her and my jaw right about fell out of my head. She just started stripping down, no warning, she didn't just wait to go to one of the family bathrooms, she pulled off her shirt and inched down her shorts revealing a white two piece bathing suit. There's a lump in my throat, watching her toss aside her street clothes and adjust her bottoms. I might be a perv for watching.

 

Okay, I'm definitely a perv for watching.

 

I cleared my throat to keep my voice steady and unchanging. I just had a really bad case of teenage boy looking at my best friend, and that is not allowed. Especially not when they're going through a pretty rough breakup. Get your head out of the gutter, Beale. “I-Is this spot good?”

 

“Yeah, it's fine.” she took a minute and rummaged through her bag, she pulled out Theo's watch.

 

“Why'd you bring that?” she said nothing and walked up to the shore. She stared at it for a second, I stood behind her ready to catch her in case she collapsed on herself and had a meltdown. She took in a deep breath and hurled it as far as she could into the sea. How much I hate him doesn't matter, that watch was expensive and probably worth a nice dinner for when we get back to Brooklyn. She just turned around and walked right past me, leaving me gaping at the edge of the water.

 

“Do you know how valuable that probably was?”

 

“Yep.” She said curtly before taking up a pair of sunglasses and putting them on.

 

“Like seriously.” That watch could've been easy money and a better way to make Theo pay for whatever it is he did.

 

“I know, it was his grandfather's.” oh my God…

 

“You’re joking, right?”

 

“Nope.” she started her walk down the beach. I've never seen this before, not from Beca. This whole reckless 'I don't care.’ type of attitude is rare. The post-breakup Beca I know wears her ex's shirts and listens to a lot of Adel, she doesn't throw their grandfather's watch into the ocean without hesitation or regret. Turtle man must've done a number on her to get her to stay so certain and collected when a lot of things probably don't make sense. She might cry herself to sleep and she might eat everything in the fridge without any of us seeing her come out of the room, but when we chat she's pulled together to the best of her abilities. I don't know if that means she's stronger now, or if now's the time she needs me most.

 

* * *

 

“Becs…” I'm not really sure how to ask.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What…” I don't want to upset her. I don't think she'll get upset, but I can't risk it. She's been pretty unpredictable lately, like throwing the watch, as amazing as that was I wasn't expecting that at all. I wonder if that's the only reason we came to the beach today. “What did Theo do?” she sighed loudly and just took a seat in the sand, I joined her. She took off her sunglasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. I didn't want to stress her out, but I wanted to know if this guy left her at rock bottom. “Y-you don't have to tell me…” she opened her eyes and looked up at the sky. It was getting dark out, the sun was setting. I'm looking into her eyes and I see the yellow and orange glow floating about the denim color of her iris. I study her profile for a while, looking at her slightly reddened cheeks and the slope of her nose. Her lips press into a thin line when she's thinking seriously, I noticed that when we were still considering buying the Bella house. She had a lot of things to think about, one of which was getting an apartment with Jesse off campus.

 

That was one of their biggest fights.

 

……

_“That's cool that you helped the Bella's get their own house, I bet you'll be there more than at our place.” It was a good natured joke, but what he didn't know was that he was absolutely right, sans 'our place’. I told her to tell him as soon as the house was ours, even before then when she was contemplating it._

 

_“Hey, Jess, I actually wanted to talk to you about that…”_

 

_“About what?” Thin walls don't help my eavesdropping habits._

 

_“Our place…” I could practically see her avoiding eye contact at all costs._

 

_“I'm so excited! You're gonna hog the blankets and I'll drink out of the milk carton, but I'll make it up to you when I bring you coffee in the morning-”_

 

_“I'm not going with you, Jesse.”_

 

_“What do you mean you're not going with me, you promised, Beca..."_

 

_“I know! And I'm sorry! But these are my girls, I can't just leave-”_

 

_“You won't just be leaving them! You have rehearsals every day and you guys are together every day! You won't go a day without them, but it's okay if you go weeks without me?”_

 

_“That's not what it is, Jesse! I'll see you-”_

 

_“When? Huh? Backstage at the ICCA’s ? I'm sorry, but that's not gonna work for me.” I hear his feet fall heavy on the stairs, and Beca's small feet running after him._

 

_“Jesse, wait!”_

……

 

I tried to be civil after that, but soon I came to terms with the fact that I hate him. That night was bad, but I've seen her in worse conditions and sadly those worse conditions have been most of this trip. “It's not really… it's not…” she looked at me and I can see so much worry in her eyes, I see the slight frown appearing on her face. I want to reach out and smooth over the crease, her lip quivered just a little bit, she's on the verge of tears. I wish I could love her with all I have, but she won't let me. “It's not anything he did.” She said after finally taking a breath, letting a few tears spill over. “It's more like the lack thereof. I did something and he said nothing back… he left. That's it… he just… left…” her voice trailed off and she stared hard at the sand. She was fighting it. She was fighting so hard not to be affected by this, but it's eating her alive I could see it happening right in front of me.

 

“I'm sorry-”

 

“It's fine! It's okay, it's not worth my time, right?” She got up and looked at me. I can't really tell her anything right now. The only thing I can do is nod my head and agree with her, because while her intentions behind that aren't right, this situation not being worth her time was.

 

“Right.” I decided for myself that she'll be okay. My Beca is a fighter, she's scrappy and she can fight like hell. Whatever it is she's not telling me she will. She'll come around, and I'll just keep patiently waiting like I always do. I could wait as long as I need to, I'll wait forever for Beca if I have to.

 

Forever doesn't seem like that big of a price to pay right now.

* * *

 


	12. Chapter 12

* * *

**Valentine's day…**

 

It's smelled like antiseptic and old magazines. There was a knot in my stomach and it just seemed to keep getting tighter and tighter with each passing minute. There was a woman to my left who's baby bump was so big already, I could see her belly button popping out through her tank top. There's a small sliver of skin showing where her shirt rides up. I tried not to watch the way the guy she's with kissed her knuckles and stared at her with stars in his eyes. I wanted to ask her what it was like, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then there was the couple across from me, sitting with one chair to keep space between them both. The guy only looked like he's had a whole cup of nothing but espresso, he kept bouncing his knee and tapping his fingers on the armrest of the chair, while the girl just seemed to be lost in thought, she'd been staring at the painting behind the receptionist's desk for a while now.

 

Then there's me.

 

I've been pretending to listen to music, I couldn't even remember the name of the song that was on and music is my specialty. I'm here in this room where people have their prenatal appointments and ultrasounds with someone with them, and I am here by myself. That's totally fine, but what does that say about me? I'm not sure if I scream 'Poor thing!’ or 'Miss Independent’. Maybe both are accurate, though.

 

* * *

 

I've been eating and eating, literally all I've done since we got back from LA, even before then. I don't get why I eat so much if I just get sick afterwards. Why do they call it 'morning sickness’ if it hits you any random time during the day?

 

“Rebeca Mitchell?” when I looked to the door there was a short raven haired woman in scrubs. I followed her back to where the offices were, there were so many posters with pregnant women and breastfeeding, it's all just so surreal to me. “Someone will be in soon to check your vitals.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

****

 

It's Valentine's day in our little Brooklyn apartment, I've been up since nine this morning and I was surprised to see that Beca was gone. She's never up before I am when she's off, and from my understanding she doesn't have work until we go back to California. There's no reason she should be out of the apartment right now, she didn't tell me she had any other plans. She just disappeared.

 

Beca has been my valentine every year since her freshman year. It's tradition, I always, always, _always_ plan something for us. Last year was a road trip to New Orleans for a music festival, the year before was mini golf, and then our senior year was karaoke. Before that it was just binge watching while eating enormous boxes of chocolate and drinking excessive amounts of wine. It never fails that every year she gets me a flower. Flower singular, not plural, and I'm not exactly sure why. In her freshman year we had just finished up rehearsals and as we were walking to Baker Hall she saw a some tulips in front and she picked one up to smell it and then gave it to me before heading for her dorm.

 

_“Happy Forever Alone day, or whatever.”_

 

Later in her sophomore year she gave me a daisy, I was asleep on the couch and she left it on my forehead with a sticky note that read:

 

**Happy V day lazy daisy.**

**-B**

 

Then junior year, I was cramming for a midterm and I was so swamped and exhausted, but I opened up my Russian Lit textbook to see that she put a daffodil in between the pages and left another note.

 

**Ditzy as a daffodil, but at least you're pretty. Happy Valentines day. XOXO**

**-B**

 

It was funny considering the fact that I was purposely failing to be a Bella and stay with the girls I've grown to love. I did appear as 'ditzy’, but after three years of the same courses I had everything branded into my head. My favorite year has to be our senior year, when she left a sunflower on my bed with a flash drive. That flash drive held a mashup of Walking on Sunshine and Brighter Than the Sun. Then she left another note under the flower.

 

**Happy Valentine's day, Chlo!! Hope you like it!!**

**-Love, Beca**

 

She made me smile like an idiot every single Valentine's day, or every day just in general, with cheesy pick up lines and sappy notes. Our first year in Brooklyn she came home with white wine and a pink camilla.

 

_“Pretty flower for the pretty lady.”_

 

And last year she showed up with a blue pansy and a cupcake from my favorite bakery. She hugged me so tight and she told me she was glad I walked into her life and that she was so proud of me. I started to cry and then she took it upon herself to ruin the moment with a lame flower joke.

 

_“Come on, Chlo, don't be a pansy.”_

 

But this year I’ve decided, since she's been such a couch potato lately, we could binge watch Grey's and drink some champagne I picked up from the market a few nights ago, just like old times. Maybe she'll feel better. I'm trying to do something special for her, to make her feel comfortable in her own skin again.

 

****

 

I had to answer so many questions about my mental  _and_ physical health, I had to weigh myself, get my blood pressure checked, give them my blood work, and a urine sample, and then I got felt up by my doctor, and had a cold stethoscope put all over me. This is the longest doctors appointment I've ever had. There was one last thing to do. “No dad today?”

 

“No, just me.” I sighed lightly.

 

“Oh, that's okay.” I knew she meant well by that, but a part of me wanted to let her have it. It _is_ okay, and if it's not to anyone else then tough. “I’m gonna go ahead, are you ready?” No.

 

“Yeah.” We started the ultrasound, it felt so different and uncomfortable, the doctor was all up in my lady bits and I could only look away and grip the armrests.

 

“Where are you?” Dr. Harper said as the ultrasound technician scrolled around on the black and white screen. Then just when I thought it couldn't, this whole situation was made a lot more awkward because my doctor had been making small grunting noises as she moved around. Then there was a loud heartbeat coming from the monitor, it was faster than a regular heartbeat, like way faster. “There they are!” I faced the monitor quick, there was a black and white screen to see a pear shaped black spot.

 

“Oh my God…” That's my baby.

 

I'm a mother.

 

I started crying so hard, I couldn't see for minute before Dr. Harper gave me a box of tissues. “That's my baby…” I said in between sobs. I've never felt so instantly in love like this. I'm looking at my little black spot, and I see love. This is what love looks like, it doesn't look like cheesy rom-coms or a wedding ring. I thought I'd hit an all time low, and this little creature pulled me out of it. I'm looking at it and my glass isn't half empty anymore, it's not half full either, it's overflowing.

 

 _“Babies.”_ I looked at Dr. Harper with such a confused look on my face, when she adjusted the wand and then there was another black spot on screen. “Twins.”

 

“Oh my God…” I'm having two of them. Two. I'm pushing two humans out of me.

 

Jesus Christ.

 

“Do you want these printed?”

 

“Yes, please…” I'm having kids. Kids plural, singular. Those are my kids. I'm a mom, I'm a mother, I'm having kids. This is so unreal to me, I feel like I'm dreaming, a part of me is questioning if any of this is real.

 

“Here you go, congratulations, mama.” She gave the pictures to me, there's one of the both of them. I'm - _we're_ \- gonna be fine.

 

We're going to be fine.

 

****

 

It was getting late, I've called Beca a million times, and I'm starting to think she's avoiding me. She's been gone all day, it's six o'clock, the take out has been sitting on our small kitchen table and our champagne has been sitting in an ice bucket that is now an ice water bucket. I think I've been stood up on Valentine's day.

 

What a cliché.

 

I wonder where she went. Was it really that important or time consuming that she's been gone all day without telling me where she was going? The door knob to the apartment jiggled and I could hear keys from outside, the door opened and Beca walked in. Her blue scarf covered her mouth, her nose was bright red from the cold, I'm pleased to say she took her jacket with her without me having to remind her. She let her bag clunk to the floor, she had a white and pink lily and an envelope in her hands. “Hey, Chlo.” I said nothing back, I just turned back to my phone. I spent all day waiting for her and then she walks in like she did nothing wrong. Disappearing, under no circumstances, is okay. My phone isn't out of service, she could at least return a call or text me back, or read my messages, she could've at least done that instead of letting me wonder if she's okay, if she's safe.

 

“Happy Valentine's day.” She stood in front of me and held out the lily, it was beautiful, but I didn't reach out to grab it. She set it down next to me and took off all her layers until she was in her thermal. She went around behind the clothing rack and she came back out wearing sweats and with her hair in a bun. I don't understand, she looks like a model in her lazy clothes, but something is different. She's glowing. “What did you do today?”

 

“You know, I could ask you the same thing.” I glared at her and her face went from relaxed and blissful to uneasy and nervous. I got up and walked past her to the bathroom, she watched after me and followed. I couldn't put my finger on it, but whatever it is she did today it was making her steps lighter. She came in with a smile opposed to the frown she's been wearing.

 

“What do you mean?” Her nerves were showing, I could see them in her eyes, she stared at me with an apprehensive expression.

 

Oh my God…

 

“Did you have sex?”

 

“What?” She was glowing, she seems light and weightless, she's been gone all day without telling me, she basically pulled an Amy, and her break up is fairly new, and she's been feeling low. All signs point to yes. “No! No, I wasn't! I didn't!”

 

“Well, then where did you go? Why did you just leave are you avoiding me or something?” I won't be ignored anymore, not when we're supposed to get an apartment in LA together. It won't work if it doesn't change. Beca's expression became angry and pinched, her eyes sharpened, I almost regretted saying what I said, but I have to stand my ground so my stance didn't waver.

 

“Avoiding you? Really?” She chuckled bitterly and walked out to the kitchen and started to put her things away. “You think I'm avoiding you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I am not avoiding you, trust me.” She deadpanned and out her bag up on the rack and pulled out her laptop.

 

“You are, you don't talk to me, you leave without telling me first, and you never answer my calls anymore-” she started smiling as she set up at the table. “What?”

 

“You always find a way to make things about you, this isn't about you.”

 

“I _don't_ make things about me-”

 

“Yes! You do! It's always you, you, and nothing but you, miles and piles of you, Chloe!” Her face turned red and she stood from the table, and walked to her bag to pull out her headphones.

 

“If it's not about me then what is it about, Beca?” She sighed heavily, and she walked over to our bed to pick up the envelope she walked in with.

 

“Here!” She held it out in front of me, but I'm not in the mood for a stupid Valentine right now.

 

“No, Beca.”

 

“Just open it.” There was a seriousness in her face that obviously wasn't going to disappear until I opened the envelope. I was scared to see what was inside. A letter? Some sort of evil blackmail? Something from Theo? I took it from her hand and I lifted up the flap. There were three pictures inside, I took one out and it was an ultrasound picture.

 

“What is this?” She said nothing, so I kept looking. They all had a time, date, and they said 'Rebeca Mitchell’ at the top. There were two prominent black spots in the middle of the picture. There was a thick feeling in the air as she watched me stare down at these pictures. “Becs… what is this?”

 

“I'm pregnant, Chloe.” My eyes shot up at her and she had a wide smile on her face. It sounded like she was miles away, confusion submerged my brain.

 

“What?”

 

“I'm having babies, Chloe.” She chuckled and I could feel the corners of my mouth pulling up. Before it could get to a full smile, it fell when I realized what she just said.

 

“Did you say _'babies’?”_ she nodded and I laughed and I finally smiled, I grabbed her hands and held them between us. “Oh my God, Beca, you're having twins!”

 

“I am!”

 

“You're gonna have kids!” I felt the warm tears falling down my cheeks, and Beca's stormy eyes softened along with her smile. “C-can I?” I looked down at the space between us that would eventually be taken up by a baby bump.

 

“There's nothing there yet, but okay.” She laughed and I got down on my knees and flattened my hand against her stomach. I looked up at her smile, it was gentle but so very eager to meet these little strangers at the same time. Beca's so beautiful. I've always loved the way her smile lines come out, and the way her eyes change from a grey blue color to the dark blue with her mood. Her chocolate brown hair and her small nose, and now I look at her stomach and I've found another thing to call beautiful. She gives me different things to notice every day, but this one was my favorite ever.

 

“This is amazing, _you_ are amazing.” I said into her stomach. Her hand joined mine and I put mine on top. If every Valentine's day wasn't perfect, this would be the greatest thing to ever happen on this overrated holiday. “Let's celebrate!” I scrambled to my feet and grabbed the champagne.

 

“Chloe.” I looked at her and she had a goofy open mouthed smile on her face, her head was tilted to the side and she laughed at me. She raised her eyebrows at the bottle in my hand and I looked at her disbelieving face, then it hit me.

 

“Oh, right.” I picked up the picture with the two black spots that are her unborn children and I held it in front of us, I moved my hand back to her stomach and she weaved our fingers together and held them as close to her as she could. “You're gonna be a mama.” Tears started falling again and she wrapped me into a hug. I breathed in the smell of her lavender body wash, I let my tears trickle on to the skin of her neck. I'm loving her with all I have, and she's finally letting me.

  
And now I have _two more_ reasons to love her with all I have.

* * *

 


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

**One month later…**

 

“ _Why_ am I all over the media, Janine?” I had been at the pharmacy picking up Beca's prenatal vitamins, I was standing in line at checkout and I spotted her name on the cover of one of the magazines. There's currently a picture of her on page six in People, with a clear shot of her small bump, a picture of Theo, and then a picture of both of them at the airport the day he left. Someone had put two and two together and the press is having a field day. They've been trying to get statements from the either of them, but Theo hasn't came back to the states and Beca _will not_ answer any questions regarding the babies or Theo. “Find out who sold that photo and who they work for, then black them out from any press conferences or interviews.”

 

“Hey, Bec-”

 

“I don't care if the story is already out, Janine! If we end up in any other articles, someone is going to have _your_ desk by Monday morning.” her voice was low and threatening, I bet Janine felt the hostility from her end of the call. I was scared to approach her while she was on the phone so I waited until she hung up, and when she did she let out a frustrated scream that reminded me of a toddler tantrum. She opened the sliding door and walked back and forth on the balcony. She kept her hand on her stomach, and she pressed her knuckles to her lips with the other. She's getting bigger, you can see it when she wears tight clothes, she has just a cute little bump. The press didn't even know about the pregnancy until someone got a picture of her walking out of our new apartment. This is a lot of stress on her, not because Theo works under her and he's the suspected father, but because the press is going after her unborn children and berating her for not having a partner present and responsible for all three of them. She was furious to see that her family was a trending story on TMZ. This was everything she _didn't_ want.

 

……

_As we packed away the last of our things, Beca constantly shot down any help from me and Fat Amy. I'm like absolutely positively sure that pregnant women should not have any business carrying boxes down a narrow staircase at all. Especially if said woman is only five feet and two inches tall. That’s just a recipe for disaster. “Beca, let me-”_

 

_“I am not made of glass, Chloe, Jesus.” She ripped the box away from me and continued on her way downstairs, then Amy came up to get the last box._

 

_“Don't make a pregnant woman feel like she can't do anything, she'll be all over you like a pack of dingos in the summer.” Amy gave me a hard pat on the back before taking the box down to the truck, and spilling a few packing peanuts. I made my way over to the bathroom and looked at the blackened outlet next to the bathtub. Beca had been blow drying her hair and Amy filled up the tub with water to take a bath, I had slipped on a sock, and ran head on into Beca, and she dropped the hair dryer into the tub, and killed the power to the whole building. It was a chaotic mess and Rick, our landlord, has been keeping an extra eye on us ever since._

 

_“Hi, my loves,” I heard Beca just around the corner in front of the window. “We're gonna go for a ride this weekend, we're gonna go far, far away to California.” I came around, she had her back faced to me, I took out my camera and started recording. “I'm sad because this was Mama's favorite place in the whole wide world. I know it's small, and it's not much, there's cracks in the tiles, and the paint is peeling.” I'm a little offended at how she's only calling out the inconvenient and bad characteristics of our apartment. “And sometimes when aunty Amy uses the potty while I'm in the shower, she flushes and the water gets really cold when I'm in there. But I had all my favorite, favorite people here. I had a home here, and it was your guy's home too.” when I stepped to my left, the floor creaked and she turned around. “Did you just record me?”_

 

_“Yeah, I'm just editing it now.”_

 

_“Don't post it.” Her voice was so stern and serious, I thought she was being shy, but it seemed bigger than that. I could see it in her eyes._

 

_“Why?”_

 

_“Because my kids don't need to have cameras shoved in their faces before they even know what a camera is.” I saved it, but I didn't post it. It'll come in handy at some point. “I need to do everything I can to keep them as far away from my career as possible.”_

……

 

Beca tried, but it seemed like it was only a matter of time before people started noticing the extra weight that comes with her belly.

 

* * *

 

We've been here in LA for two weeks, going on three. It's strange not sharing a bed with Beca. We've shared a bed for three years, and before that we constantly had sleepovers. Now that we have our own rooms with our own beds there's no need to share one anymore. We have two bedrooms, one master bathroom, and a smaller bathroom next to my room. I thought I'd let Beca have the bigger room since there's going to be two extra people living here in the fall.

 

If she decides she still wants to be my roommate.

  
She said she's staying until I finish vet school, but I'm not sure if I can count on it. Things are different now, she's not just thinking for her anymore, she has bigger responsibilities to take care of. She has more priorities. Women with kids don't usually have roommates. Not ones that are on their way to total stardom. I don't know if she'll stay, but I can't imagine my life if she didn't. Seven years of friendship will do that to a person. We're inseparable and to think that something that was, and _is,_ inseparable is actually going to be separated is a little heartbreaking. I don't want to let her go, I'd follow her to the ends of the Earth. I followed her to New York, so that's close enough. She's not just my Beca anymore, she's a mother now. She belongs to two other humans, she's never _belonged_ to me, but I find it harder and harder to let go of something that's been _a part of me_ for so long.

 

****

 

My phone is ringing for the millionth time today. Mostly people from work, trying to do as much damage control as possible, and my mom, a lot of the Bellas, but now my screen says 'Dad’. There's a lump in my throat I've been trying to swallow so I don't stress myself out. My new doctor, Dr. Ellison, said that stress was bad for the babies and that I shouldn't work too hard. Stress is bad, and I know I shouldn't be so consumed by this, but being splashed all over People and US Weekly makes it hard to keep my stress levels down.

 

I can't imagine what he'll say, but I can bet it's something along the lines of 'I’m very disappointed in you.’ and 'what were you thinking?’. “Hello…?” I answered cautiously, waiting in the calm before the storm.

 

“What is this I hear about you having a baby? Why haven't you called anyone? Did you not think that was important? Just because we haven't always been civil doesn't mean-”

 

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to keep it from you, but dad-”

 

“Who is he?” I really want to run away and hide. This is already worse than I expected. “Who is that man in the picture, Rebeca?” he _was_ someone. He still is I guess, if he wants to be. I won't force this, if he doesn't want to be a part of it then he doesn't have to be.

 

“No one-”

 

“People who are _'no one’_ aren't suspected to be the father of your secret baby, I cannot believe how careless you're being about this!”

 

“Do you think I wanted anyone to find out like this? I'm keeping them _safe!_ _They_ are my first priority, not keeping you up to date on my personal life!”

 

 _“'They’_?” I just opened a whole different can of worms. I clenched my eyes shut and I sat down on my bed.

 

“Yes, dad, 'they’.”

 

“You're going to support two human beings in LA, by yourself, while working in the music industry?”

 

“That's the plan, dad.” I've been working at this for too long, this is my dream and if I can't follow my dreams then how am I supposed to set that example for my kids?

 

“You have to choose one or the other, you have to think of them first. Don't you think they'd want a dad? You know you can't do this alone, Beca.”

 

“What makes you think I can't?” He _always_ underestimates me, and he _always_ makes all my efforts look so small. I can do this by myself, I _am_ doing it by myself.

 

“There are things you can do and things you just can't. This is one of those things.”

 

“I can do this, but I won't be doing it your way.”

 

“You should have asked for help, or answered the phone. Your poor mother has been calling you, _everyone_ has been calling you, you can't be so selfish and keep these types of things to yourself.”

 

Selfish.

 

 _I'm_ being selfish?

 

Okay then.

 

****

 

Beca's dad is really letting her have it. I almost want to go in her room and take her phone to give him a piece of my mind, but I can't get between this right now. “I know, dad, I know! I'm _so_ irresponsible for not telling anyone and risking scandals like this, I'm just so inconsiderate, aren't I?”

 

But, damn I want to so bad.

 

“Yes, yes! He does know!... No, he just doesn't want any of it… what? Do you think I just woke up wanting this to happen?... I'm not keeping him from anything, he just doesn't want to be a father!” I can hear the choked back sobs in her voice every time it breaks. How could her dad be so upset right now? He's going to be a grandfather, he only has Beca he won't have any other chances. I'd be ecstatic.

 

 _I_ am ecstatic.

 

“Get off your fucking high horse, dad, you're no better than either of us!...” I'm getting multiple texts from the Bellas asking if it's true, outside of Stacie and me, no one else knew until those magazines hit the shops. “Because _he_  never said he loved me and left! _”_ she hasn't used her parents divorce against him since we were still attending Barden. When she'd get mad at him she would mumble to herself about how he 'sort of owed her’ and that she didn't need his approval anymore. She obviously still wanted it, but with that man it seemed as if she would never get it.

 

“I am _not_ being ridiculous! I'm trying, dad, I'm trying! I'm so fucking sorry that there's no wedding and that I won't wear grandma's dress, it's really so fucking disappointing, but that's nothing new.” I want to tell her everything wonderful about herself. I want to tell her how beautiful she is, and how brave she is, and that she's gonna get through this. I want to tell her everything until she understands that she is so amazing on every front. “Mom did it, so I can do it… no, I'm okay, I don't want your pity money. I'm making a life for the three of us, and I can do it without your self-righteous donation… no, I'm going back to Georgia… you can take your complaints and shove down someone else's throat, I'm done talking about this.” She let out another frustrated cry and I took it as my cue to knock on the door. “Come in.”

 

“Hey, Becs.” I sat on the bed next to her, she was laying on her side, holding onto the pillow with all she had. “You okay?”

 

“I'm fine.”

 

“Are you sure? Because it's okay if-”

 

“I'm fine, I just have to find a publicist and a way to get to my appointment next week.” I pulled both my feet up onto the bed to sit criss cross facing her. She has her second trimester appointment on Friday. They're doing more tests, one to see if either of them have down syndrome, another one for the placenta, and a bunch of other ones having to do with her blood and cervix. She's sixteen weeks pregnant, which means we - _she_ \- might find out what the genders are for her mid-pregnancy ultrasound.

 

“What do you think they'll be?”

 

“Human, hopefully.” I slapped her thigh and she laughed as she tried to sit up. “You like to hit pregnant women or something? Gosh, Beale, didn't know you were such a monster.”

 

“I think you're gonna have two boys.” I can totally see two little brown haired boys with her eyes, crawling around the living room. They'll be lucky if they get at least some of Theo's genes, it'd be kind of funny if they only got to be five feet before they stopped growing.

 

“Yikes.” She shuddered and then she put her freehand up to her lip and tapped it. “I think I'm having both, like a boy and a girl.” be the cutest siblings, they'll do everything together. They ride bikes together, play video games together, go to school together.

 

They could both go to Barden like us - _I mean_ \- Beca!

 

“A Treblemaker and a Bella! That's, like, the ultimate sibling rivalry!” It'd be so perfect, everyone loves a little sibling competition. It'll be like Ferris and Jeanie Bueller.

 

“If they go to Barden.” I frowned so hard because of course they're going to Barden! Where else would they go? I watched Beca laugh and just rub her hand over her stomach. “What if they're total brainiacs and decide to go to a fancy pants, ivy league school?”

 

“They'll have honorary titles anyway.” Beca rolled her eyes at me and she stayed quiet for a while.

 

“I need to get everything in order.” The happy moment seemed gone so fast. She picked up her phone and she looked at me, the expression in her eyes was tired and serious. “I gotta make some calls.” I just nodded and I left her to it. I stood outside of her door, I'm not sure for how long, but long enough for the talking to stop, and to see the lights go out. The only thing I could hear from inside was the faint sounds of music. I want to be here, but it seems like she might not want it that way. She likes my company and to have me around, but when it comes to the babies she's further away from where we started. Like if she doesn't want me around them, or if she doesn't need me. I want to be here for her, for _them,_ but she doesn't want me.

 

She doesn't want me.

* * *

 


	14. Chapter 14

* * *

**One week later…**

 

“Rebeca Mitchell?” We both looked at the tall blonde nurse standing in the doorway that separates the offices from the waiting room. She stands up, and I follow her. I can feel the eyes on us as we make our way back. Of course people would stare at us. Who would bring someone that was _'just their best friend’_ to their mid-pregnancy ultrasound? From the outside we looked like more than just best friends, but that wasn't the case. We aren't 'partners’ and we aren't 'together’, yet somehow saying that to myself leaves a sour and bitter taste on my tongue.

 

We're not together.

 

I'm not even listening to anyone, I'm watching Beca and her uneasy eyes flitting from me to the nurse. Her hands are mildly shaking, I nonchalantly offered my hand by lightly nudging her pinky with mine.

 

She took it.

 

I want to smile wide, but I'm too distracted by the unreasonable heat rushing up my hand from the contact. I still feel the tremors coming from her hand, I gave her a reassuring squeeze and earned myself a Chloe smile. Neither of us had said anything to each other early except for simple things like 'Good morning.’ or 'Our Uber’s here.’, we didn't talk about today's appointment, we just acted like it wasn't happening.

 

I think she's scared.

 

I am too.

 

****

 

I'm scared.

 

Of everything.

 

I tried not to think about it during my appointment, my blood pressure was so high that nurse said she'd be back to do it again because that's expected before these appointments. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one who freaked out.

 

Chloe's here too.

 

I'm glad that she is. I'm glad that she hasn't dropped off the face of the Earth just because at some point I'm going to look and feel like a beached whale. Through seven years that I've known her, Chloe has been and remains the only constant and steadfast thing in my life. She never strays or folds, she keeps her place beside me in everything. She's so good like that.

 

She's too good for me.

 

I honestly don't know why she hangs around when all I ever do is drag other people down with me. But I love her for it. Not just in a romantic way, but just in general. It's a very admirable and respectable quality. I've been pricked with needles and they've tested the stuff inside my lady junk, the ultrasound technician strapped a weird, round, little, speaker-do-bob to my stomach and then squirted really cold, blue gel onto my stomach right below my belly button. Some of that shit they did to me earlier was painful, I'm not gonna lie, but every time I looked at Chloe she would smile at me. When I was getting blood drawn, she let me squeeze her hand tight, she didn't bother to mention what a wuss I am, she just did whatever got me through it.

 

_“You're so brave, Becs.”_

 

I was offered an amniocentesis test-thingy, but that would put the kids at risk, so I declined. No one told me I wasn't being careful, or responsible, or whatever. They just let my decision be my decision. It felt nice. “Alright, Mama, are we gonna wanna know what the sex is?” technician asked me as another nurse rubbed the gel over my stomach. The babies heartbeats sounding off in the small office.

 

“Yes, please.” The technician scrolled around on her side of the monitor, while the other nurse slightly moved the wand to the left.

 

“Alright… I just need this little peanut to move their arms…” her tongue was peaking out of her mouth just a little bit, she leaned closer into the screen. I kept my thumbs hooked in my jeans, waiting for something to come up. “Come on, sweetheart, just move a little bit…” I'm starting to get really nervous, but as far as this appointment goes, it's confirmed that I've having two healthy babies, just don't know what the little sea monkeys are. “Aha!” I whipped my head around to look at the screen, I see the mouse circling over one of them. “You've got yourself…" she squinted at the screen and adjusted her glasses. “One little girl!”

 

“And the other?” Stacie _so_ owes me money if I'm right. The technician let out high pitched hum, and kept looking, while the nurse let's the wand venture to the other regions of my stomach until she's at the upper right side. I'm waiting, the whole room is silent, except the sounds of clicking and sniffling. I looked back at Chloe, who had tears streaming down her cheeks as she stared at the monitor. A smile rose to her face and I met her back with one.

 

“Booyah!” I turned back around quick, the technician smiled widely at me and started patting her knees rapidly. “Drum roll…”

 

“What am I having?”

 

“Two girls! Congratulations, Mama!”

 

* * *

 

I shook my head so hard I think I heard my brain slap against my skull. “There is _no way_ my girls are gonna have scheme names, dude.”

 

“But that's the highlight of having twins!” Chloe exclaimed with a mouth full of strawberry ice cream.

 

“I'm gonna confuse them with each other and then I'm gonna feel like a bad mom!” It _could_ happen.

 

Oh my God.

 

What if I  _am_ a bad mom?

 

What they hate me?

 

“You could never be a bad mom.” I beg to differ.

 

****

 

“Chloe.” I heard someone call my name, so I opened my eyes and lifted my head. I glanced around the dark room. Then over to the alarm clock to my right, and I saw that it was past midnight. But then I also felt a shift in the mattress.

 

This isn't my room.

 

This is Beca's room.

 

I must've fallen asleep while we were binge watching That 70's Show. I looked in the direction I heard my name called again, and I saw Beca with her hands resting on her stomach. "Beca? What's wrong? Why are you up, it's late, sweetie.” I adjusted myself and kneeled in front of her, her hands are still clamped to her stomach. “Bec, what's wrong? Is it the girls? Are you hurting?” I scrambled off the bed to put on my shoes and my coat.

 

“I felt them.” I stopped moving and then I circled around to her side of the bed to sit in front of her.

 

“What?”

 

“The girls,” she sniffled in between and let more tears fall. “I felt them move.” I let out a disbelieving laugh and I touched her stomach.

 

“Becs, that's amazing.” I leaned down and I was talking directly into her stomach. “You're amazing.” I looked back up at her to see that she's still crying, but I know her enough to know that she's not crying happy tears. “Beca, what's wrong? Talk to me.”

 

“They have such a broken family already.” her statement broke my heart.

 

“It's not broken, sweetie.”

 

“We're in every headline, their grandpa literally disapproves of everything I do, and their dad left and is nowhere to be found because I ruined his life and I don't know if he'll ever come back.” She sobbed loudly and covered her face with her hands. I took my place on her right side and put an arm around her. “Everybody leaves, and I just want my girls to know they're loved, and I'm doing a  really shit job.”

 

“Hey, I didn't leave.” I held her as tight as I could to reassure her that I'm still here. “I'm here and I always will be.” I now know that a mother's first quickening makes for a very emotional two in the morning. “And they have a family too, all the Bellas are here, and it might not be _your_ family, or Theo, but we'll love your daughters just the same.”

 

“I just want to be a good mom.”

 

“And you are, and you will be, Becs, I know you will.” She laid down and I scooted off to the side to get off the bed.

 

“Promise?” this was the most vulnerable I've seen her in months. Her voice was small and shy, there was a hint of uncertainty I didn't like.

 

“Promise.” I got off the bed and I walked over to the door. “Goodnight, Be-”

 

“Stay?” she leaned back on her elbows and stared at me. “Please?”

 

“Okay.” I took my shoes back off and left my coat on the chair in the corner. I got back under the duvet, Beca scooted her back into my front, and I slung my arm over her hip. I nuzzled my chin on her shoulder, and splayed my fingers on her stomach. This was the closest we've been lately. She tangled our fingers together, and the small gesture gave me a temporary heart murmur.

 

“Don't leave, okay?” she squeezed my hand and I squeezed back.

 

“I won't.” And that is the honest truth.

* * *

 


	15. Chapter 15

* * *

**Twenty-five weeks pregnant…**

 

“Beca, Calamity's here.”

 

“‘Kay, thanks, J, send her in.” I've been working closely with Calamity and the girls for a couple weeks now, and we've been in and out of the studios trying to make How a Heart Unbreaks hit the top forty. I've been getting to know them more personally, and they've been getting to know me, things are good.

 

Our first day, not so much.

 

They asked me about the girls dad.

 

……

_“Beca, I have the group Evermoist here, they say they have an appointment.”_

 

_“Okay, send em’ in.” I released the intercom button, but I quickly pressed it again as it occurred to me that I forgot to use my manners. “Oh and thanks, by the way.” This is my first meeting with the band since my performance. I am in desperate need of something to do, I haven't had too much on my plate except for newly scheduled Skype calls with Legacy to talk about music and her plans now that she graduated. She said she was coming straight from school with a couple of friends, Nina and Gabbie. I'm excited, she’s due in LA in a month. I won't just have Evermoist, I'll have Emily too. It'll be a nice distraction for a while. I haven't had much time to think of my schedule for the whole birth thing. I haven't been able to focus, I've been so distracted._

 

_I'm finding it easier to get distracted these days._

 

_Chloe is always touching my stomach and Amy too, I always have to remind them both that I'm not a crystal ball. Chloe's excuse is that technically I'm 'holding the future’, so I am a crystal ball._

 

_“Woah!” I looked up and saw Calamity, Charity, Veracity, and Serenity all staring at my stomach. “That's new.”_

 

_“Hey, guys.” I used the armrests of the chair to push myself up to stand and walk towards them. “Yeah, this ol’ thing, it's definitely… definitely a new thing.” I chuckled awkwardly. It's always weird when people I know run into me and see my stomach. It's not absolutely huge, but you can still obviously see my well rounded stomach through a lot of the things I wear._

 

_“Alright, Mr. Worker Bee! Didn't know Theo had it in him.” they laughed, but I didn't. We don't say that name here._

 

_“We actually don't talk about him.” She stopped and so did the other three. “Like ever.”_

……

 

They respect my wishes. I bonded with all of them over pizza and _root beer_ since drinking is extremely against the rules and frowned upon for pregnant women. They all tried to come up with names for them, but really all of their names sounded very hipster-ish or alternative. I mean, it would only make sense that their names are alternative since I _am_ just 'some alt girl with mad lib beats’. I hate to hold that against Aubrey, but then I don't because it's hilarious, and funny, and my kids are gonna get a kick out of some old stories about the old control freak their aunty Aubrey was. “Hey, mom.” Calamity came in just as I put down folders and notes from our most recent recording.

 

“Hey, Cals, what's up?” We weren't supposed to have an appointment today. It was supposed to be the one day of the week they spend time out of the studio.

 

“I just want to drop something off and check on you.” She held up a pastel pink colored bag with a purple Brachiosaurus on it. Calamity likes to ask me about my girls. Not just to have information about things I wasn't leaking to the press, but because she had a niece and a nephew, Morgan and Landen. Surprisingly, she was really good with them, when we had gotten the chance to talk about my girls alone she was quick to show off her screensaver. It was a selfie of her and two dark haired children with big cheesers looking into the camera.

 

“Oh, you didn't have to do that.” She held out the bag to me and I gestured back to the small couch area in my office.

 

“I know, I just saw it and I thought that you would get a kick out of it.” I pulled out the white tissue paper and pulled one big t-shirt and two onesies with a Bob Ross painting as the print.

 

“'We don't make mistakes,’,” I put the one that was obviously mine down and picked up the onesies. “'Just happy little accidents.’” I laughed so hard, I literally almost, honest to God, peed myself. I think that had more to do with the girls using my uterus as a bouncy house though. “Thank you, this is great. I'll make sure to put this in my overnight bag.” Calamity was easy to talk to about my family. Chloe and I talk about it, but it all honestly scares the hell out of me. The thought of pink balloons, and diaper cakes, and that stupid game where you get the pen in the water bottle. Then starting a registry at Baby's R Us and picking things out for them like carseats, and cribs, and mobiles, and stuffy's. I actually wanted my mom to mail me my stuffy because I want my girls to have it. But all of that is just terrifying. I'm a mom now, but still saying that to myself is so surreal and totally new. But talking about it with Calamity is easier. She likes to tell me stories, and she's all about pumping Morgan and Landen full of sugar before sending them back to their mother, and she advised me to be extremely aware of which aunt they'll be visiting if I want to avoid major sugar rushes. She kind of just wants to share with me rather than discuss with me.

 

“So…” I could tell she wanted to ask a question. Maybe she wants to hear the track again. Technically, I'm not supposed to show her just yet, but since when do I ever listen to rules? “Have you heard from him, at all?” I stayed silent for a while, I stared at the coffee table and then occasionally made eye contact with her. I hate talking about this because Theo scares me too. I ruined his life and now when he comes back I'm not sure if he'll want any part in his daughters life.

 

“No,” I sighed heavily after thinking long and hard to give a good and mature answer. “Nor do I want to.” that's a lie.

 

“He's coming back soon, I would try to start talking a little before then.” I appreciate her unbiased opinion, but it's not what I'm looking for right now. Well, it doesn't really matter if I'm seeking advice from this woman, sometimes she just says things and that thing is what I need to hear. "It might make it easier." It's nice to have a voice of reason again, but then at the same time it wasn't.

 

* * *

 

I'm hungry.

 

Like, really, very, super hungry.

 

My little loves - Yes; they're my 'little loves’, and no; that nickname does not make me any less badass than Chloe and Stacie says it does - have been really taking advantage of the fact that I can feel them move now.

 

It's _really_ inconvenient at one in the morning.

 

They do their little synchronized womb gymnastics, and I do my best to ignore the way they rest on my bladder, which now seems to be the equivalent to a squirrels bladder. Right now, right in this moment, I really hate that my uterus is being occupied by two different human beings because one of them is curled up in my ribs and the other is sitting somewhere near my tailbone. I need to take a nap, but then I have to pee, and I'm still really hungry, I could've had all three if Amy would've just let me go home. “Alright, shortstack, you can have cookies and cream cheese cake drenched in chocolate syrup, or you can have a Yummy Dummy supersized sundae with extra sprinkles,” she sat across from me in her gaudy, hot pink limousine that she bought herself when we arrived back in New York. She said the only way we would get home was 'in style’. “Which do you pick?” She held both her hands out to signify me weighing my options. I arched an eyebrow at her with my signature deviant and cunning smirk.

 

“Put your hands together.”

 

“Oh my God,” she wiped faux tears from under her eyes and sniffled. “For the first time in almost eight years, we're thinking the same thing.” She laughed and threw her fist up in the air. “Shalom!”

 

****

 

Making coffee sounds totally lame, but you do meet some pretty cool people. I work at a hipster coffee shop not too far from Beca's office. It's called Black Bird Coffee House. The smell in here alone is probably enough to give me all the energy I need for the day, the smell of coffee beans and espresso is so strong. “‘Another day, another dollar.’ right, Chlo?”

 

“Hey, John.” John is one of our regulars, so I've been made aware. He's cute, I'll admit, but he is _so_ full of himself. For some reason being the new girl on staff, he thinks his pick up lines actually work.

 

“Can I get-”

 

“'A caramel macchiato, light ice, not heavy because if it's heavy you're not going to drink it, and with just a little bit of soy, not a lot, but just enough for you to taste it, and an apple fritter.”

 

“You remembered my order?” He smirked at me and leaned his weight on the counter across from me. I leaned across, my face was about less than an inch away from his, I put my lips close to his ear to whisper.

 

“Actually, we have it taped behind the counter because we all know how basic you are.” I pulled back, his slack jawed expression fell into a pout.

 

“And here I thought you knew the key to my heart.”

 

“Nope!” I walked over to the pastry display and grabbed his apple fritter and put it in a small brown bag. “If I knew the key to your heart, you wouldn't be in and out of this coffee shop without my number.” I gave him his fritter and coffee. “Have a nice day, John.” he saluted me and walked out, I glanced at the clock, and I've never been more glad to able to read the time because my work day was officially over. “Nancy, Drew! I'm leaving!” Before leaving I eyed the pastry display and saw a blueberry scone and then back to where we make the coffee.

 

It's been a while, what the heck.

 

* * *

 

“Honey, I'm home!” There's loud music playing throughout our apartment. It took me a while to recognize it, but somebody's playing Cheap Trick.

 

**I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd you to love me. I'll shine up my old brown shoes, I'll put on a brand new shirt, I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.**

 

I saw Beca carrying a laundry basket from her room, she hadn't seen me yet and I'm glad. This is is too great. I followed her to the kitchen, and I leaned against the sink and watched her throw clothes into the washer. 

 

**Didn'tI, didn't I, didn't I, see you cryin'? Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I, see you cryin'? Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin', oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I, see you cryin'?**

 

She's bouncing and headbanging with no shame, I swear if she wouldn't murder me I would be recording this whole thing. “I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me, I'm beggin' you to beg me. I'll shine up my old brown- oh shit!” She turned around and saw me, she dropped the basket and held her hand to her chest. “Sorry, it's-uh-”

 

“Cheap Trick, I understand.” I walked over to our speaker and lower the volume.

 

“Yeah, yeah it is.” She's still breathless, she looks absolutely mortified, I'd tease, but seeing her little performance has already made my day _the. Best. Day. Literally. Ever._

 

“And you can't really hum to Cheap Trick.” I sat down at our table and saw a pink pastel bag, with a purple Long Neck dinosaur on it. Every time I see them I think of The Land Before Time and 'Mama, what's a _long_ neck?’. It never fails. I heard Beca putting the clothes to wash and then she came out.

 

She's so beautiful.

 

I can never keep my eyes on her face anymore, when I have the opportunity I stare at the girls.

 

The babies, I mean.

 

They're getting bigger, Becs has a little baby bump, it's so adorable. I keep grabbing it and she keeps telling me she's not a crystal ball, but she _is_ technically holding the future in there so.

 

“Yeah, once you've started you're kind of obligated to belt it out.” she sat across from me, I think it's funny that she can't scoot in her chair all the way anymore because of her stomach.

 

“What's this?” I picked up the bag and looked inside, there was a big t-shirt and a couple of onesies.

 

“Calamity brought me that earlier, she came to check on me.” she put her hair up in a ponytail, I couldn't keep my eyes on her gift, I kept catching her eye. I love the way the few strands of rogue hair manage to stay out of the hair tie. She picked up her flat white and took a sip, but then she spit it back out into the cup. “Thanks for the coffee, but I uh-I can't drink it.”

 

“Why?” I would be lying if I said I wasn't crushed.

 

“Can't have caffeine remember?”

 

“Oh, right, sorry.” Nevermind, not crushed. I think since I'm around Beca so much that _I_ have pregnancy brain. I'm delighted to see that she's getting crumbs from her scone all over her shirt. It's adorable, her tummy is so cute. “Oh my God, what is this?” These onesies are horribly funny. It's a Bob Ross quote. 'We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.’. There is nothing more hilarious than that.

 

“She thought it'd be funny.” We laughed for a second, and then Beca stopped and grimaced. “Damn it, I need to pee again.” I laughed at her and she gave me a sarcastic smile and saluted me with her middle finger. I guess I probably shouldn't laugh at the small size of pregnant women's bladders. Things seem to be going smoother than before her mid-pregnancy ultrasound. She seems maybe just a little bit lighter, but when I talk about overnight bags and making a registry, or planning baby showers she seems to freeze up. Even more when anyone asks about Theo. She doesn't like to talk about him, she hates it, it strikes a nerve from her childhood. He's coming back soon, she'll have to face him at work, there wouldn't be any getting out of it unless she transferred him or fired him, but she has to have a plausible reason to do either. If she really wanted to, she would totally find a reason, but she already feels guilty about ‘scaring him away’ so I don't think she'll do that.

 

Emily is coming here to LA in July, we wanted to go to her graduation in May, but it was too short notice so we had to settle with the Skype call from Aubrey at the ceremony. I'm so proud of her, I'm glad she didn't stay for seven years like I did because the last I've heard is that she loves the Bellas and acapella just as much as me. She's a good girl, and soon she'll be working with Beca so she'll be around more often. I already have Stacie and Beca here, but a part of me wants to be really selfish and greedy and have all of them here, but they all have their separate lives now. Maybe for Beca's baby shower, if she actually let's me plan it. “Chloe!” I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, she sitting on the toilet, her face is completely pale and terrified.

 

“What? What's wrong?”

 

“I'm bleeding.”

* * *

 


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

This can't be happening.

 

It's not supposed to be like this, the world can't just give me something and then take it away like this. I went to use the bathroom and when I wiped there was blood on the tissue, so I looked down and there was some in my pee too, I was spotting and for the first few minutes after looking down I realized that it's gonna be one of the those tragic pregnancy stories. The, oh so sad, tale of a celebrity in Los Angeles losing their baby before even meeting them, and articles written about the timeline of the pregnancy, and the doctors appointment for the horrible news followed by a section just for condolences. That sounds about right. When did my life hit rock bottom so fast?

 

****

 

Is it over?

 

Is this it?

 

Will I never meet these little girls? I'll have to watch Beca go through the pain and depression, she'll have to have an operation to get them removed from her. She'll be one of the very many that didn't get to be so lucky to have a smooth and healthy pregnancy. I'm not sure if I should have her bedroom ready with blackout curtains and her old comforter from college, or if she'll go to Washington and stay with her mother.

 

No.

 

No, I refuse to believe any of that. If those girls really are Beca Mitchell's daughters, then I know they're going to fight with everything they have.

 

They have to.

 

I pressed a long kiss to Beca's temple and I let silent tears run down my cheeks. “It's gonna be okay.” I kept pushing the wheelchair, following the nurse to the large double doors at the end of the corridor.

 

“I'm sorry, ma'am, but you have to be immediate family to go back with her.” I nodded and I knelt down in front of the wheelchair and I grabbed her shaking hands. Her once warm smile and bright eyes were darkened and replaced by a sorrowful and mourning expression.

 

“It's going to be okay.”

 

“Ma'am.” The woman gestured for me to move so Beca could go quickly, so I did. She started pushing Beca through the doors, but she turned her head to look at me.

 

“Chloe!” She sobbed and her pleading eyes beckoned me to join her through the doors, despite the rules, but I couldn't find it in me to move my planted feet to follow. The dull grey doors came together and Beca was out of sight.

 

****

 

“What you are experiencing is called Placenta Previa, it occurs when a baby's placenta partially or totally covers the mother's cervix…” all I can hear is the loud hum of the lights on the ceiling and my heartbeat in my ears. This all feels like an out of body experience, like I'm watching myself listening to this doctor, but not really because all I heard was what she said I have and nothing past that. I feel so helpless. They wouldn't let Chloe back, I don't think they would've let anyone back, I'm alone in this and it's so scary. “... you might bleed throughout your pregnancy and during your delivery.”

 

“So my girls…” I have to be strong right now. I held back the loud sob building in my chest and I exhaled, my breath was shaky and uneven. “Are-are they okay?”

 

“They are just fine, sweetheart.” I let out all my tears and held onto my stomach tight and I thanked my lucky stars that I get to keep them. “But I do recommend that you avoid activities that might cause contractions, like having sex, douching, using tampons, or doing things that can increase your risk of bleeding, like running, squatting, and jumping, things like that.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“You can go home, it's better that you refrain from lifting or bending.” She gave me my appointment review and put hand sanitizer up to her elbows. “That pretty redhead has been asking about you since you came in, do you want her to come in or meet you in the waiting room?”

 

“Send her in, please.”

 

“Okay, you take care of yourself.” She moved to walk about and she opened the door.

 

“Dr. Ellison?” She turned to face me, she slid her glasses down to the tip of her nose. “Thank you.” She smiled and walked out of the room. I sat on the hospital bed for a little while longer and cried.

 

****

 

“Miss?”

 

“Yes?” Stacie's head snapped up and Amy's too, we all moved forward to the doctor and she looked at us all with an incredulous look on her face.

 

“I'm Dr. Ellison, I think we've met before,” she glanced at Stacie and Amy, but the she was talking directly to me. “Rebeca and the twins are fine-”

 

“Yes!” Amy threw her fists in the air and we all glared at her, she shyly put them back down at her sides and I looked back at Dr. Ellison.

 

“The spotting she experienced earlier this evening is a condition called Placenta Previa.”

 

“What's-what’s that?” I felt dumb for not knowing what that was, I should know what it is right? I felt useless there.

 

“It's when the placenta kind of blocks or totally blocks the cervix.” I looked at Stacie, surprised that she answered my question. “What? They talked to me about this at my appointments.” I looked back at Dr. Ellison, hoping that she wasn't getting too irritated with us.

 

“I highly recommend she doesn't do any lifting, bending, running, or any type of intense physical activity for at least four weeks, it's very important that she minimizes all physical activity to walking, but no more than that.”

 

“Okay,” she's not gonna like that. “Is there anything else?”

 

“No, that's all, but she's waiting for you. She's still a little shaken up about everything, but I would get in there.”

 

“She's waiting for me?” She nodded and patted my shoulder before heading behind the nurses station. I walked down the hall, and I stood outside her door for a second, unsure of what condition she'll be in when I see her.

 

“I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm givin’ you all my love-”

 

“Is there a reason why you're singing 'the cheesiest song ever’ to the girls?” I offered her a soft smile and sat next to her on the chair on her right.

 

“I couldn't think of any other song except that one.” she kept humming and rubbing her stomach. I listened to the song and sank into the tranquil moment. Seemed like only yesterday we met at the activities fair, now we're here in a hospital room because of a little miscarriage scare. It's not the best of circumstances, but it's calm. Like after a huge thunderstorm, the rain stops pouring, and the skies open up, and there's a rainbow, and everything is still. I never imagined we'd be here. In my dreams I was always at these doctors appointments for myself, and I was always so happy, but I never saw whoever it was there in the room with me. Since the roles are reversed and Beca's here at her appointment instead, I'm glad whoever the mystery person in my dreams isn't a mystery in her reality. I'm glad that it's me, that I get to witness her grow in more ways than one. Beca started giggling and I looked over at her.

 

“What's so funny?”

 

“They're moving and it tickles.” She sat there a little longer, rhythmically tapping her tummy. She swung her legs off the left of the bed and reached down to get her underwear. I dived after her hand and grabbed them for her. “Dude!”

 

“You're not supposed to be bending.” She sighed heavily and held her hand out.

 

“Can I have my underwear then?”

 

“Oh, right.” I gave them back to her and picked up her pants. “Why do you do that?” I let the question slip before I could catch myself.

 

“Do what?” She leaned on the bed to try and put her jeans on without bending, but I knelt and put them around her ankles and pulled them past her knees. She mumbled a ‘thanks’ and put on her coat.

 

“You’re fine one minute, talking to people and laughing, but then as soon as you need help you keep everyone arms length away. Why?” She didn't change her shirt she just put the jacket over her gown and held her tank in her hands.

 

“Because.”

 

“Because why?”

 

“Because the ones I actually let in, I'm too afraid that they'll run away!” I was taken back by the way she snapped at me, I stood there and she sighed again, taking a seat on the other chair in the corner. “Everybody leaves when it seems like too much. My mom and I were too much for my dad, I was too much for Jesse, and _we,”_ she gestured down to her stomach and looked back at me. “Were too much for Theo. As soon as something is too much with me people give up, so if I can be fine on my own then it won't be too bad when people leave.”

 

“Beca, I don't care if you have a million and one problems that need solving, I don't care if you have a million and one questions that need answers,” I put my hands on her stomach and looked her deep in the eyes. “I am here, I am here, and I will sit with you to help you solve those problems, and do my best to help you find answers. It's not too much for me.”

 

“You made plans to go to school and be a vet, but right now all I am making is problems. Problems that aren't yours to solve and it's not fair.” She started crying again, and I wiped the tears from under her eyes. “If I don't solve my own problems, I'll give someone else new ones.”

 

“Bec…” I can't convey to her the thoughts and feelings she invokes in me every time we're together, I can't tell her how amazing she actually is without taking too long or breaking out into various love songs that still won't do her justice. “You don't make problems.” The light in her eyes faded a little and I'm not sure why, but I want to do everything in my power to restore it.

 

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

I can't read her. I know the girls are more important, and I shouldn't be thinking about me right now. I should be thinking about them, through and through, no interruptions or discrepancies, but I can feel that Beca's hurting. I can feel it, and I want to fix it. “Beca!”

 

“Beca, what happened?”

 

“Is the baby okay?” The cameras flashed in our faces and I am so mad that someone tipped off the paps. We were just in the _emergency room_ less than forty-five minutes ago, and they're out here putting there noses in her business, as paps do, and it's overwhelming and infuriating.

 

“Who's the redhead?”

 

“New love interest, Beca?”

 

“Are you and Priestley over?” I wanted to give all of these photographers a piece of my mind, but I can't do that without giving Beca a bad image so I say nothing. I looked to my right and Beca was no longer there, she sped walked as fast as she could out of the cloud of paparazzi, all the cameras slowly following her, but I couldn't see where she was going. I ran to catch her and I saw her getting into a cab.

 

“Beca!” The car left and paps scatter. I ran to Stacie's car and I got in.

 

“Where's B?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

****

 

I needed some alone time, a good cry, and some strawberry ice cream.

 

So I'm here at the ice cream shop we went to the day I found out I was pregnant, I've been standing in front of the register for a good fifteen even though I already know I want strawberry ice cream, but I just want to feel like I have other choices. Like I'm not bound to one flavor, even though that one flavor I know I'll pick every single time because that flavor believed in me when no other flavor did, and was there after I got arrested not because it was obligated to be there, but because it genuinely wanted to know that I arrived home safely after being detained.

 

But, I think I will always choose Chloe - _I mean_ \- that flavor.

 

I'm now crying while waiting in line in an empty ice cream shop at nine o'clock at night, wearing a hospital gown for a shirt with the bracelet still on my wrist because this is exactly where I want to be in life. Definitely. “The ex-captain of the Barden Bellas, and also the Bellas of life, who had recently gone solo as a new artist for DJ Khaled, seems to be realizing her seven years of effort have been for nothing.”

 

“A total disa-aca-pointment in her eyes, John.”

 

“Had she realized that women are not meant for fame, she could've kept the wasted tears over this spilled milk.”

 

“Oh my God, I can hear you!” I turned around to face those stupid acapella enthusiasts who were probably making some other acapella associated film about the Bellas. “Just like I have for the past seven years you guys!” the blonde woman, Gail I think it is, just stared at me and that other sexist tool just circled around me with the big camera. “Do you just stalk me at this point? Because that's very illegal you know, I could sue you!”

 

“You have to have a good lawyer for that, sweetie-”

 

“John, stop.” I looked at Gail and she started to walk towards me with great caution as if she were approaching a wild animal. John, I guess, listened and dropped the camera. “You're-you’re pregnant.” It was more of a statement than a question and I turned completely towards her and she took a few steps closer.

 

“Yeah… I am.”

 

“Do you mind if I…?” She reached out to my stomach and I slowly nodded, unsure of what difference this made to the two intrusive, unnecessary commentators. She held my stomach in her hand and she smiled at me.

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, my hunch was right. This is yet _another_ d-aca-mentary. I took a minute to explain, off record, to Gail and John how I got to this place in a calm and civil manner. Their questions weren't as intrusive as their personalities are, surprisingly. They're all good and fair questions, they're all within reason. They wanted to know about working for DJ Khaled, and if all my work and struggle was worth the high status I have now. They could probably be actual interviewers if they gave their subjects warning and actually had permission. “Why do you guys follow us around?” I take a spoonful of ice cream to my mouth and watch Gail rub her hands all over my stomach.

 

“We don't follow the Bellas.”

 

“No?” That's ridiculous, of course they do. How else would they explain having photage of all of us? I turned my attention to John, who's thankfully been silently eating his ice cream.

 

“No, we don't, what we do is… more personal.”

 

“Tell her, sweetheart.”

 

“Sweetheart?” They can't just breeze past me with that.

 

“Oh! I'm Gail Abernathy-McKadden-Feinberger- _Smith_ now.”

 

“Oh… congratulations…” it's not really surprising, but still. Who would've thought.

 

“Thank you.” Gail inhaled deeply and broke the contact with my belly. “I had a daughter… her name was Kathy.” Her eyes were slightly sad at the mention of her daughter. I would ask, but I think I already know what happened to her. “She… she was a lot like you. She was creative, and smart, and sarcastic, oh jeez, she was as sarcastic as they come, and talented, oh so talented.” She smiled to herself and then looked at me. “After… after, when I spotted you at the ICCA's your freshman year, I thought so much of Kathy. The hair, the eyes, and the attitude, I couldn't stop looking at you and seeing her.” This came just as a much of a shock to me than the next person. “So, every year at the ICCA's I would watch you and it was like watching her. I cheered for you and I was so proud of you, then when Muffgate happened I thought I wouldn't see you anymore after that, and your little friend mentioned the World Championship of Acapella, so we followed you there, and then to New York, and the USO Tour, I just wanted to see _her_ succeed,” her dedication and need to see her daughter in anyway shape or form is both amazing and heartbreaking. Even more heartbreaking that she saw her in me and I've never given her the time of day. “I've been so proud of you, of Kathy, and now that we're here…” she let herself break down and John was there at her side with his arm around her. I grabbed her hand and squeezed because, like her, I need it too. She sucked in a few breaths and wiped away her tears. “Now that we're here talking to you, I know that you're not Kathy and I know that she's gone, and that I should've listened when she told me let her go.”

 

“You don't have to let her go.” I looked and her, she flashed me a dazzling smile and squeezed my hand back.

 

“And neither do you.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You're co-captain.” Is it really that obvious? “After spending seven years following you, I know what it looks like when you're in love.”

 

“She's my best friend, I'm not-”

 

“John was my best friend too.” She grabbed his hand and smiled at him and then back at me. “And here we are, who's not to say it won't happen for you?”

 

****

 

The last I checked, Beca was on her way home. She ran from the paps at the hospital, I could understand why, she was never one to like being the center of attention. I'm more worried about her condition. I don't know where she's at, or who she's doing it with, or when she's getting here, but I hope it's soon.

 

She said she makes problems, but that's not true.

 

Not even a little.

 

She's always been the one to help me and figure things out with me, she's never caused any problems other than being so painfully stubborn. Getting her to say she's wrong or she needs help is like pulling teeth. It took her a bear trap sweeping her up to admit she was taking her stress out on us for Pete's sake. She's better now though. All the things she said at the hospital broke my heart. I wanted to hold her and hold her until she knew that I didn't care if she came with baggage. I will gladly take her baggage over her absence. I can't imagine life without her, I can't even remember life before her either. She's permanent, she has to be. Why else would she constantly come back to me? Why else would I keep welcoming her?

 

“Hey.” I heard my bedroom door close and then soon after I felt a warm body get under the blankets next to me. On instinct, I turned to face her, I saw a saddened and worried face. “Are you mad at me?” Her voice was no higher than a whisper, she looked at me with wide blue eyes that I easily fell into.

 

“No, come here.” I brought her into me and I felt her tears fall onto my chest. I held her and she shook with each sob until her cries subsided. I kept my arm around her neck and my hand pressed to her stomach, like if I was protecting her. Protecting them.

 

She snaked her arm under my waist and kept her clenched fist held against my chest next to her face. I like to keep her close. Like if she was the only thing I could take with me to a deserted island. I breathed her in and I listened to the way her breathing evened out, I tightened my hold, and I relished in the way she squeezed me back. Being this way comes as naturally as the breaths that come from my lungs. It's so normal, and familiar, and comfortable. It's like two puzzle pieces, we just fit.

 

We always did fit, didn't we?

* * *

 


	17. Chapter 17

* * *

**Twenty-eight weeks pregnant…**

 

“I _have_ to go, you guys.” Emily and Chloe had me pinned from the waist down on the couch.

 

“You're not even supposed to be moving so much, Bec.”

 

“You have to listen to the doctor.” I've had to literally be on bed rest for four weeks, it's the end of my third now and I have to go to the studio.

 

“What's an early week off? I'm fine, I just need to take care of this before we _don't_ get to have a drop party at the end of the week.” They both stopped talking into my stomach and looked at me. “Do you _not_ want to hear my song on the radio?” They looked at each other and then at me with big pouts.

 

“No…” they said simultaneously.

 

“Then I have to go.” They let go of my tummy and stood in front of me. I held my hands is out to them. “Pull.” They grabbed my hands and helped me up, there's nothing that makes you feel bigger that a planet than not being able to pick yourself up off the couch. “I will let you guys know when I get there.” They both sighed as they walked me to the door.

 

“‘Parting is such sweet sorrow.’” Emily said dramatically, putting the back of her hand to her forehead.

 

“'We loved a love that was more than love.’” I faked a cry and expression of despair as I walked out the door and made my way to the elevator.

 

“That's Edgar Allen Poe!”

 

“Same difference!”

 

****

 

“So, what’s the news with her shower?” Emily was perched on the arm of the couch staring at me as I plugged in my old Valentine's day mix.

 

“I was thinking a week after her drop party, on Saturday.” I already had Bree organizing lists and I made a registry for Beca, all of the Bellas have been buying most of it. This girl is getting a baby shower whether she wants one or not.

 

“Are we ready for it?”

 

“Close, but don't worry, I got this.” I know for a fact that everything will be Beca's style because most of everything I put on her registry you can barely tell are for any types of baby things. The diaper bag, I can bet she would've chosen, looks like a normal backpack, and the breast pumps look like fancy speakers.

 

Well, until you attach the other parts to it.

 

There are a few exceptions though, like the bedding for the cribs with a bunch of little sparrows on it. She told me once that sparrows were her grandma Fiona’s favorite animal after she passed away in her junior year. The only reason she would leave campus for the holidays was to go see her. She was absolutely crushed the day she passed. Maybe this could give her a little piece of her grandmother for her girls to have.

 

And everything is pink, not obnoxiously bright pink, it's all light pink.

 

Crawling mats, burp blankets, the boppy, everything screams 'little girl’. I even found a few things with grasshoppers on them and a mobile with music notes instead of airplanes, it sings Fur Elise. If I wasn't only a barista I would buy her everything in the store. I've never been more excited. I felt the both of them move this week. I was kneeling in front of her, I had my chin resting on her knee, and my hands holding the sides of her stomach. She was writing something and occasionally I would catch her staring down at me. When I would, she wouldn't blush or freak out, she'd smile, and then _I_ would blush and look away.

 

……

_“What are you thinking about?” She hummed in response, giving me the confirmation that she was in deep thought._

 

_“What?”_

 

_“I said,” I chuckled softly and moved my thumbs side to side. “What are you thinking about?”_

 

_“Your eyes just get blue-er every time I look.” I was at a loss for words I didn't know what to say to that. “It's distracting, to be honest.” She joked. I laughed, and then I felt a jerk._

 

_“Everything okay?” She looked at me like I was crazy._

 

_“Yeah, why?”_

 

_“You just moved so fast.”_

 

_“That was the girls.” She said each syllable extra slow for me so I could understand. I laughed and smiled again._

 

_“Really?” She nodded and put her hand over mine. “That's so cool.” I felt a hard nudge on my left palm. “She did it again!”_

……

 

Babies are amazing. Feeling them kick is amazing. The person who made these two, specifically, is amazing.

 

But I don't think ‘amazing’ covers all the bases.

 

****

 

**You made plans and I, I made problems. We were sleeping back to back, we know this thing wasn't built to last, and good on paper, picture perfect. Chased the high too far, too fast, picket white fence, but we paint it black. Ooh, and I wished you had hurt me harder than I hurt you. Ooh, and I wish you wouldn't wait for me but you always do.**

 

I can't believe it.

 

**I've been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn't. Somebody's taking care of all of the mess I've made, someone you don't have to change. I've been hoping someone will love you, let me go. Someone will love you, let me go.**

 

Something _I_ sang and _kind of wrote_ is going up on the radio in five days.

 

Oh my God.

 

Since Emily got here, the first thing I did when I drove her to her new apartment was put my notebook on her little end table and asked her for help. She wrote parts and I wrote parts, then all of the sudden Alesso and Florida Georgia Line wanted to work with me on this original. My only question is:

 

How?

 

“This is really good, Beca. I'm impressed.” I smiled at DJ Khaled and the few executives he brought with him. He walked over and touched my stomach. “This is really good too.”

 

“Thanks.” I chuckled and he bent over to talk to them.

 

“Your mom is really somethin’.” He stood straight and tall again and he cleared his throat. “I'll see you at the party, bye you three.” the three executives that came with him made a way for him to get through, and then followed after him in a straight line.

  
I'm not even _famous_ famous yet, and I've already seen the unnatural order of the celebrity world.

 

* * *

 

I am so ready to be back on my feet already, I've been cooped up in that apartment for way to long. I was starting to get a little hostile even. Amy came into my room my second week on bed rest and I was in no mood to deal with people.

 

……

_“Beca, breakfast is ready.” I pulled my head out of the blankets and looked up at her. I let my head fall back down and I covered it again._

 

_“I don't feel like it.” I grumbled into my pillow._

 

_“What was that?”_

 

_“I don't feel like it.” I said louder, keeping my grip on the comforter. She came over and started tickling the foot that was outside of the sheets._

 

_“What's the matter? Are you sick?” I sat up fast and grabbed the tissue box on my nightstand._

 

_“Yeah, I'm sick of this bullshit!” I hurled the box at her, she deflected it with her hand._

 

_"Okay, well I'll make chicken soup."' I continued to pelt her with pillows and the nearby things on my end tables._

…...

 

I apologized later, we had pizza, everything was fine.

 

“Janine, get in my office.” I let go of the button and then I pressed it again to make my command even more menacing. “Now.” I held the book in my hands, my forefinger trapped inside holding my place in the many pages.

 

“Yes…?” She hovered cautiously around my desk, I pulled my earbud out and I tried to stand. It took me too long, so I looked at Janine, my tired expression asking for assistance. I was pulled to a standing position and I waddled to lean in front of my desk, Janine stood tall and composed, though I know that panic was imminent.

 

“He was in love with her the whole time?” I yelled, she jumped and then after catching the complete meaning behind my words she laughed and then nodded.

 

“Yep.” she bobbed her head and wrung her hands out in front of her.

 

“That’s so not even cool, dude! I can't believe that Potter prick was the reason he was so unhappy! And then dies anyway? You just let me read that knowing this was going to happen?”

 

“I did, but now we can watch that movie and throw popcorn at the TV.” Janine sucked me into her nerd world and now I'm totally in a hate-love relationship with these books. They just get you all attached to these characters, and then last book they take em’ all away! It's so sadistic, but so good.

 

“Fine, but you better find a way to make this up to me, J. I am shook, I am shook, I feel unsafe, and you have created a hostile work environment.” she rolled her eyes and she walked out of my office, I couldn't believe she got me reading anything to do with wizards.

 

After reading the first book and watching the movie, she had a sorting hat ceremony for me - by 'ceremony’, I mean BuzzFeed quiz - and I found it slightly offensive that no one was surprised that I got Slytherin. I could've been a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw. I tried to take the test again, but Janine smacked my hand and said:

 

_“The sorting hat has spoken.”_

 

So, apparently there was no out. I asked Janine what her house was and she told me she was a house elf through and through, then when she clocked out for work she stopped by my office to tell me:

 

_“'Dobby is free!’”_

 

I can't even with her sometimes, but I can't lie she's not that bad.

 

* * *

 

“Yes, I am coming home now as we speak.”

 

“Well, hurry up we miss the babies-I mean, you!” I laughed and shook my head as I walked.

 

“I knew you guys just wanted me for my kids.”

 

“Definitely, we just wanted you for your daughters, we're gonna raise em' up to be assassin's, now hurry and get here.” I hung up and I rounded the corner, but then I was ambushed by a black Labrador.

 

“Oh goodness!” It pawed at my tummy and kept circling around me.

 

“I am so sorry! I-” I looked up to the speaker and I felt like like I just about got swatted across the face. “Hey, Becaw!”

 

“Jess-Jesse!”

 

“Beca!” Jesus, it's been… well, since he broke it off with me. Well, since we both decided to break up.

 

Yeah, since then.

 

“Hey… hey! How-how-how are you?”

 

“Hey! I am… so good, I'm sorry about Bender here, he's still practicing his manners.” he managed to get the pup back on the leash and hold him back. He was wearing a grey hoodie with his vintage Jaws t-shirt, and a blue hat that I didn't recognize.

 

“It's fine.”

 

“How are you?” I bent as much as I could to pet him while Jesse adjusted the collar and leash.

 

“Good.” He stood back up and flashed me that school boy grin I used to get. He looks just the same, just with stubble.

 

“Woah!” Is it normal to be used to that reaction?

 

“Oh, yeah, I'm, like, super pregnant too.” He laughed and stared for a second. He wasn't uncomfortable, he wasn't nervous, he was just curious.

 

“So I see,” he said feigning pretend observations. “Excited for the mom life?” He touched my stomach, he didn't ask, he just reached, I felt unusually unawkward.

 

“Oh, yeah, for sure.” I frowned and nodded in a agreement. “Twin girls.”

 

“Oh, wow, hopefully not like The Shining, you know, 'Here’s Johnny!’” we laughed, I held my stomach, feeling the girls kick against my palms. The laughter died and we just stood awkwardly on the street corner. The apartment is not that much further, my feet hurt, I'm hungry, and I told Amy and them I'd be home soon. I don't want to be a jerk and leave first, but I felt weird because we don't even like each other's pictures anymore.

 

“How's Nina?”

 

“Oh, she actually moved to New York, she's a theatre nerd, so…” he gave me a sad smile, and shrug at his statement. His dog was growing impatient, jumping into his side.

 

“Oh, that's too bad, I'm sorry.”

 

“No, it's okay.” He sounded sure, so I smiled. I remember what it was like when we circled cautiously around each other for months, and then cautiously turned into recklessly for five years. Time and time again I'd see his charming smile, usually leaning against his car waiting for me like that one guy waits for that one girl in that one movie he made me watch that one time, Sixteen Candles, I think. He was a good guy, he was one of my best friends. My phone buzzed few times and I didn't bother checking, I already know it's Fat Amy spamming me.

 

“It's nice to see you, but I have to go, Amy is demanding my belly.” he laughed at me and adjusted his hat.

 

“It was nice to see you, Beca, don't be a stranger.” I nodded once and I started home.

 

* * *

 

It was nice to see Jesse. I remember the way he looked at me the way his precious movie characters look at each other. I used to like the way he would take candid pictures of me, they were always better than any other picture I've taken when I was paying attention. He would always tell me I looked so beautiful because I was just being.

 

As I draw near to my door I remember every picture he did take of me I was with Chloe. I opened my door, the first thing I see is her teaching Emily The Sign, standing at her left. It's Chloe that I came home to for years, even with Jesse there, Chloe could fill me with a bat of her eyelashes. I'd come home to her, it'd be us, in every picture, every story, every text message, it was all Chloe. Just when I think I liked something Jesse did, I remember all the things I loved that Chloe didn't even know she was doing because it's Chloe. It always been Chloe, that's why I'm here isn't it? Because she's always been? Because everything is Chloe.

 

****

 

Beca's home.

 

My eyes drift from the chestnut locks that fall down her shoulders, to her stormy grey eyes, her pink lips, and down to her tummy.

 

Beca's home.

 

Anyone like Emily or Aubrey, Amy even, can come home and it will be a nice surprise, but each and every time Beca Mitchell walks into any room, she has me. She has my attention every single second she's staring at me. She looks at me like I've painted her a million Claude Monet paintings, or like I put Starry Night on her ceiling. She invokes this warmth in me every time my eyes meet hers when she comes home, she's always so happy to see me. This warmth just covers me, I feel like I'm burning under her gaze, and it's addicting. That's why I'm here isn't it? Because I can't get enough? Because I can't get enough of Beca.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I used for this chapter was Let Me Go by: Hailee Steinfeld, Alesso, ft. Florida Georgia Line
> 
> Just in case anyone was curious of what it sounds like.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a while since the last update, but writers block sucks. I'll try to get more chapters out sooner, enjoy!

* * *

**Day of the drop party…**

……

_My daughters are totally going to love Harry Potter. I wonder if I could maybe come up with a name from the series. Just not the obvious ones, like Ginny or Hermione or anything like that. Or totally weird like Nymphadora or Minerva, something like Luna, or Lily with two L’s instead of three like other Lilly, or ‘Esther’ I guess._

 

_Yeah…_

 

_Just something cute like that. But I want it to be the best name for both of them, since I have to pick out two first names and middle names. They're so much work and they haven't even been born yet. Just as I finished the thirty-fifth chapter of my book, the door swung open, but it didn't close just yet. I had trouble getting up because of my bump and also because I was just too damn lazy to move from the couch. “Bye, Stacie! I love you so much!” Chloe's home. God, I thought that at some point after getting pregnant I'd completely stop feeling for her, but the hormones make it even worse._

 

_I'm in my own personal version of hell, if I wasn't getting two surely amazing daughters out of this pregnancy I would think I was getting punished for past sins. But I can't think of her now, I barely have time to think of me! These babies are going to be here in a little over two months, I can't think of anything but them. Just the other day, I made an impulse decision to look for another apartment. This one is gonna be too small too soon and our lease is almost up, so I looked for some places close to the studio and Chloe looked like she was about to faint, she thought I was leaving her for good. I thought about it, about leaving her. I was thinking maybe it'd be best for the girls not to see their mother a victim of unrequited love, and Chloe would want her own apartment anyways. She needs her own life, but she assured me that she's always going to be here and that I'll need it more when they get here. I refused her help, but I'm okay with her staying my roommate._

 

_“Hey, Becs!” Chloe shed her coat and stepped out of her shoes. She perched herself on the arm of the couch, leaning a little, her makeup was smeared. “Hi, babies!” She screamed from her end, making me cringe and the babies kick in the process._

 

_“What are you doing over there, Chlo? What happened to proper greetings?” She can never keep her hands off my stomach, and now she was sitting as far away as possible._

 

_“I had a few drinks,” she giggled and hiccuped. “Alcohol is bad for babies, Beca! You should know this!” She was talking to me like if I really didn't know that alcohol was bad for babies. She always gets so funny when she's drunk._

 

_She hasn't been going out too much, between work, yoga, and simply just hanging around with me, Em, and Stacie, she doesn't really have a lot of desire to. She actually prefers being obsessed with me and my two fetuses rather than going out with her co-workers, it's pretty weird, but Stacie finally got her to go out and left me with Bella, but not before she explained to me that I had to experience babies. She was really just trying to make it seem like a good and valuable lesson, but I know it wasn't, it was just free babysitting. I don't mind, Bella's adorable._

 

_I’ve also used the time to get Emily over to do some songwriting now that I'm huge and practically immobile, or Janine and Evermoist to watch another Harry Potter movie with me, or to discuss work stuff._

 

_And by ‘work stuff’, I totally mean goofing off and eating pizza while talking shit about people at work._

 

_“I do know, but that's only if I drink it.” I informed her politely, she smiled and made her way over. She kneeled on the ground and put her chin at the top of my thigh and put her right hand on my belly._

 

_“I missed you.” she murmured quietly, I almost missed what she said._

 

_“They missed you too.” she shook her head and drew lazy circles on the lower side of my stomach._

 

_“I missed you.” She emphasized 'you’ and I got chills. My goosebumps were very noticeable, but she might've be too drunk to care. Or maybe she didn't notice._

 

_“Oh…” that's all I could manage to say after a second. “I missed you too.” it was true, I did. It gets really lonely when no ones here. Usually Emily or Stacie is here, Amy is here now and she's been crashing on the couch acting as our third roommate, or fifth if you count the girls. Someone is always here, but tonight it was just me and my little loves. Chloe pressed her face into my stomach, she lifted my shirt and I felt her warm cheeks against my skin. I'm so self-conscious most of the time because of my stretch marks, but each time I go to an appointment, I see my daughters and how they're growing, so I forget about it._

 

_“You're gonna take her away from me aren't you?” she said into my stomach, her lips pressed against me, muffling her words._

 

_“What are you talking about, sweetie?”_

 

_“The girls,” she said, rubbing circles on my stomach and pressing a long kiss to the skin. “They're gonna take you away, they're gonna take your cuddles, and hugs, they're gonna take you away from me.” I could feeling the tears brimming my eyes as she spoke. “You're gonna love them more than me, and they'll get to love you,” I felt her tears drip onto my exposed thigh and then she looked up at me as I was fighting to keep my composure. “And you're gonna forget about me.” she leaned back on my stomach, I was speechless. I wanted to hold her, but my stomach got in the way, so I settled to pat her head and stroke her hair._

 

_“I'll never forget you.” Her head just fell into my lap and she fell asleep._

……

 

****

 

“No, I look fat in that one!... Not that one either!... Oh my God, I look fat in all of these!” Today's Beca's first debut as a solo artist. I'm happy for her, she's finally here, today is such a great day.

 

And then the stylists showed up.

 

I could hear her wailing from the other room, it's not that she's sensitive, she's pregnant, and that's something none of these people seem to understand. It's not that she has bad self esteem or that she's nervous, she's pregnant and emotional, not to mention hormonal. But no one understands. I walked over to her room where they set up and the door was wide open, there was people picking up clothes off the floor and Beca was sobbing into her hands in the middle of the room with the cat circling her and pawing at her calves. “Can someone please get Cat Amy out of here?” that's when Emily ran in and got the orange tabby we found the other day. Beca said we couldn't keep her, but Amy and Emily refused to let her go, and I also may or may not have fought against it, but the cat was still here and Beca's threat seemed to be proven empty. Emily muttered her apologies, scared to death of the woman, and the stylist was about to approach her with a sequined dress I knew she wouldn't like.

 

“Excuse me?” I called for her before Beca could even lay eyes on it, and she came to me. “Nora, right?” She nodded vigorously and looked over at Beca with a wary expression.

 

“Yes, ma’am that's me.” She kept looking between me and Beca, I could tell she was nervous about never being able to get her dressed.

 

“Has she been like this all day?” we had just gotten back from Stacie's, helping her make the list for Beca's baby shower. Nora nodded again, her knuckles with white with the grip on the hanger in her hands. “I think I'll take her for a little break, you know? Make your job just a _teensy_ bit easier.” Nora sighed loudly and smiled.

 

“Thank you!” She whispered and went back to her side of the room. I walked over to Beca and I immediately wrapped her in a hug.

 

“Let's get out of here?” She nodded against me and sniffled.

 

* * *

 

Now that she's not on bed rest and she's cleared for physical activity, we walked around our part of the city, just enjoying each other's company while she caught her breath. “I swear no one better touch my stomach tonight because I am _not_ public property.”

 

“But why? It's so cute!” I giggled when she rolled her eyes at my statement.

 

“They're supposed to be there for my music, not for my-” she stopped talking and pulled out her phone. “Shit!” I looked at her worried if maybe her water broke too early or if she was hurting.

 

“What, Becs? What's wrong?” I stopped completely and her eyes were wide, and there was a glint in them that assured me nothing was wrong.

 

“We need to get somewhere with a radio, like now!” the coffee house is at least a street over, so I led us to it. Luckily the crosswalk didn't take forever like it usually does, when we got in, she waddled so fast I tried so hard not to laugh remembering that she _is_ pregnant and will definitely not find it funny. “Turn up the radio, hurry!” I ran around her to the back.

 

“Chloe? What are you doing here?” I turned the knob until the radio is all the way up in the shop and I ran back out to Beca to lock the door and flip the sign for a second.

 

**Next up, we've got a new song by the newest on the verge artist, Beca Mitchell! Here's her new hit, Let Me Go featuring Alesso and Florida Georgia Line!**

 

Someone turned down the radio, making both me and Beca frown. We both looked and Nancy stood there, absolutely in shock. “Drew! Oh my God, Beca Mitchell is here!”

 

“Stop playing, Nance.” He called from the back. I just looked at Beca who was still grinning at the fact that her song is currently playing on the radio.

 

“I'm not! Oh my God you're Beca Mitchell!”

 

**You made plans and I, I made problems. We were sleeping back to back, we know this thing wasn't built to last, and good on paper, picture perfect. Chased the high too far, too fast, picket white fence, but we paint it black. Ooh, and I wished you had hurt me harder than I hurt you. Ooh, and I wish you wouldn't wait for me but you always do.**

 

“Beca, this is _your_ song!” I turned around and beamed at her, she nodded and smiled so bright.

 

“Listen.”

 

**Somebody's taking care of all of the mess I've made, someone you don't have to change. I've been hoping someone will love you, let me go. Someone will love you, let me go.**

 

“Hello, hi? Someone want to explain what she's doing here?” She gesticulated her hands and stared at them before tilting her head back to call to their co-worker. “Drew get in here!”

 

“What?”

 

“Shhh!” I shushed him because I was trying to listen to Beca's song.

 

 **It's been some time, but this time ain't even, I can leave it in the past, but you're holding on to what you never had. It's good on paper, picture perfect, chased the high too far, too fast, picket white fence, but we paint it black. Ooh, and I wished you had hurt me harder than I hurt you. Ooh, and I wish you wouldn't wait for me but you always do**.

 

“Beca…” the song is amazing, but I can't help but feel like it's about someone. When it said ‘I wish you would hurt me harder than I hurt you.’ I can only imagine what she's really talking about. Maybe this is her way of getting over Theo.

 

**I've been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn't. Somebody's taking care of all of the mess I've made, someone you don't have to change. I've been hoping someone will love you, let me go**

 

The song ended and Beca was still singing while absentmindedly tapping her fingers on her stomach and slightly dancing in front of the counter. The lights in the cafe are giving her this glow, she's smiling to herself and just looking around, I'm not even paying attention to Nancy and Drew, I just love the way she's just in her own bubble with the girls. She's so beautiful. I love the way her hands are always on her stomach, and the way when I get home she's sitting on the couch with her feet up balancing her laptop on her tummy. Or when she asks me to help her sing to the girls to try and coax them out of her ribcage and stop sitting on her bladder, and the times when I've had a long day she calls me over to feel the girls kick. I love the way she calls them her little loves and how she'll talk to them and tell them stories about the Bellas and her grandma Fi when she thinks no one is looking. I love when she falls asleep when we're watching TV and how beautiful she looks when the cogs in her mind stop turning. I get so filled with adoration and just wonderful bliss, I can't explain what it is I just know that it's so powerful it keeps me wishing I could shrink her and carry her in my pocket. It's addicting. I tuned back in to what was going on and Nancy was chatting it up with Beca. Nancy was offly close and Beca had this smirk on her face that I didn't like very much.

 

“Whatcha guys talkin’ about?” I tried to walk over as calmly as possible even though this whole thing was making me uncomfortable.

 

“Oh, I just noticed that Nancy has a deathly hallows tattoo and I just finished the last Harry Potter book.” She said smoothly, but I'm going crazy if I didn't see a little glint in her eyes when she said her name. I really want to hate Janine for showing her those books.

 

“Oh.” Nancy turned back to Beca, she picked up her wrist and something just about snapped inside of me.

 

“I love your tattoo! Do you have anymore?” She was flirting. She was flirting with Beca, who is _my_ friend, and is also _pregnant_ which should not at all provoke this behavior.

 

“Yeah, I have a few…” she stuck out her tongue while she shrugged off her jean jacket. I don't know why, but I reached out fast and grabbed her arm to show Nancy her tattoos.

 

“She got this grasshopper when she was sixteen,” Beca was looking at me with wide eyes, and Nancy chuckled uncomfortably. “It's kind of like my ladybug tattoo, that was the first me and Beca actually held a conversation outside of our group.” I smiled fondly at her, and I moved my fingers to show the next one. “And then 'Trust your heart if the seas catch fire.’ is part of one of her favorite quotes,” her shirt covers up the lotuses and equalizer bars, but she doesn't need to see those anyway. “The other half is on her hip bone, no one's ever seen it except me when I walked into her shower. It says 'Live by love though the stars walk backwards.'” I'm not even sure what relevance that shower part had in the conversation, but my mouth acted on it's own impulse seeing that Nancy was talking to Beca and flirting with her.

 

Or _Beca_ was flirting with _her._

 

Whatever, it's not like we're together or anything.

 

“Well, that's just great.” Nancy was uncomfortable and I felt accomplished. She could leave now.

 

“Hey, Bec, we actually should get going. I only promised the stylist that we'd take a little break.” She looked so confused with what just happened.

 

“Yeah, okay.” She muttered before walking outside. I moved to follow her when Drew stopped me.

 

“What was that all about?”

 

“What?” I tried to play it off as innocent cluelessness, but he didn't buy it.

 

“You just went all wifey on Nancy when she was talking to Beca, who is a _celebrity_ who _normally_ deals with this type of thing.” He was right, but I couldn't show him that.

 

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” I smiled and trotted away to Beca, who stood on the sidewalk listening to the sound of her song playing in every car and outside of every store, as I wondered how I got so lucky.

 

* * *

 

“No peeking!” I kept my hand clamped over my eyes and waited on the chair in her room.

 

“I'm not! I'm not, now hurry, I wanna see!” She wouldn't let me see what she chose to wear to the drop party, she didn't like the whole getting dolled up by a whole team instead of doing it herself, so she didn't want to look bad. Of course it's impossible for her to look bad, though.

 

“Ta-da!” I opened my eyes and my mouth was suddenly dry and I couldn't speak. She wore a short rose gold dress with sleeves that went up to her elbows, there were small little beads and silver looking designs all over it. Her hair was parted down the middle with light waves tucked behind her ears. Her makeup was so natural and gorgeous, her eyes came out even more than I thought possible, and this is the first occasion that I see Beca Mitchell's nails painted pink, I feel like I should mark the calendar. She paired all of it with silver shoes that were being kicked off for some reason. “You don't like it do you?” I panicked I could see the tears that threatened to spill over and Nora glared at me from the doorway.

 

“No, no, no, that's not true.” I grabbed a tissue and I tilted her chin up to soak up the tears from her eyes before they escaped. Her eyes seemed impossibly blue and her pupils were dilated with what could only be excitement. Nora did an exquisite job on what was already stunning. I study the arch of her eyes brow, and the slope of her nose, and her pink lips. I let my eyes linger too long, I smack my tongue trying to get some moisture, but to no avail. “I lo-” the word is sitting on the very tip of my tongue, but it has more weight than I've ever felt. It feels like trying to recall the name of a song, you know, it's there somewhere in your mouth, but you know it. It's this unrelenting knowledge in your brain that you can't switch off because you know what you're talking about, you know it in the way back if your mind that that is whatever it is you're trying to say. I felt my heart stop when Beca looked at me, she was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't say it. “You look amazing, Beca.” I said in a light whisper, she smiled and I cleared my throat, and stepped away from the gorgeous girl.

 

“Thanks.” She tried to bend over to put her shoes back on, but the girls got in the way and she huffed out a breath and sat on the bed. “Help?” I chuckled and got down on my knees to help her, she shoved my head, and I put on one of her shoes.

 

“It's like Cinderella, Becs.”

 

“Oh, so you're the mice then?” She laughed and I looked at her with a hurt expression.

 

“I can't believe you just called me a rodent.” She laughed again, and I started laughing too, the more I thought about what I almost said, the more I knew that it meant big changes. Really big changes I'm not sure I could handle right now.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote that's used for Beca's tattoo on her upper forearm is by E.E. Cummings:
> 
> "Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, and live by love though the stars walk backwards."
> 
> Just in case anyone was wondering :)


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

This party is _really_ exhausting.

 

“How did you handle writers block? If you had any that is.” The reporter smirked at me and winked, I'm guessing it was supposed to be charming, but he was playing the role too hard.

 

“My writer, Emily, usually had more words to fill the spots I couldn't.” He raised his eyebrows, and there were the biggest magazines interviewers in the room, crowding me, wanting the answer to his same question. “And I guess after handful, after handful of Doritos, and pacing around the apartment logging miles, you get the bright idea you need, but you have to let the inspiration find you.”

 

“Well, we are all glad that inspiration has found you, are you planning on writing any other music? Do you have more songs ready to release?”

 

“Of my own, not quite, I'm still messing with a few lyrics, but with other artists yes. My good friend, Emily, will be releasing some new songs, so keep an eye out for those.” My publicist came up behind me to save me from the snake pit with a squeeze and an impatient and fake smile. “Excuse me.” We walked away, she still had her hand clamped on my bicep, and I brushed it away because I can lead myself wherever.

 

Now where the hell was she taking me?

 

“Thanks, that was the interview that never ends.” I sighed and she lead us through the rooftop back inside to where the lounge area was.

 

“It's a tactic to get more information than other magazines, but only waste time with Entertainment Weekly, People, and Rolling Stone, all else is under.”

 

“Actually, Juliana-”

 

“It's Gianna.”

 

“Right,” I need to find a better publicist. “Gianna, I think I'm gonna pass, you know? I'm gonna talk to whoever I see fit.” I smirked at the way her smile faltered, because the way I see it no one is under anyone in their profession. Whether you're an interviewer or the intern that gets coffee, just because your job isn't as big as other people's it doesn't mean it's less important or not that hard. No one is replaceable. “I'm gonna go and finish those interviews now.” I walked away and left her to whatever it is she does. She won't be working for me by the end of the week, I need someone human, not a robot. That's not how I do things.

 

* * *

 

“So, Beca, along with your pregnancy and working with Evermoist on their first album, how did you find the time to write Let Me Go?” she held her iPhone towards me to record to put it in her article.

 

“Well… that's a good question really, I wasn't expecting this song to really get anywhere, but I guess you can say I've always been good at multitasking and I just found the time whenever I could,” I peeked out of the side of my eye and behind all the interviewers I can feel Chloe's stare on me. “And you know, the lyrics wouldn't even be half as good if my colleague, Emily, didn't help me with them.” The interviews are my least favorite. Too much interaction when I just really want to kick off these uncomfortable shoes and get out of this dress. But I guess it's nice to get recognition for something other than that Bellas, I mean I love telling stories and explaining how to make setlists, but getting acknowledged for original things is nice too.

 

“And what a great talent she is, while we're on the topic of lyrics, everyone is dying to know if the song is referring to Theo Priestley, what are your thoughts on that?” shit. “How did you manage to write such an upbeat, but personal song?”

 

“Well, since the lyrics are personal they're not really open for discussion,” I can feel Chloe wanting to talk to me, so I smile at her and I look back at my interviewer. “If you could just excuse me for a second.” I scrunched my nose and held my finger out she nodded and I walked around her. I picked up a glass of champagne from a servers tray and he gave me a look, I was almost going to chew him out, but I realized it's because I'm pregnant. “Oh, no, it's for my friend.” He nodded and I kept walking towards her and she met me in the middle. “I couldn't help but notice you making eyes at me over there.” She looked a little down, like she was thinking of something pretty heavy. She didn't answer me, she just took the glass from my hand and gave me a shy smile. “Come on, Chloe, what's up?”

 

“Come outside with me?” I simply nodded and let her lead me to the empty part of the roof that looked over the city.

 

“What's up?” After fifteen minutes of silence, that was unusually uncomfortable, I found my voice at the far back of my throat. She sighed and she continued to just look out at all the lights in the city, she looked sad and dejected unlike her usual bubbly self. I don't like it, I don't like this lack of communication, it's not our norm. “Y-you don't have to tell me, it's alright.” nothing.

 

“Do you ever feel like…” I looked up and focused on her profile, she didn't look at me, she just talked to the air in front of her instead of looking at me. The Chloe I know is adamant about eye contact, she won't hold a conversation with you unless she's looking right at you, in your eyes, with your full attention. “There’s so many moments with people and… just one thing can take all of them away?” I tried to hide the way my breath hitched when she said that because the answer is: yes, like all the time. I settled for a nod and then she finally looked into my eyes, hers look conflicted, like she was trying to make a tough decision or something. “You just have this thing sitting on you, and you-you-you-”

 

“Chloe,” I didn't mean to interrupt her, but she was about to explode. “Breathe.” She did just that, but she still seemed distraught and distant, I can't look at her like this, she should never look anything but happy. “What are you trying to say?” she's normally so upfront, she doesn't waste time beating around the bush. She's not closed off like, I know her probably better than I even know myself. She looked like she was choking on the words, like it's painful to say whatever it is she wants to say.

 

“I…” her eyes glassed over, she's almost going to cry, the tears are there and I hate the way they make her look so broken. “I can't…”

 

“You can tell me anything, you know that right?” She nodded fast and blinked away the tears before they spilled over. She glanced back at the city and then to me.

 

“I know, and I will… just… not right now. I still have some things to think about.” I just reached over and squeezed her hand to tell her I understand. “Thanks, Becs.” she smiled at me and this one seemed more like her, and less upset. It wasn't a total change from where she'd been twenty minutes ago. “Should we rejoin? You still have those people from Glamour magazine to talk to right?” It was crazy hearing her say that. It's crazy that I'm at my first drop party as an artist.

 

“I guess…” I sighed dramatically. She shoved my arm and laughed, it kind of assured me that it would be okay.

 

“Don't act like you don't love it.” She's right, it's great. Exhausting, but I am more than thankful to be here today, with my best friends and my daughters, and all these people demanding that I show off my 'talents’. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

* * *

 

“Gianna?” I called her from the small couch by the bar. Stacie, Chloe, and Emily were all standing there, keeping me company, and talking about the party and how many people complimented them on what they were wearing, and how some of the agents wanting to represent me gave their cards to Emily. It was all great and good, it was a very good night. “Damn it…” I mumbled as I tried to get up from the couch, but Chloe rushed over to keep me sitting. “Gianna!” The snobby publicist came rushing in, with the makeup team in tow.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can you bring me my shoes from next to the DJ booth?” She looked like she was too bothered to go get them, which is why she isn't the type of person I want handling my things. “You know what? I'll save you the trouble, and get them myself.” she tried to protest, but I was already moving to get up. It took me a minute, and even longer to waddle over to my shoes to embarrass myself by asking the DJ to pick them up for me, which he was more than willing to do unlike Juliana or Gianna, or whatever. As I approached the couch again, I was back just in time to see a very heated discussion between Chloe, Stacie, and my publicist end. Their faces relaxed and they smiled warmly at me while the other woman practically ran away from them. “What was that?” I asked with caution, not really sure if I want to know.

 

“Oh…” Chloe looked at Stacie's guilty face, Legacy looked as red as a tomato, and was completely averting her eyes. “Just a… gentle reminder, that's all.” Stacie nodded rapidly, deciding Chloe's story was better.

 

“Okay,” Janine came over with a water bottle, I offered to give her the night off, but she declined immediately saying that she doesn't mind doing her job.

 

“You need help putting those on?” I was gonna say I could do it myself, but I know for a fact that I can't so I let her put them on for me. Without a second thought, I opened my mouth to speak.

 

“Do you want to be my publicist?” her eyes grew comically wide and she snapped her head up to look right at me.

 

“Are you kidding me?” I shook my head, grinning like an idiot because I've never seen anyone get so excited about having a corporate job before. “Yes! Yes! Oh my God, this is wonderful!” I just laughed and I silently asked for her hands to pull me up from the couch now that I had my shoes on.

 

“But no business tonight, just know you're golden for that job.” I sauntered over to the bar where I left my clutch and phone, I listened to Evermoist talk to some of the agents, and I grinned because I felt like I've done good. I turned to Chloe, and the girls, I was about to join in their conversation, but then the music stopped and there was feedback coming from the mic. I turned quickly, and I faced the doors out to the rest of the party, and I walked over there. There were no sounds except the dull murmur of the guest and ominous sounds of my shoes against the floor. I got out to the source of the problem and I immediately saw an all too familiar black suit with a brown crop of hair standing in front of the booth.

 

“Hello, everyone, as I am sure you know I am a colleague of Beca's,” that voice was forcing me to keep the fake smile plastered on my face, I couldn’t afford to scowl with all the photographers and reporters here right now. “I just wanted to say a few words,” I used my Brooklyn cab whistle and got the DJ to cut the mic as I made my way over. The guests crowded me, along with every single reporter, if this comes out instead of the articles for Let Me Go there _will_ be hell to pay, my team and I worked our asses off, and if this stupid little stunt takes away from that he won't have a job with me anymore.

 

“What are you doing here?” I stood directly in front of him, he was wearing literally the same suit he wears all the time, and I'm not sure why it makes me hate him more, but it does.

 

“You think I'd miss your first debut as an artist?” He stepped closer to me and reached out for me, but I moved back, further away from him. “I know I owe you an explanation-”

 

“You don't owe me anything, Theo, and I'd like for you to leave.” Our conversation is only loud enough for us to hear, but I could feel everyone behind me thrumming with curiosity.

 

“Beca, I know that disappearing was a bit of a dick move, but I want to do the right thing.” I felt my eyes burning with either tears or rage, but I think it may have been both. He dug into his pocket like how he did with watch that day on the plane, but instead he pulled out a little black velvet box and started to get down.

 

“Theo…” my voice cracked, and the tears began to flow and blur my vision. “What are you doing?” I whispered, not trusting the volume of my voice at the moment.

 

“When I went back overseas, I paid a visit to my mum, and I asked her what to do,” he moved to open the box as he spoke. “She told me to do the right thing.” I shook my head and slowly started stepping away from him, I heard the crowd gasping and shifting as I migrated to the opposite side. “Beca Mitchell, marry-” I turned around and walked the other way as fast as I could. I almost couldn't see, but I still made it back to the bar. I heard a loud gasp from the girls, and saw Chloe's pained face as she looked at me with nothing but worry. My tears have ruined my makeup, and Chloe was about to ask me what was wrong when the answer to that same question ran through the door before she could ask.

 

“Beca-”

 

“Agnus, Taylor, we're leaving.” I called for my new bodyguards, that were hired after getting ambushed by the paps after a doctor's appointment with my OB. Both men stood in front of Theo and the girls while I made my way to the elevator.

 

“Beca, wait!” I got in and waited for Agnus and Taylor to get in and stand before me, I saw Chloe first, but she was blocked by Theo, who was just late enough to miss the elevator. I kept my composure and put on my sunglasses even though it's dark and I'll look like a huge douche. When we got to the parking garage, they let me by first, but I heard the elevator on the other side arrive as well, so I hustled with Agnus trailing behind me and Taylor guarding me from the front. Taylor pulled out the keys to my loaner car and I stopped him from unlocking it.

 

“Beca!” I heard whoever it was that had the balls to follow me right now, getting closer and I looked to Taylor with the most serious and scary face I could make.

 

“Taylor, I would like the keys please.” He didn't argue, he gave me what I asked for, and they both waited until I was safe inside the Benz and pulled away to leave my parking spot. I passed by the girls and Theo on my way out, Theo chased after the car, followed by a barefooted Chloe, as far as he could but stopped while Chloe kept going, but eventually was out of my sight as I left the building.

 

* * *

 

“I need the first plane ticket out of LA.” I told the woman behind the desk.

 

“And what destination?” Her fingers kept typing away as she looked at me, probably wondering why I've only brought my clutch and my makeup is a mess. I thought of her question for only a second before my mouth impulsively answered before I could give any thought.

 

“Georgia.”

* * *

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short.

* * *

“What. Did. You. Do?” I asked turtle man as soon as I couldn't see Beca's car anymore. My eyes were closed, trying to keep calm in the situation even though I'm panicking because my pregnant best friend just left her own party because her baby's father showed up unannounced right as I decided I was going to tell her.

 

“What?” he asked dumbly behind me. I turned around fast, my hands were trembling and my head ached with this burning anger toward the man.

 

“What did you do, Theo?” I yelled, hearing the echoes bounce off the walls in the parking garage. He jumped at the volume of my voice, and behind him I saw Stacie and Emily cautiously walk up.

 

“I…” it's no surprise he can't even explain whatever scheme he had going on. “I was just trying to do the right thing…” his voice had been small and defeated, he let his shoulders slump and leaned against the nearest wall to get out of the way of the cars that may come through.

 

“What was 'the right thing’, Theo? What were you possibly trying to do?” I chuckled bitterly and stood across from him, glaring at his turtle face.

 

“My mum gave me her ring when I was out there,” he lifted a black box and my stomach dropped immediately. “I asked her what to do and she said to 'do the right thing’ so I asked Beca to marry me.” I closed my eyes, scared that I might openly sob in front of the enemy.

 

“And what did she say?” I need to know what she feels about it.

 

“Nothing.” He puffed out a laugh and stood up straight. “She ran, she didn't even let me finish, I was just doing the right thing.”

 

“Well, that was a bust wasn't it?” I bit back. I don't care if I'm being harsh and rude, I don't care if maybe Beca did want to marry him, he is nothing but wasted tears.

 

“I made an effort, okay?” He yelled and I stepped closer into his space, dismissing the hands of Emily and Stacie, and the honking horn of Amy's limousine.

 

“‘Made an effort’? Your effort is pointless, Theo! Did you know that?” He had his back pressed flush against the wall and I was at least an inch away from him. “It's pointless! Did you think she'd say yes after disappearing for seven months, and then showing up at her first drop party to ask her to marry you because 'it’s the right thing to do’?” I felt Stacie standing behind me, wanting to touch my shoulder, but the tremors in my muscles were too strong for her not to notice. “You don't ask someone to marry you because 'it’s the right thing to do’! Do you even love her?”

 

“Chloe, that's enough.”

 

“No, I want to know.” I really don't, but if he's going to ask her to give him something I can't have and won't ever get to, I need to know. This isn't just her I'm thinking of, but the girls. Her job. Her family.

 

Me.

 

“Do you love her Theo?” he said nothing. That should be a sign that should be my answer, but Amy stepped in.

 

“Not to interrupt your little squabble, but I can help you find Shawshank.”

 

* * *

 

“Remind me why you have this?”

 

“Remind _me_ why you're here?” I asked bitterly as we all sat in Amy's limousine. He rolled his eyes at me and I scowled at him before turning back to Amy.

 

“Let's just say I trust gas station sushi more than Fergus.”

 

“You love gas station sushi.” She opened her mouth to talk and then she frowned in deep thought, thinking of her love for gas station sushi. She kept typing in things, but when she finally finished she screamed.

 

“Hazah!” I moved faster than Theo to go look at what she had and I was met with a screen I was pretty sure had nothing to tell us. “We've… uh-we've… got… we've not nothing, sorry, she turned her phone off I can't see her location.” Great. I sighed and sat back on the seat and picked up my phone. There are pictures and videos already up of Beca running away from Theo while he was down on one knee asking Beca to marry him. There's only a handful of posts actually about her music and not her social life, and it's all less mainstream media. So there's that. I texted her.

 

_Chloe (to Beca) 10:41 PM: Beca where are you????_

 

The limousine stopped and all of us got out to get inside the apartment. As we approached the door to the building, I noticed that Theo had been following. “What are you doing?”

 

“G-going up? Maybe she's there…?” There is no way turtle man in setting foot in our apartment. He can go back to whatever hole he came out of for another seven months and stay there.

 

“I’d like for you to leave.” He was about to object when I saw Agnus and Taylor walking up, but no Beca. They stood behind him, towering his height, and looking down on him as to tell him he needs to leave before they make him. He just walked across the street and wandered off to I don't care where. When we all got up, my first instinct is to feed Cat Amy, but I let Emily do that, and I head straight for my room.

 

I should've told her, maybe Theo's literally indecent proposal wouldn't have mattered to her so much or affected her. Maybe she would've been so distracted or swept off her feet that she would've simply ordered Agnus and Taylor to escort him out. I want to kick myself. I opened my phone and checked to see if she answered back and I just didn't hear it, but still nothing. I scrolled around, and I'd been on the home screen when I saw my bank app.

 

“Oh shit!” I opened it and remembered that she'd asked me if she could login on my phone because her phone was dead last week. Wherever she went, I know there has to be food and somewhere to sit because she's exhausted, so I cross my fingers and hope that maybe the list of transactions will tell me where she's ran off to. I read to myself and it showed a two hundred dollar purchase at LAX. I know where she is. I ran out to the group. “I know where she is!” when the girls were finally in sight, I saw someone book it to the door, leaving it swinging open. “Who was that?”

 

“Theo…” Stacie said carefully. “He knows where she is too.”

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for taking me, Janine, I appreciate it.” I told her as we walked through LAX to the gates, I bought my ticket to Georgia, and I've been through security, I just have to get to where she is. I have to get to her.

 

“No problem, see the two of you soon be safe.” She left and I waited to board the plane when I saw Theo sitting off to the side, I dropped our duffle bag as soon as his eyes meet mine.

 

“You've gotta be freaking kidding me.” he walked halfway to where I was, keeping three feet between us. I bet he could feel my hate spewing out at him. “What are you doing here?”

 

“What are _you_ doing here?” He asked bitterly. “This has nothing to do with you.”

 

“It has nothing to do with you either.” I said through gritted teeth. The fact was Beca ran away from him for a reason, and that was she wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

 

“What's it to you anyway?”

 

“It's everything to me.” I have to tell her. He scoffed and walked back to his seat, when the woman announced that our plane was boarding. When the stewardess took my ticket she directed me to my seat and I literally almost burst a blood vessel. “Excuse me, miss?”

 

“How can I help you, sugar?” She turned her attention back to me and let another stewardess take people's tickets.

 

“I can't sit next to him.” She looked already fed up with the long spiel of an explanation I had as to why I can't sit in my provided seat for only four hours.

 

“I'm sorry, but all other seats are full you'll just have to tough it out for the flight.” I sighed and smiled kindly at the woman before going to my seat. He opened his mouth to talk, but I put my forefinger up and glared at him.

 

“Don't.”

 

* * *

 

I hate him.

 

This seating arrangement for this flight must've been orchestrated by someone who has it out for me. I bet it was my geometry teacher Mr. Shrudder, that guy always hated me. Or maybe this was some sort of plot to get us to get along, but if that's the case the mission is failing horribly because every minute I'm finding more and more reasons why I hate him. He's ranting about how _'different’_ economy is opposed to first class and how if he knew ahead of time he would've used Khaled's jet to get there. This man has multiple silver spoons hanging out of his mouth, he acts like a snobby privileged child. “I'm going to explain to her-”

 

“Wait!” I said stopping him in his tracks and while he sat in silence I put my earbuds in and ignored his eye rolling and focused on the lyrics.

 

**You made plans and I, I made problems. We were sleeping back to back, we know this thing wasn't built to last, and good on paper, picture perfect. Chased the high too far, too fast, picket white fence, but we paint it black. Ooh, and I wished you had hurt me harder than I hurt you. Ooh, and I wish you wouldn't wait for me but you always do.**

 

As I sat there listening to Beca sing about the man who inspired this happy sad song, I feel like I could just cry because maybe she did love him. Maybe she loved him and maybe he's coming back to put her back together in a way that I can't. It's not too late and there's no such thing as bad timing, but I feel like I'm robbing her of having a chance at a family, like I'm robbing her of the love she deserves because maybe just maybe this isn't everything to me and maybe it's everything to them like I’m just someone watching from the outside again. I close my eyes and I think it's better that I just sleep than stay awake knowing that the possible love of her life is sitting next to me. I hope that when I wake up, I can tell her the real reason I chased her across the country.

* * *

 


	21. Chapter 21

* * *

God, I'm a mess.

 

What's it gonna be like when I actually have to do this whole mom thing? I'm probably gonna be that mom that swears, and whose kids are late _everywhere_ , the type of mom who _never_ goes to the PTA meetings and brings something like store bought doughnuts to bake sale. We'll probably order pizza instead of me making casserole or something, and I'll probably have to have my assistant pick them up or one of their aunts to bring them to me at work, and family dinner is more than likely gonna be in the living room rather than being around a dining room table. To me that's no life for a kid, I grew up that way, and I turned out slightly below okay, but that doesn't mean I want that for my kids.

 

They don't deserve the mess of a mother I am. They would probably be better off without me, and maybe they'll grow up to be something successful like a lawyer or doctor, maybe they might even pick up a few genes from me and become a household name way faster than I did. All I know is that they're gonna be better than me, but not because of me.

 

I brought my hand up to the door and loudly knocked four times. It's warm and I could hear the crickets chirping and the cicadas singing, it all was so peaceful until I started knocking, then everything just stopped. I knocked again, but this time the light came on and I could hear someone coming down the stairs. The bolts unlocked and my father stood there with a tired and warry expression. “Beca? Beca, what are you doing here? What's wro-”

 

“I'm really sorry, I don't mean to inconvenience you and Sheila, and I know it's like two in the morning, but everything is really messed up right now and I didn't know where else to go, so I came here, please don't be mad at me.” I started sobbing and he pulled me into the house and enveloped me a tight hug.

 

“It's okay, it's okay.” I cried into his t-shirt, probably getting my makeup everywhere. He just held me tight, it reminded me of  the time before he had left, he used to do this when I'd scrape my knee after falling off my bike. I heard Sheila come down the stairs.

 

“Honey, who's at the door?” he had his chin resting on the top of my head, he moved to face Sheila and answer her question.

 

“It's just Beca.” I cried harder into him and let it all out, I don't understand how I could possibly retain so much water, but apparently I can.

 

* * *

 

“He just showed up, dad, and I didn't know what to do. He just came and started saying all these things, and he asked me…” I inhaled sharply, my lips quivered with every tear that rolled down my cheek, I kept my eyes trained on my shaking hands. Sheila was rubbing my shoulders and my dad sat next to me, his undivided attention was on me. “He asked me…” I started hyperventilating again, the tears continued to flow, and I felt like there was fire burning in my lungs I couldn't talk about it without feeling so sick about it and feeling like I couldn't breathe at the thought of it.

 

“He asked you to what, sweetheart?” Sheila gave my shoulders a reassuring squeeze, coaxing me out of my panic. I reached up and squeezed her hand like it was my only lifeline, I'm glad I can say we set aside our past disputes and disagreements so that she could be here right now when my mom couldn't. I breathed out slowly, letting my heartbeat still. As my panic subsideded, I thought about what Theo kept saying about doing 'the right thing’ and I desperately wondered what he meant by that.

 

“He…” my voice cracked and I inhaled one more time and cleared my throat. “He asked me to marry him.” Sheila's gasped and immediately took the chair to my right to make eye contact with me, and my dad stayed in silence in his chair to my left.

 

“What did you say?” My dad, who constantly wears his emotions on his sleeve whether it's disappointment or fulfillment, had an unreadable expression riddled across his face

 

“I just… ran, I couldn't even let him finish the question, I just…” I trailed off and a new set of tears we're falling down my cheeks. “I didn't want to be there, I just wanted to disappear, he-he kept saying he wanted to 'do the right thing’ and I left.”

 

“Oh, honey.” Sheila was the first to hug me, my dad seemed furious, but he wrapped us both in his arms and I cried a little harder. “It's gonna be okay.”

 

* * *

 

I went upstairs to get some shut eye, and I plugged in my phone. When the screen came to life, I saw all the notifications I missed since before my flight. Twenty-three missed calls and two voicemails.

 

**Beca, listen, I know-**

 

I stopped listening and deleted his voicemail. I didn't have to listen to shit. I started playing the second voicemail and I can't deny that my heart throbbed at the sound of Chloe's voice.

 

 **Beca, where are you? Everyone's looking for you, I'm so worried,** **_we_ ** **are so worried about you guys. Come home, please, call me back when you get this.**

 

I felt like I could cry after hearing how upset she was, and the keyword is 'almost’ because I've done so much crying I need a whole case of water bottles to replenish. I laid down and opened my messages and read each one.

 

_Chloe*heart emoji* (to Beca) 10:41 PM: Beca where are you????_

 

_Chloe*heart emoji* (to Beca) 11:17 PM: Becs you're scaring me please come home_

 

_Chloe*heart emoji* (to Beca) 11:30 PM: where are you?!?!?! Are you safe?!???? Please call me!!!!_

 

_Chloe*heart emoji* (to Beca) 11:45 PM: Please be okay *heart emoji*_

 

I left mine and Chloe's thread, I saw a few texts from Stacie, Emily, Amy, Janine, Theo, and Gianna, but the one that stuck out the most is the one from Aubrey. I opened our thread and it's so weird that she carried on her spidey senses into real life, because this message seemed on point with timing.

 

_Aubs*blonde girl emoji, cop car emoji, heart emoji* (to Beca) 10:11 PM: hey Beca everything ok??? Saw the video call me *heart emoji*_

 

I'll have to look for whatever video it is she saw of me tomorrow, I'm too drained to do it tonight. I'm so tired. I started typing, constantly deleting and retyping my reply until I settled for:

 

_Beca (to Aubs) 4:07 AM: not really I'm in Georgia meet at my dad's?_

 

I waited for a response, completely dozing off and falling into a deep sleep when my phone chimed.

 

_Aubs*blonde girl emoji, cop car emoji, heart emoji* (to Beca) 4:32 AM: oh shoot be there at eight hang tight *heart emoji*_

 

And with that final message, I fell asleep. All else could wait until tomorrow, but for now me and my daughters are going to sleep.

 

* * *

 

I jolted awake with a sharp pain in my stomach. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I sat up, panting and sweaty. It hurt, it felt like a long and lingering stab to lower part of my stomach. I glanced over at the clock, it was six in the morning. I felt another stab and I couldn't help but scream out in pain. “Dad!” I waited through the immense amount of pain and I clenched my eyes shut, my teeth grinded, and I fisted the sheets, I whimpered and whined, te pain created a thick coat of sweat down my back. “Dad!” I heard the fast footsteps in the direction of my room and my door swung open.

 

“What's wrong?” His face was anxious and scared.

 

“It hurts, dad, it hurts.” I could barely whine out the words.

 

“Sheila!”

 

* * *

 

“What you experienced this morning could've been cervix pain or Braxton Hicks, which are both very common this late in pregnancies.”

 

“What the hell are Braxton Hicks?” I looked at him with tired and wet eyes, I thought that today might've been the day that I lost…

 

No, I can't think that way.

 

“False contractions, it's as if your body is preparing you for the real contractions when the day comes.” He took off his glasses and handed his clipboard to the nurse who suitly exited after. “Of course the real ones are a bit more tricky, these are nothing to worry about. You're okay to leave, there's no concerns for yours or the babies’ safety.”

 

“Thank you, doctor.” He nodded and he walked away. Dad had to leave for work, Sheila left after dropping us both off at the hospital, and it was just me until a familiar blonde flung open the door.

 

“Beca!” Aubrey rushed into my room and brought me into a hug, her right arm wrapped around my neck, and her left hand kept my head clamped to her chest. I've never been closer to this woman in my life, but for some reason the closeness of it all makes me cry again after this morning's scare. “Are you okay? Are the babies okay? I went by your dad's and his wife told me you were here, what happened?” I sniffled and she let me go and sat on my bed.

 

“It's normal, like Braxton Hicks or whatever, cervix pain, one of the two.” I wiped my eyes and blinked away my fresh tears. “We're okay.” Aubrey exhaled and she gently smiled.

 

“That's great, I'm glad everything's fine.” I could see her hand hesitating to close the space between her and my stomach, her fingers twitch and her palm switch positions on the bed sheets. I locked eyes with her and smiled my best smile at seven in the morning after crying my eyes out for thirty minutes waiting to hear terrible news.

 

“Y-you can touch if you want to.” she beamed at me and cleared her throat.

 

“O-okay,” she placed her hand at the top and we sat in silence for a second. “Wow…” she wasn't being awkward, she was in genuine awe of the things my body was doing to grow two humans inside of me.

 

“I know…” I said breathlessly. My voice caused one of my daughters to kick against my stomach and the other one shifted. Aubrey's eyes went wide and she let out a small yelp.

 

“My goodness.” she giggled, and her laughter seemed to be egging them on, which was a little inconvenient for me because I had to pee, but since I haven't seen Aubrey in a while I can handle it. “That's amazing.” I hummed in agreement. It is pretty amazing that I could hold something so wonderful, like I have something more to offer the world. ‘The future is literally inside of me.’ in the words of Chloe and Fat Amy. “Are you okay, Beca?”

 

“Yeah, I told you what the doctor said remem-”

 

“No, Beca,” she interrupted with a soft, yet still stern voice. “Are _you_ okay?” I knew what she meant and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. I wish someone could just tell me if I'm okay or not, and that be that. It doesn't work that way though, I still feel _everything._

 

“I…” I exhaled and I was crying again. “No, I'm not, Aubs.”

 

****

 

“It’s time to wake up, pumpkin.” My mother's voice pulled me out of my dreams as she combed my hair out of my face with her long, painted fingernails. “Good morning, sleepy head.”

 

“Morning, Mama.” I murmured with heavy sleep laced in my voice. I yawned and stretched before opening my eyes again to see the cold light of the sun peeking through my bedroom window. “What time is it?”

 

“Twelve o'clock, you came in late last night.” I sat up in my bed immediately.

 

I need to get to Beca.

 

“Mama, why didn't you wake me?” I scrambled to my feet, and I started pulling clothes out of our duffle bag, and got dressed.

 

“We wanted to let you sleep, dear, you and your friend looked very tired.” I dropped my toothbrush back in the sink and faced my mother.

 

“My friend?” I yelled and I ran out to the den to see turtle man had been occupying our fold out bed. “He is _not_ my friend!” I yelled and groaned, giving my mom a small throwback to when I was in high school. “Where is he?” I went back to the bathroom to continue getting ready, I pulled Beca's hoodie over my head and walked back into my room to pick up our bag.

 

“He's in the kitchen having lunch with your father.” she said coolly, ignoring my mild outburst.

 

“Oh my God, just…” I inhaled and exhaled slowly. “Shit.”

 

“Chloe Beale!”

 

“Sorry, Mama, but I have to go.”

 

* * *

 

“Quit following me, you psycho.” I hissed at Theo, who followed me out to the edge of my driveway where I waited for my cab to get here. I may or may not have told Daddy that he abandoned his family and nearly gotten him beat to a bloody pulp. Turtle man would've gotten what was coming to him if Mama didn't step in like she did.

 

“I'm not following you!” He said in an unbelieving tone. I gave him a questioning look and he sighed. “Okay… I might be, b-but only for Beca, you seem to be the only one who knows where she is here.” I laughed at him and adjusted the strap on our duffle bag.

 

“And you think I'm gonna tell you?” not a chance. My cab got there and he waited in the same place he stood instead of following. Another car pulled up, a much nicer one. A black BMW, obviously he requested it since his chauffeur was back in LA.

 

“No, you're gonna show me.” he got in and my driver cleared his throat to get my attention and then I grudgingly got into my ride.

 

“Clever motherfu-”

 

****

 

“Wow, Beca, that's awful.” Aubrey said while shaking her head and bringing her tea up to her lips. “And at _your_ party too, so selfish! I can't believe we ever thought you two might actually hit it off.” She scoffed, the doorbell rang, but Sheila was already on it, and it was already long forgotten. I couldn't believe it either when it was happening, but the guy grew on me, just not in the way that he should've after sleeping together. That's one of the main reasons I can't stand him right now. I'd opened up, just even the tiniest bit, but then as soon as I was honest about something I could've kept secret until he inevitably found out he was gone just like so many people in my life. “I swear, if I ever see him again I'm gonna-”

 

“Oh!” I heard Sheila say as she opened the front door. We both faced the living room from the dining room.

 

“Beca!” Speak of the devil, it was Theo, but following him was Chloe. She shoved him aside and moved in front of me. “Beca, I'm so sorry-”

 

“Beca, I’ve been worried sick you haven't-”

 

“I can promise you I won't ever-”

 

“We really need to talk, it's really important and-” my head kept turning back and forth between the both of them, trying to hear everyone, I felt a headache coming on and my chest rose up and down faster with each breath, this entire situation was overwhelming all of my senses, I got up and I walked to my room up the stairs.

 

“Beca, wait I-”

 

****

 

“That is enough!” Aubrey yelled. I'm not entirely surprised to see her here, but at the same time what was she doing in Dr. Mitchell's house? “What is _wrong_ with you two?” I looked at her with an offended expression after she associated me with Theo.

 

 _“'Us two’?_ I didn't do anything, he was the one that-”

 

“Shut it, Chloe!” I stopped talking and was so shocked by this drill sergeant Aubrey Posen behavior. “That woman has just been through hell and back in under forty-eight hours! You both just came in and fired questions at her left and right like the goddamn paparazzi! Shame on you, you should know better than to hound an emotional pregnant woman!” She gave us both a very hard and sharp glare before turning to the staircase to Beca's room and slamming the door closed.

 

“Great.” I said and closed my eyes in exasperation. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally, and I've had Theo trailing me all day and now of all times it turns out worse than it would've if it we're just me. I walked over through the living room to see Beca's step mothers frown soften as her eyes landed on me.

 

“Something to drink?”

 

“Yes, please.” she put mail on the dish for Dr. Mitchell and she squeezed my shoulder as she passed me.

 

“It's good to see you.” I nodded and gave a kind smile as I sat down on the couch, and Theo sat in Dr. Mitchell's arm chair which would not sit well with him once he got home.

 

****

 

“I'm sorry I flipped, you know? It was just so… so…” I waved my hand in circles trying to find the words.

 

“Overwhelming?”

 

“Yes, extremely.” I breathed out, feeling totally drained from today. I yawned and Aubrey squeezed my hand.

 

“Take a nap, I'll handle this, okay?” I couldn't argue, I just nodded and closed my eyes and listened to the sound of my door close.

 

****

 

“Beca is upstairs sleeping, she's had a _very_ rough morning, and I still don't understand why _you_ are here.” Aubrey descended the stairs and glared in Theo's direction. _“You_ should leave before I-”

 

"I swear, if I have to go to _another_ meeting this week, I'm gonna-” Dr. Mitchell stopped talking and finished taking off his coat and hanging next to his bag. “Chloe, Aubrey, what a surprise to see you, how are you girls?” We both smiled at him, Theo hadn't came into his line of view yet.

 

“We're good, Dr. Mitchell.” he came to give us both a side hug, and then he saw Theo sitting in his chair.

 

“Hi, I don't think we've met before, I'm Dr. Mitchell, Beca's father.” I watched Theo saunter up to him and shake his hand.

 

“I'm Theo Priestley, I-”

 

“I know who you are.” Dr. Mitchell's face immediately went from friendly to hard and unwelcoming. “I know exactly who you are and what you did. You think you can just get my daughter pregnant, disappear, and then ask her to marry you? If you really knew Beca you would know she's not one of your stupid California girls!” I've never seen Dr. Mitchell raise his voice at anyone. Sheila came in and flanked him with the same stern face, Aubrey and I stood behind. Their glares never wavered.

 

“You’re a selfish, privileged, silver spoon sucking child who doesn't deserve to even associate himself with my daughter. If you want to keep that arrogant mug on your face, you’d better leave before I beat it off.” his tone was filled with disdain and anger. He dealt with Theo in a calm, yet menacing manner.

 

His jaw clenched and Sheila had a solid grip on his hand. Theo just cleared his throat and showed himself out. I wanted to scream 'victory', but that would've been a little petty, and I don't do petty as well as I can do sweet. “I am sorry you girls had to see that, I just can't deal with… well you know, she's my daughter.” He smiled empathetically and Aubrey and I nodded in a agreement.

 

“I had the same idea, Mr. Mitchell.” Aubrey laughed and I glanced up the stairs and wondered if Beca's asleep or if she's hiding from me. I prefer the first scenario. I still have to tell her.

 

Soon.

* * *

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter...
> 
> Might rewrite if it's lame or whatever.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

**The next day…**

 

“Isn't there anything we could do, Janine?” I straightened out my shirt and walked up to Beca's room. “It's everywhere, people aren't even paying attention to my song or interviews, it's all about _that fucking guy.”_ I could hear the venom in her voice, but I knocked anyway. “Hold on.” she opened the door and gestured for me to come in. She didn't look like she got very much sleep at all. Judging by her dishevelled appearance and tousled hair, I could tell she'd been tossing and turning through most of the night.

 

“Yes, yes, Janine, I trust you as my new publicist… okay, well I'm not sure how long I'll be, but I'll see you when I see you… okay, gotta go.” she finally hung up and sighed heavily, with her hands on the desk as she looked out the window. “Chloe, hey, hi…” my heart fluttered when my name fell from her lips. It hadn't sounded half as heavy as every other word did, it sounded like if it were meant to be said by her and only her for the rest of forever.

 

I may be a hopeless romantic, but I could swear on a stack of bibles that that is what I truly feel and believe.

 

“Hey…” I realized that I had no idea of how I would tell her. I only planned up to the point where I found her, which was a bust anyway, but what's even worse is that I had no idea what to say. “M-missed you at the party.” She chuckled and I felt like I could smile just a tiny bit.

 

“So did the press.” She turned around to face me, her eyes were red rimmed, probably from crying, and there was a ghost of a smile on her lips that was replaced by stress and worry. She sat on the bed and closed her eyes, I took that as my cue to take my place next to her. My pinky finger brushed hers and my skin was burning from the minimal contact, which had only confirmed that I needed to say what I felt. I stayed looking at her hands a while longer.

 

I've always been fascinated with them.

 

They do so many things. They write out my 'Knock Knock’ jokes, her penmanship is impeccable. Each cursive letter is written with elegance and grace, it's truly beautiful. I still write like I used to in high school, but I've tried to stop dotting my I’s with hearts since I'm supposed to be a professional adult now, but I still do it for the girls. Her fingers also produce really good music, I'm known to be what the Bellas call a 'music snob’, and I know good music when I hear it, and the main source is always from Beca. They also type out funny text messages when I'm on my lunch break or vice versa. Sometimes they make lazy patterns on my chest while she's asleep when she uses me as a body pillow when she can't get comfortable at night. They tickle me when I tease her and they rhythmically tap on any surface when she nervous. I've really developed quite the fixation on her hands, I always play with her fingers whenever they're in reach, or I trace the lines in her palms, and smooth my thumb over every knuckle. But for some odd reason, I couldn't find it in me to move my hand closer to hers and touch her. Just to feel her hand in mine, just because I like the way it fits. “Where's Theo?” She muttered, my gaze was still fixed on her hand.

 

“I don't know…” I don't care where he is, I just need this moment, whenever it comes. I need it. “Gone, I guess…”

 

“Good.” I looked at her, her eyes never seemed to open, and I wondered what it might be that she's visualizing behind her eyelids. I stared longer, even though I shouldn't, but every time I look at her I wonder how it would feel if she were to take everything I have and break it. It would be devastating, the damage would be awful, and there would be barely anyone to fit the pieces back together.

 

But that would be okay.

 

I'm not sure why I am not afraid of that possibility, but I can't find it in me to be scared. So I just looked at her. “I can feel you staring.” I straightened my back quickly, and looked away, but then I glanced back to realize she never actually opened her eyes. “Snap a picture while you're at it.” There was no bite to her words, I knew she was joking, but her voice is missing the sarcasm and humor it always has, it's so tired and quiet.

 

“H-how did you-”

 

“Mother's intuition.” she sighed lightly and opened her eyes. When I was met with denim blue, I could see that her stare wasn't hard or exasperated, it was soft and so very tired. I started to laugh and she grinned at me with the mischief that her voice lacked. “What? It's true we know everything.” I like that she enjoys being a mother already. She doesn't wish that it never happened and that is something that isn't very common these days. She doesn't see mistakes, she sees love and home.

 

And when I meet both of these girls, I'll get to thank them properly for keeping her grounded.

 

She closed her eyes again, and I looked back down at her hands, fighting the urge to grasp onto them and pour out the contents of my entire being to tell her that I- “Beca, why do you have a hospital bracelet? What happened?” Worry immediately flooded my thoughts and I almost wanted to yell at her calm behavior after I broached the subject.

 

“Braxton Hicks or whatever, or some cervix pain or something.” her brows furrowed and she shifted on her pillow, adjusting her position. “I haven't screwed up motherhood yet, so I'm good.” She mumbled. I can't let her fall asleep on me, but she still needs her rest.

 

“You won't screw up. I promise.” She just hummed and then she fell asleep.

 

****

…...

_“Have you told her?”_

 

_“I don't know what you're talking about.” I said flatly as I put the kettle on for tea._

 

_“You know exactly what I'm talking about, Beca.” Aubrey slid down the counter and stood by me next to the stove. “When are you going to realize that one day the opportunity might not be there?” she was right, the opportunity wasn't always going to be there, but if it meant that I could keep our friendship intact then I would never say. Chloe in my life as just a friend opposed to not in my life at all is a far better decision anyway._

 

_“I know, Aubs, I know, but… I'm not just thinking about me anymore, you know?” I turned to face her with all the seriousness I could muster. “This time, I am totally not alone, and I won't be for the next eighteen years. I have to think about my kids, I don't want them to realize that they're all I have. That'll only hold them back, and that's the last thing I want for them, Aubs.” I explained to her with all the sincerity in my heart. My daughters are my life now, not just my music, not just my friends, but this little family I've made too. It's time to think about the way it'll impact other people's lives, their lives more importantly. My life could wait a little over a decade if it really has to._

 

_“I guess I understand…” she mulled it over and opened the cabinet to get two mugs. “But love isn't supposed to make you weaker, Beca, it's what makes you stronger.” When I didn't say anything she sighed and pulled me into a very much appreciated hug. “I get that you're trying to make the wise adult decision, but your heart wants what it wants, and you could either listen or die trying to ignore it.”_

……

 

****

 

I can't do this anymore.

 

I lied there next to Beca, her head was on my shoulder, and I listened to the sound of the rain outside. The thunder boomed and the lightning cracked, reminding me of how much Beca loves the rain and reminding me of how much I- “Bec? Beca, wake up.” I shook my shoulder to wake her and her eyes were opening slowly, but then she clenched them shut again. “Beca, wake up.”

 

“What, what, what, I'm awake.” She said hurriedly in a grouchy voice, obviously irritated with being woken up.

 

“Beca…” it's now or never, Beale. “I love you.” I would've laughed at the yawn that followed, but Beca still hadn't reacted. When she stopped yawning, and her face went back to normal, she thoughtfully frowned at me and smiled just a little.

 

“You woke me up to tell me you love me?” I nodded and she just laid her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes again. “Yeah, you too, weirdo.” I shook her again and locked eyes with her.

 

“Becs, I love you.” I tried to make all my emotions visible in my eyes, I tried to be confident, so I smiled and it hadn't helped in the slightest, but it fell when Beca's eyes were as big as saucers at my confession.

 

“You-you love me?” I nodded slowly and she started to get up. “Oh… okay… shit…” I could feel the color from my face drain immediately at her reaction. This wasn't exactly what I hoped might happen. “Okay… you love me… okay… you know what, I think I'm just gonna… I'll be right back.” She got up and left the room, but I wasn't about to let her go without at least talking about it before she shuts me out.

 

I let her have a head start, knowing that since she's well over seven months pregnant she wouldn't have gotten very far yet. I waited until I couldn't hear the footsteps on the stairs anymore and I sped walk down them as fast as I could. The thunder boomed and the rain came down harder. She slipped on her shoes, surprisingly all by herself, but before I knew it she was out the door and in the rain.

 

* * *

 

“Beca, wait!” I stood just outside the door and watched her walked down the driveway. “Beca, where are you going?”

 

“We-we ran out if tea, I'm going to get more down the street.” She said plainly as she walked down the driveway and to the sidewalk.

 

“Beca, it's pouring, get back inside!” I yelled. “Beca, we need to talk about this!” I started to walk down the driveway to stay in earshot, the rain hit my back and my clothes were now completely soaked. “Beca, I know you heard what I said!” She kept going and I ran up to her, I tried not to slip and fall in the process. I stood right behind her and stopped for a second, hoping she would stop too, but she kept walking. “Beca, I love you!” She stopped.

 

Thank God, she stopped.

 

I walked closer to her, trying to put less distance between us, I needed to know what she felt, but preferably inside where it's warm and she won't get sick. “I love you.” She turned around, her face was red and blushy, I could tell she was flustered.

 

“You-you-you can't just say those things to me…” she said in a low voice. Her face was scared and nervous, and I felt horrible because that had not been my intention. “You can't just say those things to me…”

 

“I heard you, Bec.” I could cry right now, the rain would make it invisible, and she wouldn't know. Only she would because she's Beca and apparently she has a 'mother’s intuition’ now so there wouldn't be hiding it.

 

“You can’t just wake someone up and drop a bomb on them like that, Chloe.” She said, not making any eye contact with me, making me feel worse. “I have a family now, Chloe, I can't just… I can't, I can't…”

 

“Yes you can.” I moved closer to her, I tried not be hurt when she moved back. I took another step, but her feet kept her in place this time. “You can, and it shouldn't of happened like this… but,” I grabbed her shaking hand and pressed it against my chest. “This is why I had to tell you, because the only thing I could hear before you get home from work, or when I hear your voice, is my heart beating out of my chest and it's making me insane.” She didn't move. She didn't withdraw her hand from me, she didn't do anything but stare at me.

 

“This… this is what you do to me, Beca. I never thought that someone would take my breath away like that… it-it took me so long to realize it. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you and I'm sorry that I fell in love with you, and I damaged our friendship beyond repair, and that we're having this conversation in the rain, but that's just the way it happened.” I stepped closer, her hand was still on my chest, and she remained staring at me, and her brow furrowed.

 

“I just love you.” I brought my other hand up to brush away the hair that stuck to her cheek, my fingertips lingered there. I watched her stormy eyes bore into mine, my gaze flicked down to her pink lips and it happened just like that.

 

I placed a long, chaste kiss to her lips, when I opened my eyes again, I watched her dazed expression refocus on me. Her eyelids fluttered and I noticed that she hadn't moved from where we stood. I kissed her again, tenderly, revelling in the way our lips moved together at a natural pace as if we'd been doing this since the day we met. She kept her hand on my heart, her other hand joined on the right side and I kept my hands on her waist. I tightened my grip, and I ran my tongue over her bottom lip, and her lips created a space for my tongue to enter.

 

I licked into her mouth, hearing the pleased moan coming from the back of her throat, and I continued to explore this new territory. I held her close and her arms wrapped greedily around my neck keeping me tethered to the earth, if she let me go I might just float away and burst when I get too close to the sun. I kissed her until it was absolutely necessary for me to stop and breathe, I rested my forehead on hers and bit my lip.

 

I let out a disbelieving laugh and she joined me, I looked into her eyes and couldn't fight the urge to kiss her again, so I did. I kissed her with everything I had. When we broke apart again, I was reminded that it was still raining when I watched a small droplet roll down to her lips and I licked it off and captured her lips again.

 

If she's not careful, we're gonna need a heart defibrillator soon.

 

When I pulled away, she was beaming at me and my only instinct was to return the megawatt smile. “We should get inside.”

 

I can't believe I just did that.

 

When we got in, she went straight for the stairs and I followed. When we got to the top and she walked over to her room, and walked to the door of her bathroom. She quickly turned to face me as I grabbed my clothes from our duffle bag. “Just because I kissed you does not mean I forgive you for waking me up.” She said in a stern voice, but I kept my smile on my face and let her have her moment.

 

“Got it.” I simply said and waited for her in her room.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So deffinitely not as dramatic and fluffy as you guys probably were expecting...
> 
> If anything it was probably just a little inconvenient and just totally totally random outburst of emotions, but that's the way the cookie crumbles for this chapter I guess...
> 
> Hate it? Love it? Let me know, next chapter will have _some_ angst but an equal amount of fluff.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one because why not.

* * *

**Last day in Georgia…**

 

Chloe loves me.

 

That's new. Quite scary, actually, and not at all how I imagined any love declaration would go. I thought it'd be me when I couldn't take it anymore, but instead it was Chloe. She said she fell in love with me while we stood in the rain yesterday, with my hand on her heart just like one of those lame movies. It was different. The rest of the day was shared with little kisses here and there, she slept in my bed with me, but it’s not like too much of that is new. It's the same, basically, but different. I didn't stay too long in the bed, after I was sure she was asleep I sat on the patio with my tea, since I can't have caffeine, and I watched the rain fall.

 

There's a reason why it's not so exciting and wonderful as it should be, and that reason is because I can't imagine any of this being real. It's so unreal, everything is hazy like a dream, and I've never felt more in a fog until after Chloe had said any of what she said yesterday. None of this is real. It can't be, it's not possible that in a million years Chloe Beale would ever, even in the slightest, return any feelings towards me.

 

That she would feel what I feel for her, that intense connection that seemed one sided for so long, and now before she leaves any room she gives me a kiss whether it be on my forehead, my nose, or my lips. She said she was in love with me, and for the life of me, for some bizarre and twisted, sadistic reason I couldn't wrap my head around it enough to believe her and say it back.

 

****

 

I never let go of Beca's hand.

 

I need to have a reminder that all of this actually did happen yesterday, that I haven't pined my way to oblivion. So I held her hand and tried to convey to her all my feelings with a quick squeeze before she let go to browse in the gift shop without me, while I watched our bags at our gate. A weight had been lifted, but there was a new one added. I am more than relieved that told her, that I finally got to kiss her, that that kiss was by far the best kiss ever, but I felt like there was more. Like a lot more complicated than it probably needs to be.

 

I've never fallen so hard and so deep before, but I know that this… this isn't everything it could be right now. “I got you this suspense book and I got me this sketch pad, but look! Look at these!” She pulled two onesies from her bag and showed them to me. It was baby pink and have black cursive letters that said 'Feed me and tell me I'm pretty.’. She had tears in her eyes and she looked at them, she rubbed her stomach, and stared at them a while longer.

 

Despite the fact that I'd just been in deep thought of how this was supposed to feel, I smiled at the woman I love as she got herself all worked up over baby clothes from an airport gift shop. She beamed at me and let a few tears escape. I took a chance and reached out to her stomach, my palm was flat against it and I mustered all the love I had to look her in the eyes. I leaned forward and kissed her sweetly, I let our noses brush, and we leaned on each others foreheads and laughed. She grimaced and I looked at her questioningly. “Damn it, I have to pee again, be right back?”

 

“I'll be right here.” I kissed her one more time and watched our things. I know that this is something beyond… this is beyond, I know it is because every time she looks at me I feel like I am the only other person on Earth, like I am the only thing that matters, and the instant she smiles at me my heart aches and I swear on everything I have that the biggest supernovas never shine as bright. This is beyond, I know it.

 

……

_“What's a soulmate?” I asked Daddy while we walked down the grocery aisle. He seemed surprised by my question, but he chewed his lip until he could find an answer._

 

_“It's a… well it's like a best friend, but more.” My curious mind never settled for simple answers and seeing that I didn't understand he thought again and he looked at me and smiled as he thought of his answer. “It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else,” he started as we browsed through the cereal. “It's someone who makes you a better person.” He grabbed our favorite cereal and we continued to walk, listening to the dull sounds of someone pushing their cart, the buzz of the lights, and soft music playing throughout the store._

 

_He shook his head and looked at me with a thoughtful frown. “Actually they don't make you a better person, you knew that yourself… because they inspire you.” We went around the store to the paper goods and picked up some napkins. “A soulmate is someone you could carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would.”_

 

_Our cart slowly came to a stop and he looked at me, softly smiling, thinking of soulmates. “And no matter what happens, you will always love them. Nothing could ever change that.” that was his final answer, and then I knew that I would wait and watch for my soulmate everywhere. I knew that I would wait for them._

……

 

“Chloe?” I heard his voice behind me and I turned to meet his blue eyes for the first time since December.

 

“Chicago, hi!” I closed the distance and gave him a small hug. “What are you doing here?” 

 

“I'm back in the states, I go back in six months.” He smiled at me, but it didn't have the same affect it did seven months ago, even if that affect only lasted till the end of our tour. He peeked over my shoulder and saw Beca getting harrassed by the paparazzi and signing a few autographs for some people just outside the bathroom. “She looks good, like she's enjoying that.” He grinned and I couldn't help but stare at her, at the way she interacted with everyone she met.

 

“Yeah, she is.” I said lovingly, I might as well have heart emojis for eyes because Chicago looked at me with a knowing smirk.

 

“Its nice to see you, Chloe.” I looked back at him, his eyes were soft and kind. “Love looks good on you.” I smiled and with that he left. Beca came walking back and she sighed excitedly.

 

“Sorry, I had a few people asking me to sign their magazines, who were you talking to?” It didn't matter who I was talking to, what mattered was that if Chicago could see it, then why hadn't Beca said it back yet?

 

“Just an old friend.” I smiled softly as I admired the way her eyes lit up after talking to people who liked her for the things she does. “Let's go, we're gonna be late.”

 

* * *

 

“What are you drawing?” I leaned over to see what she had been sketching, and I made a mental note that is also one of the things her hands can do that I love.

 

“I'm seeing if maybe I could make a design for their wallpaper…” her tongue stuck out in concentration and I watched her draw a hot air balloon. It was a really good sketch. “Screw it, I'll just paint the room yellow.” She said discarding the drawing on her tray as she laughed. “I'll just put up a few paintings and their pictures, and our family picture when we get it done-”

 

“Boo!” A little brown haired girl interrupted as she jumped from the aisle.

 

“My goodness! You scared me!” Beca gasped dramatically. She twisted to look at her, making eye contact with her. “You make such a good monster, does the monster have a name?” The little girl nodded enthusiastically, her eyes were alight with a pure and innocent glow.

 

“Liv!”

 

“Well, hi, Liv!” Beca said in a animated voice, it melted my heart even further, it was cavity sweet, I'll be sure to make an appointment for the dentist this week because of it. “My name is Beca.”

 

“Hi, Beca!” She said in a sweet and small voice.

 

“How old are you?” I'd half expected Beca to just say hi and leave the girl be, but she pressed on and made conversation with her.

 

“Four.” Liv said as she swayed randomly in front of Beca as if there was music playing.

 

“Four? Can you show me four?” Liv held up her four fingers and Beca let out a breathy laugh and continued to grin at the little girl. “That's so good! You wanna know how old I am?” She nodded and Beca started to count on her fingers as if she didn't remember. “You know what, I'm so old I don't remember!” she laughed and she took a step forward to Beca and poked her stomach.

 

“What's _in_ there?” she asked, staring at her belly like if it were going to explode any second.

 

“Well, you see I'm having a baby, two of them, can you show me two?” Liv put her fingers up and her face twisted up in confusion, she thought long and hard, but Beca just smiled at her, and I smiled at Beca.

 

“But how did it get in there?” Beca laughed awkwardly, and she looked at me and I could only laugh at her. She thought carefully for a moment, trying to come up with an explanation.

 

“Well you see, sometimes when you grow up, you want so many things, you want friends, a job, you want someone to love you, and you know what I wanted?” She shook her head, and I listened to her explanation as I was intrigued by her premise. “I wanted to not be alone because being alone made me sad. Does being alone make you sad?” The girls eyes cast down and she pouted.

 

“So I wished and _wished_ that I wouldn't be alone and now I'm having these babies so I'm not alone anymore.” My hear swelled at her explanation, I couldn't believe she was being so open with a random child on the plane, so honest, yet giving her hope at the same time.

 

“Olivia, I told you to stay in your seat! I am so sorry, ma'am, I hope she didn't bother you.” The woman who we could only assume was Liv's mother scolded her and apologized to Beca for the interruption.

 

“Oh, no, she's fine, she was just making conversation.” Beca said kindly. When Liv’s mother realized who she was, her eyes grew wide and she smiled.

 

“I-I-I love your song, it speaks to me.” I felt the joy and accomplishment radiating off of Beca at those words.

 

“I'm glad it does.” They said their goodbyes and Beca picked up her sketch book again and continued to go on as if that little girl didn't stop to talk to her.

 

“I love you.” I said as if it were a totally normal thing to say to my best friend - _kind of girlfriend? Soulmate?_ \- whatever she is, we haven't discussed it, but for after saying it yesterday it didn't feel new. It felt relatively regular to say, and I know that I'd been saying it in what I thought was a platonic way for the past seven years but it was… more, and it probably has always been more, but right now I know that I said it and I said it because this is it for me. She's it for me, I am ruined for anyone else who could ever come after if this went down in flames. She's it.

 

“Why don't you… why don't you say it back?” I asked her, bracing myself for heartbreak. “When I say it, why don't you say it back?” She looked at me with a face so serious, but soft and empathetic.

 

“I… I've thought about it before, Chloe. It's not easy, not now, and not with the girls on the way, I'm risking a lot, here.” she turned to face me completely and her face had fear written all over it. “And I have to think of them, but I can't think of them without losing you.” Her eyes were brimmed with tears as were mine. “But being with you is like going to a place I've never been before, but remember like it's always been there.” I felt the tears roll down my face and I watched Beca's lips quiver at the threatening tears that she was holding back.

 

“And for the first time after hearing you say that to me, knowing what you feel for me, that you love me, I can't say it back because I'm so scared of what that means because if I say it back, that's it. That's it, that be all that there is left, and that's where the end begins because the longer I look at you knowing this, the more I want to dive right in, and that makes me so scared.” I brought my hand up to her cheek and caressed her cheek bone with my thumb, she leaned into my touch and she closed her eyes and I watched the tears spill over.

 

“You're all I want, I want you, you, just all of you, and I want to be with you, I want to be with you, I want to be with you.” I cried like if I were begging her to believe me. “I want you, and as lame as you think it sounds, you're my soulmate, Beca. I… hey, look at me.” She opened her eyes and I saw the want and the pain floating around in them. “I love you.” She let out a sob and sniffled. She smiled at me and nodded frantically.

 

“I love you too.” And that was the inevitable, horrible, and life ending three words that is bound to ruin us both.

 

Or the four words that had only had a matter of time before they were spoken into existence.

 

She kissed me, she took control, and her lips made me light headed as I focused on the way that she held me by the collar of my shirt. She pressed against my lips with her tongue, asking for entrance, which I immediately granted. I basked in the way the smell of her invaded my nose, overwhelming all my senses, the hand that had been fisting my shirt flattened out, and I felt her skin pressed against mine as she splayed her finger on my collar bone.

 

I moaned at the way she explored the territory that was already hers, her hand travelled up my collar bone to the side of neck, and then to play with the red curls at the back. When she released my lips from hers, she nipped at my bottom lip, and she gave an me an eskimo kiss, and kept the warm skin of her forehead pressed against mine. “God, I love you.” she nuzzled her nose into my neck and she let out a shaky breath. “Please be real.” She whispered.

 

“I'm real, I'm real, _this_ is real.” I assured her. This is real.

 

* * *

 

“If you want, we can just act like friends if you don't want to get harrassed by all these idiots.” Beca offered as we exited the gate.

 

“No, no, you know what I think?” She arched an eyebrow at me and I challenged her with a smirk. “Fuck em’.” She gasped dramatically and gave me the lopsided smile that is meant just for me.

 

“Chloe!” She said and then her shock turned into a mischievous smirk. “I like your style, baby.” I right about swooned when she called me that. That is _my_ name, no one else's, it's mine for the rest of forever that's it.

 

“Let's go.” We walked out and saw all the paps swarming us already.

 

“When's your next album coming out?”

 

“Beca!”

 

“New girl already?”

 

“How did it feel to turn down a big name in music?” Beca stopped and I kept my hand in hers, squeezing, hoping that she wouldn't scare the photographers half to death like she had in Brooklyn.

 

“How did it feel?” Beca asked, smiling a bright and beautiful smile at the man who asked the question. She smirked as shook her head and we kept walking. She leaned over to kiss my cheek, and smiled against my me, leaving burning skin as a result.

 

I think that was a terrific answer.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Chloe miss sunshine-love-everyone-so-nice Beale used a curse word. The most aggressive one at that.
> 
> What's your favorite curse word?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers block. That's all I will say. Enjoy!

* * *

**Day of the baby shower…**

 

“Yes, I am walking into work as we speak.” I walked into the glass doors with Agnus and Taylor in tow.

 

“I left you a little something, it was cute and I thought you'd like it.” she said sweetly into the phone. I could never believe that one day _she_ would be the one to say she was in love with _me._ Damn, I never expected it. God, I love her so much, and now I can actually say it out loud. Thank God, because Gail was about to get John and harrass Chloe to 'accidentally’ spill the beans. We share my bed, like we did in Brooklyn, my legs still tangle with hers, and every inch of her still has me in a koala death grip when I wake up, and I still marvel at her like I used to, but it feels like it's finally more than a longing glance now.

 

“Chlo, you didn't have to do that, you know how I am with that type of thing.” I told her as I grabbed the box from the receptionist. I mouthed a 'thank you’ before I started walking to my office.

 

“I know, I know, but it was _so_ you and I promise, it wasn't that big of a deal.” I pulled the lid of the box off and I pulled away all the tissue paper to reveal a short black dress with white branches and leaves on it.

 

“Baby, this is amazing, thank you.” I was grinning ear to ear, I could see Taylor smirking at me, breaking the façade of being a serious guard.

 

“Anything for my girls,” I made a mental note of how she said 'girls’ plural instead of 'girl’ singular, as in _just me._ I still have to talk to her about that. “I'll see you soon, babe. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, baby, talk to you later.” I made a kissy noise into the phone and I heard Amy snickering from the desk outside my office. I needed a new assistant since I gave Janine the publicist position, and Amy said she would do it. I scoffed at first because I watched that woman almost burn down our kitchen trying to make _top ramen,_ a _microwavable food._ How she did it is still beyond me, but Janine speed tested her on the software we use and proper business phone call etiquette, she got all of it completely right. I sat her behind the desk for three days and in her words ‘she crushed it.’, so I let her keep the job even though she's a multimillionaire and doesn't need to work at all. Something to keep her busy would be good, and it's nice to see her even though I refuse to be referred to as 'The Triple Mitchell’. The things that come out her mouth, but then she answers the phone with:

 

_“Beca Mitchell's office, how can I help you today?”_

 

Who would've thought. “What's so funny?”

 

“She's got you like a circus pony, you're so-” She was interrupted when the phone rang, she answered with the seriousness I wish she had during serious Bella emergencies. “Hi, you've reached Beca Mitchell's office… she's not in yet, but I could take a message?” She started writing it out on her Post-It’s and she dropped the pen. “I will be sure that it gets to her… thank you, have an awesome day.” She hung up and huffed out a breath. “That is _way_ too much energy for so early in the morning.”

 

“It's noon, Amy.” I called back as I walked back to my office. It was going to be a great day.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, we just need to tweak a couple of things, but other than that we need to get a design for the cover and to set a date for the drop party.” Evermoist squealed uncharacteristically and jumped up and down like a group of teenage girls instead of the moody artists I'm used to.

 

“This is amazing, Beca, thank you.”

 

“Don't thank me, I should thank you.” I said as I stood to walk over. “If I hadn't snatched you guys up, someone else would've signed you.” I got a group hug from them all, but the girls got in the way and made them all chuckle at the awkward position they had to stand at. Calamity kept her arm around my shoulder and squeezed tight.

 

“This is gonna be fantastic, Beca.” She grinned at me and she rubbed my stomach. “What would we have done without you?”

 

“Crash and burn.” She rolled her eyes and started walking out.

 

“See you!” She left and I stood by the window and checked my messages.

 

_Chloe*heart emoji* (to Beca) 3:30 PM: meet after work?_

 

_Beca (to Chloe) 3:31 PM: be there in five_

 

I turned to leave when I heard yelling from outside my office. I walked behind my desk to reach for my phone to call security or something when Theo barged in. “Theo?” Agnus and Taylor ran up behind him and held him.

 

“Beca, please!” I motioned for them to let him loose. “Beca… Beca what happened to us?” I said nothing, I just lamely straightened out the paperwork on my desk. “I did some things… that I'm not proud of-”

 

“You didn't.” He looked confused and I kept my straight face completely still and expressionless. “You didn't do anything, that's the one thing you did, but absence doesn't really count as an action since you were there to do it.”

 

“Beca, you didn't even listen to what I had to say on Friday, I wanted to do the right thing, I wanted to marry you.” I stayed calm and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep quiet. 

 

“Why?” I asked wanting to hear his reasoning.

 

“Because, I-”

 

“Because you love me? Is that why? Because whatever you thought was doing the right thing, it wasn't. I have things to do, so if you'll excuse me.” I stood in front of him, but he wouldn't move.

 

“And you still chose her over me.” He said quietly. “After all this time I thought…” he chuckled bitterly and his glassy brown eyes met mine. “You prefer her over me, and our kids will too.” he whispered sorrowfully. I said nothing, I kept my stone face, and my jaw clenched as my guards moved him out of the way. I passed and walked out of my office and into the elevator.

 

* * *

 

I felt like I was trying to crack my tooth, I had my jaw clenched so hard. After I see Chloe, it'll be fine. But then I remembered that I still had to have that talk with her. I hadn't realized that that was how Theo felt… I am such a shit person. I walked up to the door of Blackbird and when I pulled it open I saw tall, dark, and handsome leaning over the counter and chatting it up with Chloe. Great, this is just great, this is exactly the type of thing I need. “Becs!” The way she said my name barely had any affect on me at the moment. She hopped over the counter to come meet me at the door, whoever tall, dark, and handsome was turned around and his eyes were the size of saucers when he realized who I was. I usually enjoy it when fans realize that the huge pregnant lady in front of them is famous, but this guy makes me want to kick his perfect straight teeth in.

 

“Oh my God, I had no idea you knew Beca Mitchell.” He walked over and before I could say anything, Chloe's lips were pressed against mine, but for the life of me I couldn't focus and I knew that Chloe knew something was up. “And you're dating her too?” He asked confusedly, if I wasn't wrong I'd say he also sounded disappointed.

 

“Yep!” Chloe chirped before linking our hands together. “Bye, John!” she turned us around and we left.

 

I don't even know what fucking just happened.

 

God, you know when I walked into that coffee shop, she looked like she fit there. Talking to Mr. What's His Name. Maybe she did fit there.

 

****

 

The car ride home is unbearably quiet, and it's never unbearably quiet with Becs. She's off today, she was fine this afternoon, she even called me 'Baby’ and made a kissy noise at the end of our call, she was fine, but whatever happened between then and now really made the steam come out of her ears.

 

Maybe Amy called her 'The Triple Mitchell’ again.

  
But that wouldn't explain the reason her makeup was smudged like if she were crying. That comment wouldn't drive her to tears. But then again, she _is_ pregnant and hormonal. Whatever happened had made her upset, and I can't have that if the surprise I have waiting in the apartment requires a happy Beca. Beca stared intensely out of the window, her hands fiddled with the hem of her dress. I tried to focus on the road, but really her distractedness was distracting me. She was distraught and I was of no help. It sucked.

 

* * *

 

We finally pulled into the parking garage, and we took the elevator up. Whatever she was upset about, she was about to forget because behind our apartment door was every single Bella, her mom, Dr. Mitchell and Sheila, her aunt Cassidy and her cousins, Janine, John and Gail, and Evermoist. DJ Khaled even left a gift from him and his family before jetting to Miami. Everyone was there. She opened the door and everyone yelled.

 

“Surprise!”

 

She stopped as soon as they yelled. Her alarmed look stayed on her face longer than it was supposed to. “Hi!” I could tell that it was hard just to even say that. “Hi… oh my God, hi… um, I need to use the bathroom? Can-can I do that? Please?” the guests just nodded, slightly confused with her reaction. Beca nodded back, and then she disappeared to the back of our apartment and into her bathroom.

 

****

 

It is the days like these that I need a stronger word than 'fuck’.

 

I was expecting to get in, have a talk, have a good cry, rinse and repeat. I wasn't expecting a million people to be in my apartment for a surprise baby shower. A little warning might've been nice, but I guess that would take the surprise out, wouldn't it?

 

****

 

“You know, the normal reaction to all of this would be to be excited and happy.” I stood behind her as she stood at the edge of the hallway with Cat Amy sitting at her feet.

 

“That would be the case if you guys didn't scare the piss out of me.” She said through a smile. She walked away and started mingling with everyone, and now I wonder what went wrong today.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, it's time for gifts!” everyone sat around Beca, Beca was trying her best to put on a happy face, but I could tell that she knew it was almost over. She pulled out a bunch of onesies and a mobile, her mom gave her a picture of the crib that's being shipped here. Everything is more or less according to the registry, Beca loves it all.

 

“This is all so great you guys.” She started crying, I moved to go help but Aubrey, Stacie, and Emily were already on top of it. She didn't seem like she was happy crying, now she was just crying and unwrapping gifts.

 

“Becs.” I called from my chair. She looked up at me and gave me a forced watery smile. I decided I would ask later.

 

****

 

“Bye, mama.”

 

“Bye, sweetheart, call me with any updates, okay?” She kissed my cheek.

 

“Okay, mama.” I turned back in and all the Bellas were organizing my baby stuff. I loved everything, it was all my style, and I'm very touched that Chloe, Emily, and Stacie organized this for me, but I couldn't bring myself to actually smile. I'm supposed to happy and thankful, but really I don't deserve any of this. “Thank you guys.” I walked up to all of them and they rubbed my stomach and I hugged them all. When I started picking up plates and cups, all the Bellas took all the stuff from me and threw it away.

 

“You're not allowed to help, this is your day, Beca.” Aubrey told me in a stern voice with a look that told me not to object.

 

“You guys are too good to me.” I said passing by the couch. “I'm gonna be in my room.” The all collectively nodded and continued to clean. I opened my door, I saw Cat Amy laying on my unmade bed, I crawled into the covers and as soon as my head hit the pillow the tears started falling. I really hate myself. How could I have been so low that I used someone to get over someone else, which he was apparently well aware of, and then be angry? I've never felt like more of a shit person than I do now. What he did was still fucked, going cold for most of my pregnancy was a shitty thing to do, then to call them _'our’_ kids after being gone for so long was a little infuriating. I won't cut him off from them, but if he wants to give up before it's even started then he doesn't actually get the right to call them his kids.

 

And then I'm dragging Chloe into this. She has a kid-free, and uninterrupted life, she says she wants me, and she calls us her girls, but how much of that is going to stay true in the long run?

* * *

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler? I dunno, I felt like a little bit of fluff, angst, and important talks were necessary before we got to anything else. Enjoy.

* * *

  **Thirty-two weeks pregnant…**

 

I woke up to no Beca for the millionth time since the baby shower. She's been getting up because she can't sleep. At least that's what she tells me when I ask her about it in the morning.

 

But this time I got up too.

 

I crept around the corner of the living room and I saw her outside on the balcony. She left the door open, and I thought it'd be better if I quietly lurked instead of scaring 'the piss’ out of her like for the shower. So I got close enough to hear her clearly.

 

“Baby, baby, baby, that's… that's my life now,” she'd almost sounded sad, or disappointed. “But that's okay. I'm glad you guys picked me.” I heard her watery laugh and I felt my own tears threatening my eyes. “I'm not perfect, I like to say 'shit’, and I forget things… and I hurt your dad real bad…” I heard her getting choked up, I thought that I should get out there, but maybe she didn't want me out there right now. Or maybe she just didn't want me. “And I hurt your grandpa, and your grandma, I don't want to hurt you too…” She was trying so hard not to start wailing and having a panic attack where she was in view of other people. “You're not a mistake, not at all. I didn't expect to love you so much, but I fell, and she caught me.” I knew then that she was talking about me. I didn't want to listen, but my feet wouldn't move. “She always catches me, ever since I was mean and didn't ask her too… she caught me again. I love her for it. I wish I could catch her just once.” I quit after hearing the last thing she said. I went straight back to bed and I cried. Hard.

 

****

 

“I don't know what to call you…” I rubbed my stomach and I thought hard about names. “Maybe I'll call you Margaret and Rose? Maggie and Rosie?” They tucked themselves further up my ribcage and then I decided that those would not be their names as the fetuses have spoken. “No? Okay…” I hummed and I rubbed my stomach. “Usually she would be better at coming up with something…” Chloe, I was talking about Chloe. I didn't want to say 'Aunty Chloe’ because it'd be weird if your mom and aunty made out and slept in the same bed, wouldn't it? And I can't say 'Mom’ because… well I don't know if that _could_ be her title. We love each other, and we sleep in the same bed, and she had gone with me to every appointment, but 'Mom’ is a really big shoe to fill. I can barely even fill it now.

 

“How about Amara and Aliyah?” They didn't move. “Well, I don't know guys, you'll have to tell me or something, use your brain telepathy, we're basically the same person, you know?” I walked back inside, the sun was barely coming up, and so I put the kettle on the stove for tea. I heard the low patter of feet coming down the hallway, and I looked on the couch to see Cat Amy sleeping, so I looked over to the hallway and saw Chloe standing there in front of me in her sleep shorts and my hoodie. She grinned when she saw that I was wearing hers. “Hey…” I said quietly, like if I was practicing for when the babies were here. I just didn't want to disturb them, they finally settled out of my ribs. Those little weirdos are demanding.

 

“What are you doing up?” She came around to me and she hugged me, and dropped her lips down to my neck. I knew that she knew that I knew she knew why I was up.

 

“Thinking… you?”

 

“Same…” she trailed off. I felt her warm breath on my shoulder, leaving goosebumps all over. I've never had such intimate moments like this. With all other people it was just usually awkward cuddles or hugs that were just _a little_ longer than most. Chloe was different. I don't understand why she wants any of this.

 

“Theo resigned.” After the day of my shower, he turned in his resignation letter. Chloe's breathing faltered for a second a the mention of his name. Her grip got tighter around me.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“I have no fucking clue…” I said, letting my tears spill over. What did this mean? I know that I love Chloe, I have since literally forever ago, and I know that I am made for her, but I am also made to be a mother, so how can I have both things without disappointing one or the other? Why did she even stick around? I tried to give her an out, but she stayed. Why? “Why do you love me?” I couldn't stop the words from coming out.

 

“I love you because… you're everything.” She held my stomach in her hands and kissed my ear. “You give me everything,” she kissed my other shoulder. “And your girls are everything, I wouldn't have it any other way.” I found one of her hands and squeezed it tight. “Because you're it.”

 

“You’re ready for me and my girls?” I muttered softly. I need to know how she'll play into their life.

 

“I can't wait to meet them, and be apart of their life in any way I can.” that is the answer I needed. I sighed happily and leaned back into her. I started to drift off, but she patted my stomach. “Let's go to bed.”

* * *

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some fluff and humor before we start wrapping this story up. Enjoy.

* * *

**Thirty-five weeks pregnant…**

 

“Babe, I'm sorry!”

 

“Sorry about what? That you did it or you got caught?” I followed Beca into the apartment and all the way to our room to get the door slammed in my face.

 

“Babe!”

 

“Go away!” I knocked again and when the door opened, our duffle bag was thrown at me and I was faced with an angry and emotional pregnant woman, who was sobbing uncontrollably. “I can't believe you could do that, Chloe! How could you do that?” I tried to take a step closer to her, but she swatted my hand away. “You are literally the worst person in the world!”

 

“I'm sorry, babe-” I reached to grab her hand, but she jerked away.

 

“Don't touch me, and _don't_ call me that.” She sniffled and angrily wiped her eyes. “I called Stacie, you're staying at hers.”

 

“Beca-”

 

“I don't want to see you, Chloe, please go.”

 

* * *

 

I walked up to Stacie's door, I was exhausted and hurt that my girlfriend just kicked me out. I knocked three times, she didn't answer. I knocked again, she didn't answer. I took a seat on the floor next to the door and I waited. I can't believe that just happened. I didn't even mean to upset her, I actually _am_ sorry, not sorry that I got caught.

 

This is why I don't know how I'm supposed to navigate this whole baby thing with Beca because all I seem to do these days is trigger the water works and make her cry and yell. I never mean to make her cry or get mad, but her hormones are through the roof, I'm scared to breathe too hard around her.

 

I was at work the other day and I went to the sandwich shop next door to get lunch, I got a tuna melt and some salt and vinegar chips, when I went to Beca's office after my shift she yelled at me, threw up in the trash can, and made me stand outside by the elevators to gargle mouthwash and chew a stick of gum before re-entering her office. When I got back in, she greeted me with a big smile and welcoming arms, I half expected her to yell at me for hugging her wrong, but she didn't.

 

“What did _you_ do?” I looked up at Stacie, she had Bella's stroller in front of her with a pizza box balanced on top.

 

“I watched Harry Potter without her.”

 

****

 

**Thirty-six weeks pregnant…**

 

I held Chloe's hand as we walked up to the building. She was finally starting vet school. “You have money for lunch?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And Janine's number if Stacie and I aren’t available?”

 

“Yes.” I looked through her backpack, making a thorough check, she checked it in the car, but I checked it again because it's Chloe and you can never be too careful.

 

“You remember where to go? You remember everything from the tour?” I turned her around and looked into her bright cerulean eyes.

 

“Yup!”

 

“Okay and where are you waiting for me to pick you up?” I arched my eyebrow at her and watched her face contort into confusion. “At…  the…  fla-”

 

“At the flagpole!” She said animatedly. I cupped her cheeks and I beamed at her.

 

“That's my girl! Don't be afraid to text me if you need anything, okay?” I gave her a quick peck and I turned her around to face the main building. I pushed her shoulders and she started walking. “Have a great day, okay, sweetie! I love you!” She turned around she waved wildly at me.

 

“Love you too!” I watched her go and the tears started pouring out of my eyes.

 

“I'm so proud of her!” I started crying and I felt the hand come down on my shoulder.

 

“I know, I know, the first day of school is always hard.” I opened my eyes and wiped my face. “Let's go get some ice cream?”

 

“Okay.” I sniffled and joined Gail on the walk back to the car.

 

* * *

 

“I don't see her, Gail, I called her and texted her, she was supposed to meet me here.” I paced in front of the flagpole and Gail sat on the bench off to the side.

 

“She'll be here, stop worrying.”

 

“What if she decided she didn't want to have to meet me here? What if she's embarrassed?” I really wanted to know how her first day went, but she wasn't waiting where she said we were gonna meet.

 

“She's not embarrassed.” Gail deadpanned as she typed out a message to John.

 

“How do you know that?” I started getting really antsy and anxious, and then I wondered if she met someone from class.

 

Oh my God, what if she had like a love at first sight type of love with one of her classmates, and she just forgets all about me and the girls and-

 

“Hey, babe!” I saw her red curls bounce as she skipped up to me. She stopped in front of me to bend down and kiss my tummy, and then she kissed me.

 

“Hey, baby, how was your first day?” I pecked her one more time and linked our hands together.

 

“It was really good, I met all my professors, I have the year schedule, and the syllabus, oh my God, babe, it's going to be so much fun!”

 

“Good, I'm glad.”

 

* * *

 

**Thirty-seven weeks pregnant…**

 

“Breathe, Becs.”

 

“You got this, you're doing just fine.”

 

“It's gonna be okay.” I held my face in my hands and I let the hot tears fall. I've never been more devastated in my life. I knew it was going to happen, I knew it was basically inevitable. It was just so hard to face the music. I wanted to go home, I wanted to go home, like to my mom's, and go back to my old bed, and stay under the comforter I slept with for ten years. I wonder if I can take a leave of absence. This is just too much to bear.

 

“You can't prepare yourself enough for this, it happens to all of us, Beca.”

 

“He didn't deserve to die, Cals!” I wailed and sobbed in front of all our friends who were binge watching with us. “What about Maggie? And pancake?” I needed some time. I cuddled into Chloe's side and she softly hummed to me, trying to soothe the pain, but there is just no coming back from a big TV show death like that.

 

“It's okay, babe, we're gonna be okay.”

 

****

 

**Thirty-eight weeks pregnant…**

 

“Baby.” I rolled over to look up at Beca, she was wide awake, and staring down at me.

 

“Yeah?” I yawned really loud and sat up. “What's wrong?”

 

“I really, really, want cake.” I looked at her dumbly and I sat up.

 

“Cake?” I looked over to our alarm clock, it was two in the morning, I had class at ten. “Now?” She nodded sleepily and she smiled at me. I can't deny her the things she wants when she smiles at me like that. “Okay, I'll be back.” I got up and put on some shorts and a hoodie.

 

“Baby?” I turned around and walked back to the bed on her side. She grabbed my hands and kissed me.

 

“Yes, my love?”

 

“Can you make sure it has that cream cheese frosting I like?” I sighed exasperatedly, it was too late for this type of request. She leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth. “Please?” I said nothing, so she kissed my cheek. “Please?” Her voice was so sweet and small, it was getting harder to not feel guilty. She kissed my jaw, and then she got to the pulse point on my neck and she kissed it.

 

“Please?” My entire body stiffened and I tried not to give into her ways. She bit that exact spot, it hurt, but the way it hurt was so wonderful, I couldn't stifle the low moan that escaped my throat. “Pretty please?” Her voice was low and sultry, I looked into her midnight eyes, and they were dark and hooded in desire. She leaned forward and caught my lip between her teeth, my breath hitched and she pulled off. “Pretty, pretty, pretty please?”

 

“O-okay.” I stuttered out and she smiled brightly at me.

 

“Thank you, baby.” I realized what she had just done and I groaned and rolled my eyes so hard. I started walking toward the door and she called out from inside the bedroom as I exited the hallway. “And a raspberry slush puppy!”

 

“Whatever, princess!” I can't believe I just had my own libido manipulated against me by my own girlfriend for late night snacks. She's lucky she's pregnant.

 

* * *

 

**Thirty-nine weeks pregnant…**

 

“Okay, and what is… 'acute renal failure’?” I squinted my eyes and I thought really hard, I tapped my hand on my notebook and I hummed loudly, I knew what the answer was, it was right in the tip of my tongue.

 

“It's…. It's… it's the failure of kidneys or loss of function!” Beca beamed at me and she kissed me.

 

“That's right, smarty pants, and what's the acronym?” She asked me and I was so excited because it was like a vet pun.

 

“ARF!” She laughed and set the index card aside. She cupped my cheek and I leaned into her touch.

 

“I am so proud of you, baby.” Her thumb swiped over my bottom lip and I peered into her eyes, all the blues and greys, the love and adoration. I honestly couldn't have gotten anywhere without having looked into her eyes that day that the activities fair. Some people call it a coincidence or dumb luck, but I like to believe that it was fate that made me look into the deep, blue, denim eyes to see the potential and tenderness. To see an inevitable future in them.

 

“I couldn't have done it without you, Becs.” She leaned over as much as possible and she kissed my forehead.

 

“Okay, next one! What is the ‘adenohypophysis’?”

 

“The only functional part of the…  pituitary gland!” She tossed the card aside and she smirked at me.

 

“I'm gonna be calling you Dr. Beale in no time, baby.” I gave her a wicked grin and set my things on the coffee table.

 

“I like the sound of that.” I kissed her, and pushed her back in to the couch. I'm positive that this study and reward system we have is going to ensure that I get that title some day.

* * *

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sorry for the delay, I had to ask a lot of women who have had children a lot of questions pertaining to this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**Forty weeks and six days pregnant…**

 

And they say war is hell.

 

Try living with a pregnant woman who was due five days ago. September second, that was the due date, it was now September seventh, and still no babies. At this point I think Beca might actually murder _me_ if her water doesn't break soon. We tried going up the staircase at her office, or down the steps at the park, we tried squats, and hot sauce even, but nothing was working. Dr. Ellison even suggested sex, but Beca yelled at me for even considering it.

 

_“Fucking touch me and I swear to God.”_

 

Life wasn't fair. I actually get to kiss her and hold her in ways I never could, but for the past few weeks on and off, she didn't want my hands anywhere near her because she said she felt like a beached whale. On top of that mess, we had an apartment tour at a three bedroom apartment in the middle ground, between my school and her office, in a great neighborhood, but I have class and she hates me right now. “Thank you so much for coming, Bree.”

 

“How bad is it?” On a scale of 'okay’ or 'devil incarnate’?

 

“Watch this, hey, babe!”

 

 _“What?”_ Upon hearing Beca's aggressive voice, Aubrey flinched and I saw the fear in her eyes. For the first time in history, Aubrey Posen was afraid of someone who was not her father. I guess it was a given because Beca was always a generally cranky person, but now she was a generally cranky _pregnant_ person who was overdue and very much over the whole 'miracle of life’ phase and was leaning more towards the 'get it out of me now.’ phase.

 

Isn't pregnancy just beautiful?

 

“Good luck, soldier.” I clapped her on the shoulder, she was about to protest, but I ran out the door as fast as I could before she could catch me.

 

****

 

I hate this, I want these damn babies’ out and I want em’ out now.

 

'They’re such blessings.’ they said. 'Pregnancies are beautiful.’ they said. Beautiful my ass. My back hurts, my boobs hurt, my feet are swollen, I feel like a beached whale, and I’ve been ordering pickles and Nutella in bulk. Whoever said that pregnancies are beautiful and rewarding experiences can shove it up their ass and go shit themselves because there is no way that having a sore tailbone and small bladder can ever be considered as rewarding. “Hey, Beca.” I turned around and saw Aubrey carefully walking toward me, I waddled as fast as I could.

 

“Hi.” I brought her into a hug that seemed pretty awkward due to the giant planet wedged between us. I started crying and she just squeezed my shoulders and tried to soothe me. “I hate this.”

 

“No, you don't.”

 

“Yes, I do, I quit.” she laughed at me. This chick just fucking laughed at me.

 

“Quit? What do you mean quit, you have eighteen years to go, silly.” I shoved her away and started swatting her anywhere I could reach.

 

“You know what, fuck you and your skinny jeans, Posen.”

 

“Sounds kinky, but you have an appointment, so let's go.”

 

* * *

 

“The schools in this area are excellent, if you decide to move here, or to a more residential area-”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Excuse me?” I looked at the realtor, I felt the sweat dripping down my back, and I felt like my lady bits were about to explode or something.

 

“What's wrong? Are you okay?”

 

“Sorry, sorry, that is so good to know, how many other buyers do you have?” I dismissed Aubrey's question and did my best to keep my groans and pants controlled because I needed this apartment.

 

“This space is recently available, so you're our first tour.” The woman gave her best shiny real estate agent smile and I forced a smiled back, I pressed my hand to my lower back and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that this pressure I was feeling in my uterus would stop.

 

“Can you give us a minute to talk?” I looked at Aubrey, who face was growing increasingly pale and worried.

 

“Of course, take your time.” Aubrey took my arm, and she helped me waddle to one of the bedrooms.

 

“Beca, for serious, are you okay?” I used the wall to hold myself up so I could rub my back.

 

“Yeah, I'm…” there was a huge amount of pressure, it took me a while to get used to. “Fine, I'm fine, I just need to get home.” Aubrey nodded and she let it go for now, she walked over to the closet and opened the door.

 

“Great closet space! Which is really great if…” I stopped listening as I felt  the pressure in my lower half increase. I propped myself on the wall with my hands on either sides of my head. It was getting worse, the room was hot, and the pressure got worse. I felt something warm flow down my inner thigh, and I looked down to see the wet marks down my jeans.

 

“Aubrey.” I called for her and she peeked out of the closet and looked at me.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I think my water just broke.” Her eyes got huge and her jaw dropped, and she hurried over.

 

“Are-are you sure?” I glared at her through the pain.

 

“No, Aubrey-” I felt a pressure far more intense than before, I let out a sharp cry and a shaky breath. “Fuck.”

 

“Okay, we should go, excuse me!” the agent came in and she automatically looked alarmed and uncomfortable. “Hi, hi, um, her water just broke, and we need to leave, like, right now.”

 

“Oh, oh goodness, yes of course.” She moved aside so Aubrey could help lead me out, I walked with my legs wider to try and get some relief. We got out to the hall, but another contraction happened and I bent slightly and groaned.

 

“Fuck… fuck… Aubrey,” I said in between pants. “Go… and tell her… we'll take it.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yes! Now! Go!”

 

* * *

 

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh fuck, Janine.” I said into the phone while Aubrey tried to find a way out of the traffic while simultaneously trying to time my contractions.

 

“Yes, yeah, I hear you, dude.”

 

“Where _the hell_ is Chloe?” Janine's high pitched humming on the other line, that told me she wasn't sure.

 

“She… she's on her way, don't even… don't even worry about it.”

 

“Get her ass to the hospital, or so help me God.”

 

“Yep. Got it. Done.”

 

“Screw it!” Aubrey jumped the curb, the car jostled a little after getting off the sidewalk and back onto the main street, a car honked at us and the driver saluted us with one finger.

 

“Road whore!”

 

“Get bent, asshole, she's having a baby!” Aubrey's face was red and she looked at me, she was hyperventilating and she looked like she was gonna pass out. “How are you? You good? You doing good?” She was smiling nervously and her voice was shaky, then another contraction hit. I groaned loud for a long time and then after both of our breathing became labored and I felt Aubrey press down harder on the gas pedal.

 

****

 

_Janine (to Chloe) 8:17 AM: Chloe pick up!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

I dropped my backpack on to the bench and quickly dialed Janine back. “What's up? What's happening? I'm about to take a test-”

 

“The babies’ are coming, you need to be here or Beca's gonna murder me.”

 

“Oh my God.”

 

****

 

It's like cramps.

 

Times ten.

 

On top of a cyst.

 

While trying to shit a bowling ball.

 

“Have you tried the-”

 

“Yes, Aubrey… I already… already tried the yoga ball…” I looked at her scared expression as she sat in the furthest corner of my suite. “Their… their heart rates kept… they kept falling…” I panted out the rest of my response and fisted the sheets. The door opened and some doctor came in.

 

“Miss Mitchell, hi, I'm Dr. Ramirez.” The woman came around to the foot of my bed. “How are we doing on contractions?”

 

“Every twelve minutes.” The doctor then started moving my bed sheets and I knew what was next. The doctor was working down south of me and Aubrey was staring hard at the clock on the wall with blush quickly rising up from her chest and all the way to the peaks of her cheeks.

 

“You're only six centimeters dilated, you've been here since eight?” I nodded and the monitor started beeping again as another contraction came. “We can speed up the process, and induce labor with something called Pitocin, but I have to warn you, the contractions will be closer together and more intense than you've been experiencing.” I nodded frantically and I opened my eyes to see the doctor staring down at her watch. “I'll be back every other hour, if you're not at eight centimeters in the next hour then we will administer the Pitocin, but until then I want to see if your body will get there on it's own without any interference first.”

 

****

 

“You have her overnight bag?” I sat in the passenger's seat googling what to do when your girlfriend is in labor with twins.

 

“Yes.”

 

“And the carseats?” I looked up from my phone and looked at Stacie with a panicked expression.

 

“Shit! Stacie, she's gonna kill me!” This is how it would end. I'd get murdered by my girlfriend for not bringing the carseats for her newborn daughters, even though I know for a fact that she doesn't want to stay in the hospital any longer than needed after it's over.

 

“I’ll bring by the carseats, you just go and be there for your girl.” She didn't come to a complete stop, but I leapt out and ran inside without a glance back.

 

She's really having a baby.

 

Shit.

 

“Hi, Rebeca Mitchell?” I said into the red phone outside of the heavy set double doors. They opened and I ran through to look for Beca's door number, I found her name on seven, I ran up to it, but a nurse stepped in front of me.

 

“Ma’am, only family, you are _not_ permitted to be inside.”

 

“Like hell I'm not, she needs me.” I tried to move around her, but she stayed in front of me, she signaled the orderlies and they came to hold me back, but I ducked under her arm and flung open the door.

 

“Ma’am, family only!”

 

“She's my girlfriend!” I was let go and I ran up behind the curtain to the doctor with her fingers inside Beca, I yelped and Aubrey ran up in front of her to protect her modesty. “Oh jeez!” I tried to keep my eyes trained on Aubrey, she looked like she wanted to hurl, I immediately felt horrible for making her wait so long through Beca's contractions by herself.

 

“Hi, I'm Dr. Ramirez, I'm stepping in for Dr. Ellison until she arrives.” she shook my hand and I peeked around her to see Beca writhing in pain. “She's only dilated six centimeters, she needs be at ten within the next four hours so she can push, we're going to administer a labor inducing drug called Pitocin, it should help her cervix open, it will be painful, and if that doesn't work we’ll need to do a C-section.” just as she finished speaking, two other nurses came in, one of them had the small station for blood pressure and body temp, the other had the clear bag of whatever they were giving to Beca. “I will be back in two to check her progress.”

 

“Thank you, doctor.” I moved to Beca's side and she opened her tear stained eyes to look at me. “Hey, babe, how you doing?” I put my hand in hers and kissed her knuckles, and she whimpered and muttered something under her breath. She grunted, shifted in her bed, taking the ice chips Aubrey was offering. “I’m sorry I'm late, Dr. Carver kept us for a while to discus-”

 

“Chlo,” Beca grunted out as another contraction hit. “Shut… shut up.” She growled and fisted the sheets with her free hand. I tried not to take it personally, she had been dealing with contractions for a while, I'm sure she just wants the babies’ out.

 

“Ma’am, your sisters are here.”

 

“My… what?” she asked as the contraction ended. I was confused I looked at the door, Calamity, Emily walked in. I got up to greet them.

 

“Hey, B.” Calamity said. I looked at Emily who was standing timidly by the door, she looked like she was trying not to make any sudden movements or something.

 

“My… sisters, huh?” Beca asked, slightly smirking.

 

“I knew they wouldn't let us past, so…” we both laughed a little, except Beca who grimaced, the monitor started beeping again and I returned to her side, I grabbed her left hand. I could hear my bones grinding together, Beca was squeezing with all she had, putting me in excruciating pain.

 

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.” I said through gritted teeth, then suddenly there was a popping noise, and I felt like I smashed my hand with a hammer. “Ow, fuck, Beca! Shit!” tears started coming out my eyes, Beca let go, and I looked at my hand, my knuckle and middle finger were swollen, she popped it out of place. Emily's face was a mix of fear and nausea, she looked so uncomfortable.

 

“Sorry… oh my God, no!” The twins heart rates started falling, she slowly took her feet off her bed to stand as fast as she could. “Nurse!” She pressed the button a million times, between the pain in my hand, their heart rates falling, and another contraction hitting, I was lost in the middle of everything.

 

“Yes, ma'am?” Aubrey stepped in to explain since Beca and I were otherwise occupied.

 

“The twins heart rates keep falling, and she hurt her hand.” the nurse went to Beca first, who was bent over the bed, doing her lamaz. The twins heart rate returned back to normal as the nurse went back out to get the doctor. I was standing there with a swollen knuckle, basically secretly writhing in pain because I didn't want to make Beca feel bad.

 

“Emily.” Beca called from her position at the bed. She quickly walked over. I stood beside Emily and we both stared at Beca, waiting for a command. “Go and take Chloe for her hand…” she groaned loud and lifted her head slightly to look at us. “Cals?” Calamity stood at her side, and she started rubbing her lower back. I would've glared at her, but I couldn't with everything going on. “I need… the epidural _now.”_ Calamity nodded, Emily took my hand and led me out, I tried to argue to stay, but the pain in my hand was only becoming more apparent.

 

****

 

“Okay, don't move.” I sat with my back towards the nurse, Aubrey sat in front of me holding my hands. I felt the pinch and squeezed Aubrey's hand until it disappeared. “It should kick in in a few minutes, so you're going to have to stay on your bed.” The nurse left and Aubrey helped me get comfortable on my bed again. Another nurse came in to fix all my tubes and wires, I was leaning back, staring at the bland paint underneath the place where the TV hung.

 

“I can't believe I dislocated Chloe's finger.” I felt so bad for injuring my girlfriend, especially when all she had been doing was supporting me.

 

“You didn't mean to, Beca. It's a normal reaction, child labor isn't easy.” I glared a her.

 

“Thank you, Aubrey, I had _no_ idea.” someone knocked on the door. Chloe and Emily walked through, she had her finger wrapped up, and she looked as tired as me. “Hey, baby.”

 

“How are you feeling?” She sat in the chair next to my bed and ran her bandage free hand up and down my thigh. I only know that she was because I watched her do it, I couldn't feel anything from my belly button down.

 

“Better.” I breathed out. “How's your hand?” she lifted it for me to see.

 

“Doctor put some bandages and a splint on my finger for four to six weeks.”

 

“I'm so sorry, baby.” I pouted and stared down at her injured finger.

 

“It's okay, I'm okay, don't worry, worry isn't good for the girls.” I smiled at her and I looked at the monitor, their heart rates were normal, and apparently I was having another contraction. Could _barely_ even feel it.

 

What's the street name for this stuff?

* * *

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, sorry it's been a while. This chapter is a little short, I apologize in advance, it is a little angsty, so prepare yourselves.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

**Thirteenth hour in labor…**

 

Thirteen hours.

 

Still no babies’.

 

I'm starting to think that these girls definitely take after their mother. They are so beyond late, it's not even fashionably late anymore, it's obnoxiously and rudely late. I held Beca's hand as I sat at her side, she's in less pain then she had been hours ago, but she was exhausted, she tried to bribe and convince the nurse to just unhook her from all the machines so that she could come back tomorrow. Of course it didn't work, and the nurse told me:

 

_“Not the first time I'll ever hear that, but with all that dough she's talkin’ about, definitely the first time I've considered it.”_

 

It was hilarious. “How are we doing on those twins, Ms. Mitchell?” Dr. Ellison came through the door, pulling her gloves on like they do in the TV shows. Beca lolled her head to look at her, her eyes were puffy and red. She said nothing, but I'm sure Dr. Ellison got the message she was trying to convey through the silence. “I'm gonna go ahead and check, is that okay?” She nodded and I gave her hand a light squeeze, she didn't squeeze back due to the little accident earlier. Dr. Ellison uncovered her legs, and she positioned them to wear they needed to be, I looked away. Not because I'm embarrassed or anything, I've seen literally all of her, but she's currently in labor, we haven't had sex yet, and she's an extremely cranky woman when she's tired. So I think it would be best if I just averted my eyes rather than take it all in. Dr. Ellison clicked her tongue in disapproval, earning a worried stare from me and Beca.

 

“What? Is everything okay?” Beca asked, her voice was hoarse and low, but the underlying unease was prominent.

 

“You're going on your fourteenth hour?” Beca nodded and Dr. Ellison sighed as she took off her gloves, and moved to the sink in the suit to wash her hands. “We've administered the Pitocin, and we waited four hours, but you're only at eight, it's just not enough.” Beca nodded along trying to understand, I just sat at her side awaiting her reaction.

 

“Okay… so what does that mean?” Dr. Ellison took her glasses off, putting them in the pocket of her lab coat.

 

“Well, essentially, we are going to have to perform a C-section.” I saw Beca tense before shaking her head. I know how scared she is of any type of procedure, it was _literally_ like trying to pull teeth when I took her to get her wisdom teeth taken out. “Unfortunately, we have to. Your mucus plug is completely gone, and the amount of fluid inside of your uterus is not enough to keep the twins in a stable and safe condition, while it seems scary, it _is_ the safer choice.” I looked at Beca and she looked at me, I smiled encouragingly at her and kissed her knuckle, she nervously turned back to Dr. Ellison.

 

“Okay…” she muttered quietly. “Okay, I'll… I'll do it.”

 

“You will have twenty-five minutes to prep, the nurses will come and help you get into the proper attire, Ms. Beale.” I nodded at her and I kissed Beca's forehead.

 

“You're going to be fine.”

 

When I was dressed in my scrubs, I looked to my girlfriend, who, along with her blue cap, was wearing an expression of fear. “Babe,” I called for her, but she didn't look at me. “Babe, look at me.” She turned to me, I could see the tears forming in her eyes, I leaned forward to place a chaste kiss to her lips, and I held her face in my hands, keeping her gaze. “You're gonna be okay, you’re gonna go in there, and you're gonna come out with two beautiful daughters, and nothing else will matter.” She gave me a small smile, nodding only a little bit, making her fear less apparent as she thought of her daughters’ first cries.

 

“Ms. Mitchell, are you ready?” She breathed in, clutching my not mangled hand. She opened her eyes as she breathed out.

 

“Yes.” as they wheeled her hospital bed out of the room, I tried to keep my hold on her hand, trying not to fall behind everyone, and keep up. When we got to the operating room it smelled overwhelmingly like antiseptic and latex. When she was set up there, Dr. Ellison came in with her full scrubs on and a white mask. They brought in tanks, the heart monitor was hooked up to Beca, and she was laying on her back with her stomach exposed, a black dotted line across the space just under her navel, the tray of instruments took its place on the right side of the bed. There was a thin, paper like cloth over her lower half, just under the curve of her belly. The amount of medical tools and conversation going on in the room was slightly nerve wracking, but Beca needed to see that I was okay to be in here with her.

 

“Okay, Ms. Mitchell,” Dr. Ellison’s voice was muffled behind her mask, she turned around with a plastic anesthesia mask. “I’m gonna put this on your mouth and nose, I’m gonna ask you to count backwards from ten, can you do that?” Beca nodded, I let go of her hand so the doctor could get to her.

 

“Ten… nine… seven… wait… seve…” her words became mumbled and incoherent, her eyes fluttered a few times and Dr. Ellison started delegating to the surgeons. One of them wiped her stomach, Dr. Ellison sat on her stool with her scalpel ready, I kissed Beca’s temple and got close to her ear.

 

“I love you.”

 

* * *

 

The silence erupted with a gargled noise, and then a loud, small, high pitched wail filled the air around us. The nurse brought me a bright pink baby, screaming and crying, while her sister was in the arms of another nurse. “Oh my God!” I cried, the tears fell down my cheeks, I held her, she was beautiful. Her arms waved slightly, her face was unhappy and disgruntled, the cries continued. “Hi, little girl.” I stroked my finger down her cheek, I slightly bent next to Beca, the other nurse doing the same. “Here’s Mama, yes, here she is.” Beca tilted her head to look at us, her eyes were fluttering closed, she lifted her hand to her daughter’s fingers, it slowly fell, and then a rapid beeping sounded off in the room, breaking this moment. I stood up straight, a nurse came hustling toward me, she took the baby to clean her up, the nurse with her sister following. Everyone in the room seemed to be panicking, Beca’s eyes weren’t open anymore, my heart was beating out of my chest, I thought it was going to explode. “What’s happening?”

 

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to wait outside, you can’t be in here.” the nurse started pushing me out to the exit, I watched Beca get further and further from me, all the nurses swarming her till she was eventually out of view.

 

“What’s happening?” I asked the nurse pushing me out.

 

“We’re doing everything we can, Ma’am.” I was finally out the threshold, I looked inside through the window, watching whatever was happening, what was happening to my girlfriend? I couldn’t watch any longer or I'd faint. I moved to the chairs off to the side of the room, I sat there and waited for _someone_ to come out of the operating room. I felt hollow, I waited for the inevitable rip through my body, I waited for someone to tell me the worse news I could ever hear. I waited for it, and I waited for it, the suspense is bad, but it’ll be worse when someone comes out to tell me what was happening.

 

“Chloe?” Calamity came to sit next to me, I turned to look at here. “Why are you wearing scrubs? What are you doing out here?” she wasn’t my favorite person, but I had to turn my imagination off.

 

“She… she got a C-section.”

 

“How are the babies’?” she asked with a wide and excited smile. I smiled back, remembering the sound of their cries, and their little pink faces.

 

“They’re beautiful, they’re healthy.” I stared back at the wall, letting my smile and light tone drop.

 

“Where’s Beca?” she asked curiously.

 

“She’s still… she’s still in there.” I looked at her, she looked confused, her brow furrowed and her mouth drawn down at the corners.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know, they didn’t tell me, they just told me to come out here, I don’t know what’s happening because they haven’t told me, so I’m just waiting out here because I don’t know.” The sobs started building and I fell into her side, she held me close in a reassuring hug, I sobbed into her. I’m absolutely terrified of what’s happening in there.

 

“It’ll be okay.”

 

“I… I can’t lose her, Calamity.” I can’t. The pain will be unbearable. She didn’t say anything else, and I continued to cry. My lungs continued to burn, my throat still felt thick, the tears clouded my vision, my cries grew louder, each breath fell heavier than the last, getting closer to hyperventilating, and my heart still hurt, as if it were on the verge of breaking. I felt the hole in my chest beginning to form the longer I was away from Beca.

 

I can’t lose her.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ( _not sorry_ ) for the cliff hanger.
> 
> We're coming close to a close though, maybe three or four more chapters, and then we'll be done. If you guys want to see a sequel, let me know!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in forever, but I hope this kind of sort of makes up for it.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

**After the procedure…**

 

I'd been stuck in a thick fog, it was dark for the most part except for the dull murky light. I could barely hear was what going on, everyone was so muffled and distant like I was miles and miles away from them. It kind of felt like a huge pressure was taken out of my stomach. I felt my mind start to slice through the fog, there was a bright artificial light above me and other people. “Ms. Mitchell?”

 

“Beca?” Chloe was there somewhere but I couldn't see where.

 

“Ma'am, you'll have to wait-”

 

“She's my girlfriend!” I felt something jostle me and I slightly shook, I could see Dr. Ellison and a few other scrubbed faces standing over me. “Beca? Beca, can you hear me?” Soft hands graced my cheek, and there she was. She looked so beautiful, angelic almost in these harsh hospital lights.

 

“Chloe…” I opened my eyes as wide as I possibly could, still feeling extremely lethargic and disoriented. Her face was stained with tears, and she wore a watery smile. “Hey, beautiful.” I smiled at her and she laughed a little, she held my hand to her lips, pressing kisses to my knuckles. I heard the door open, I rubbed the heavy sleep out of my eyes and looked.

 

“Your daughters, Ms. Mitchell.” two nurses came up to my bed, I could see the swaddled burritos in their arms. They peeled their blankets from their bodies, a shrill cry sounded in the air, I sat up right at the upset, wanting to fix it when I was softly pushed back by my shoulders. I was going to protest, but then I was bombarded with a newfound weight on my chest, and the crying seemed to have stopped. I looked down to find two little faces pressed against me.

 

My daughters.

 

I felt the tears rush to my eyes, I began to cry, I brought my hand up to lightly run over their little brown haired heads. “Oh goodness,” I whispered to them, my throat was thick and the tears never stopped. “Hi, my pretty girls.” I laughed, I could swear that the one of my left side smiled at me, I smiled again. I smelled their heads, they smelled like baby lotion and baby powder, I kissed both of their crowns, and stroked my fingers over soft skin. “Mama loves you.” I closed my eyes and kept rubbing their little backs. “Mama loves you with all her heart.” the moment ended when the one on my right started crying, the one of the left echoing her sister. The smile on my face remained there as I undid my hospital gown. “Oh, you must be so hungry.” I cooed. I gave my nipple to the one on the right, I remembered everything the dula told me, I stuffed as much as I could in, and she latched perfectly. I listened to the little grunts until she soothed, and I did the same with her sister, they lied parallel to each other. It hurt, it ached, it felt like biting, I hoped that I’d be able to feed them both, but it seemed that both of them were content with their nutrition. “All better.” another nurse came to place a pillow under them to support them from the bottom since both of my arms were securely supporting the sides, and cradling their little heads. I gazed down at them, I felt the distant memory of a contraction, I shivered at the thought of all the pain for these two, but I could never come up with a better reason to hurt so much. My daughters are here, my daughters are well and alive, and I am the happiest person in the world.

 

“I’ll just give you a minute.” I looked up immediately, I’d completely forgotten that we weren’t the only three people in the room. Chloe was standing there with a soft smile as the nurses left. I looked back down at them, then up to Chloe who was just hovering on the other side of the room.

 

“Come here.” I beckoned her over as I pulled one of my daughters away after she was done feeding. She came and sat by my side in my bed, and she took her from my arms just as her sister finished feeding. She started to whimper, but Chloe was quick to soothe her.

 

“Oh, no, no, it’s okay.” I watched her interact with my daughter and I swear I could almost cry. “Beca… look.” her tone was filled with awe, I looked over and my jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. She had the same exact shade of navy blue that us Mitchell women had. It was chilling and beautiful.

 

“Oh my God.” She looked up at me, there were tears in her eyes, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes, and I knew she wasn’t happy. “What’s wrong?” I asked her, repositioning the baby girl in my arms to put my gown back over my chest. She started to silently sob while trying not to wake the babies, I wanted to comfort her, but my hands were full so I leaned over and barely managed to place a soft kiss on her cheek. “Hey, it’s okay.” she let out a shaky breath and wiped away her tears with her free hand.

 

“Sorry, I just…” she contemplated what she would say next. “I thought I was gonna lose you, and it-it _hurt,_ it hurt more than anything in the world.” she confessed in a hushed whisper. My heart broke listening to her, I could never imagine _losing_ losing her, seeing her with Chicago, or thinking of her being in vet school and moving away from me felt like someone was ripping the very soul out of my body.

 

I can’t.

 

“But you’re okay, _we’re_ okay.” She smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me softly, I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

 

“We are.”

 

* * *

 

**One day later...**

 

“They’re beautiful, little, frail things aren’t they?” Gail said as she stood up with one of them. I’d been laying down, napping, feeding, and up changing diapers, rinse and repeat.

 

“Bree, Bree, look! She’s opening her eyes!” Chloe waved her over as she looked over Gail’s shoulder. I carefully stood up, making sure the baby in my arms was still sound asleep. I tried to hurry as fast as I could, and when I got there she was blinking and I got a clear view of her dark blue eyes. Aubrey let out an uncharacteristic 'awe' and I saw the tears well in her eyes.

 

"You're such a closet softy, Posen." she playfully narrowed her eyes at me and continued to fawn over my daughter. “Hi, my love.” I whispered and kissed her forehead.

 

“Have you thought of any names yet?” Emily asked from behind me. I stood there for a second thinking of some.

 

“Yeah,” I looked at all the women in my room. “Emma and Olivia Mitchell.” All of them smiled and hummed collectively except for Emily and Chloe who were squealing in excitement.

 

“I love Olivia!” Chloe exclaimed, beaming at me. “Wasn’t that the name of the little girl on our flight?” I nodded and she smiled softly before kissing me and Emma. That was the same flight I told Chloe I loved her on. After she had said it first of course, but it was the first time I believed her and said it out loud to her.

 

“Middle names?” Aubrey asked me. I mulled it over and tried to think of some, but I kept drawing blanks.

 

“Don’t know yet.” I said lightly before walking around to the window. I heard the door open, and I turned around, one of the nurses was coming in with a large bouquet of wildflowers and balloons.

 

“These are from…” the nurse arched her eyebrow and stared at the card with an incredulous expression. “Somebody named ‘Fat Amy’.” I laughed and nodded, and stopped to smell the flowers.

 

“Did she just drop them off?”

 

“Yes, ma’am, but she went down to the cafeteria.” I nodded and said my thanks before continuing to hum to Emma. The door opened again, I thought it was Amy until I heard all the women in my room gasp. When I turned around I saw Theo standing there with a big brown teddy bear.

 

“Hi.” he looked terrified, and I would too if an entire room of women were glaring at me. He tapped his foot nervously and waited for my response.

 

“You have about two seconds before-”

 

“Aubrey,” I stopped her mid sentence and looked at all five of them. “It’s fine, could you guys give us a minute?” Aubrey’s face was stern and angry and when she looked at me her expression softened. She grabbed Stacie’s hand and lightly pushed Emily out the door, Gail handed Olivia off to Chloe, and Chloe looked at me with a wary stare before glaring at Theo.

 

“I’ll be right outside if you need me.” I nodded and let her kiss me on the cheek before she put Olivia in her bassinet. When the door clicked shut I looked back to Theo who stood there swaying slightly.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Hi.” He replied as he set the bear down on a chair in front of my bed. “I didn’t know there were two…” I glared at him as I walked over to Emma’s bassinet. “Right, right, sorry.” he quickly recovered, but I tried not to get so worked up since the girls were asleep. “How are you feeling?” He asked cautiously.

 

“I’m good.” I stood in front of him with a reasonable distance between us. The uncomfortable tension in the room was intense, I was surprised the girls couldn’t feel it. The silence carried for minutes on end until I had to change Olivia’s diaper. I started opening a new diaper and the wipes, Theo walked up behind me and handed me the baby powder. I smiled gratefully and started to get rid of little poo diaper. I handed it to him and he threw it in the small trash can in the bathroom. “Give me that pink onesie, please.” he grabbed it and put it in my hand, standing as far away as possible, obviously not knowing where his boundaries lie. “Thank you.”

 

“Not a problem.” He leaned up against the wall near the window. I picked up Emma when she started to whine. I rocked back and forth with her, singing softly into her ear with my eyes closed. When I opened them again Theo quickly looked away so I wouldn’t catch him staring. I took a deep breath and tried to control the mama bear inside of me.

 

“Do…” I started, his eyes snapped over to mine, waiting for me to say something. “Do you want to hold her?” He hesitantly nodded. I carefully walked over to him, he had his arms open and ready, and when I put her in his arms, I let go. “D-don’t forget to craddle her head.” I tucked her arm under her head and smiled at him. He hadn’t even been paying attention, he was so fixed on the tiny human in his arms. I gave him a minute, and I watched with a contented smile on my face. I remembered the last conversation we had, and I swallowed down my pride and anger so I could enjoy this moment.

 

“What are their names?”

 

“That’s Emma you’re holding, and Olivia is asleep over there.” I said softly walking over to kiss Emma’s forehead. “I still haven’t decided on any middle names yet.”

 

“I hope you put Mitchell-Priestley down for last names.” He joked. I playfully glared at him and lightly shoved his shoulder.

 

“We’ll see.” and then he smiled at Emma. I think we’re gonna be okay.

* * *

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone so long, life happens you know. Anyways, enjoy.

* * *

**Six days old…**

 

It's been six days since the twins were born and we came home.

 

Beca settled on Fiona for Emma's middle name like her grandmother's first name, and Blake for Olivia's middle name, like grandfather's first name. They have the most hair I've ever seen on a baby and they're so small and tiny, just absolutely precious. Beca spent almost a week in the hospital before she was discharged, and she was absolutely thrilled to know that all the furniture for the nursery was already assembled. The girls didn't sleep in their cribs at first, it was easy putting them down, but it didn't stay that way for long. The doctor said that it would be better to establish a schedule for them as soon as possible, but Beca is just so exhausted. Beca never seems to actually fall asleep in our bed, I always find her in the rocking chair in the nursery, she fell asleep in it more than once while breastfeeding. I would laugh, but she's so cranky some days I'm afraid to. They're a handful.

 

Literally.

 

“Babe?” I called out into our silent apartment. I walked down the hall to our room and peeked in, she wasn't there, and then across the hall in the nursery, the chair was empty. “Beca?” I walked out to the living room to find her asleep with Emma and Olivia on her chest. It was so cute I had to suppress my squeals so I didn't wake them. I pulled my phone out and snapped a picture of all of them.

 

My girls.

 

How did I get so lucky?

 

* * *

 

**Fifteen days old…**

 

“Shhhh, it’s okay, mama’s got you, shhhhh…” Beca fussed over Emma, she’d been crying for close to fifteen minutes without stopping, Beca was losing her mind at this point, but she wasn’t accepting my help. Olivia caught on and started to cry just like her sister. “Oh, no, not you too, Via.” Beca cooed as she rocked their swings. “Hey, hey, now, come on.” Tears began to fall from Beca’s eyes, I walked toward her, and grabbed her by the shoulders.

 

“Beca-”

 

“They won’t stop crying, I don’t know why they won’t stop crying, I don’t know-I don’t know what to do, I don’t-I don’t-” Olivia’s and Emma’s sharp cries tore through the air and Beca continued to sob, it was breaking my heart.

 

“Let me help, I’ll watch the girls-” she looked like I’d just slapped her across the face, her glare was icy and cold.

 

“I can’t _leave_ them, Chloe!” she yelled incredulously, making the girls cry louder. “Oh, no, no, no, mama didn’t mean to scare you.” she whimpered as she kissed both of their foreheads.

 

“Well, no, not _leave_ them, Becs,” she wasn’t listening, she was busy trying to stop the crying. “Just let me help.” I said in a small voice.

 

“I’m fine, I’m not leaving them, Chlo.”

 

“You can and you will.” both of our heads whipped around to see Aubrey, Stacie, Gail, Sheila, Corine, Beca’s Mother, and her father standing in the doorway.

 

“Let us take care of this, Mitchell.” Aubrey said with a stern voice.

 

“No, it’s fine, I got this.” her mother and Sheila laughed.

 

“Sure looks like you do.” Sheila’s voice was layered with a bit of sarcasm as well as concern.

 

“Let us take care of this, Bec.” her mother said softly, stepping forward to put her hand on her shoulder.

 

“There’s-there’s too much to do, I-I have to get it done, I don’t have time for this-”

 

“That’s why we’re here, sprout.” Sheila put her other hand on her shoulder, she looked at both of them with distressed eyes.

 

“Let the girls take care of you, we’ll be here.”

 

“Are you sure you can handle them?” she asked, unsure of leaving her daughters. They laughed again, Gail and Dr. Mitchell stepped further into the room to make space for Beca to get through to Aubrey and Stacie.

 

“We’ve all had our fair share of screaming infants, you have to trust us, Bec.” Corine pulled her into a hug and let her cry for a moment. I couldn’t have asked for a better time for them to be here to help. I almost started crying too.

 

“Okay, mama.” she let her shoulders slump, Sheila and Corine called dibs on Emma and Olivia almost immediately while Gail and Dr. Mitchell started to tidy up around the apartment. I walked into the bathroom to see Beca step out of the robe Sheila gave her while she was in the hospital. If I hadn’t been there the entire time, I would never believe she ever had any kids, she looked about the same as she did before she found out. She was still so beautiful. She stepped into the tub and let herself sink into the warm water, Stacie breezed past me and sat on the other end of the tub where Beca’s feet were propped up. She started to rub and massage them, I spotted her little nail and cuticle care box on the floor next to her feet.

 

“You’re doing fine.” Aubrey said warmly as she squeezed my shoulder before walking to the side of the tub with the first Harry Potter book in her hands, and she started to read it aloud. I took my place on the side next to her head, I grabbed the washcloth out of the water and squirted some of her favorite lavender body wash onto it. I ran it over her arms and across her chest, she hummed in a appreciation, and I smiled.

 

I loved seeing her so relaxed, it was the first time this week that she closed her eyes for longer than thirty seconds. She was trying so hard, she was on top of their schedules, on top of their laundry, on top of feeding, she left no time for herself, she only stopped for a ten minute shower to wash what she needed to wash, and she gave up on makeup completely. We share a bed, but she was barely ever in it these days, even though their schedule is established, she’s in their nursery making sure they’re still fast asleep. She needed this and I couldn’t be happier to help give it to her.

 

****

 

I love my life, I love my daughters, I love my girlfriend, and I love my family.

 

I’ve literally never had anyone look after me like these people do. Chloe must’ve been telling Aubrey how stressed I’ve been, and normally I would be upset. I stepped into some shoes and walked out of my room half expecting someone to come and shove me back in, but instead I was met with Chloe holding a few heart shaped balloons. “Happy birthday, babe.” She smiled warmly at me, I smiled back, but I froze immediately.

 

“It's my birthday?” I asked confusedly. Honestly, I don't bother keeping a calendar anymore, it's all the same to me. She chuckled at me, she must've thought I was kidding, I had just been about to tell her something when she kissed me sweetly.

 

“Yep. September twenty-second, nineteen-ninety-two.” She kissed me again and I almost forgot a second time. I couldn't remember the last time it was that I kissed her like this.

 

“You were so trapped in baby land you didn't remember and we didn't want to make you feel bad.” Emily said, walking up to meet us in the hallway. I smiled at her, I couldn't believe I forgot my own birthday.

 

Jesus.

 

“Come on, we're gonna be late.” Chloe said, tugging on my hand.

 

“Late where?” I asked, we walked past the nursery and I stopped abruptly to look at my mom, Gail, Sheila, and my dad hovering over their cribs.

 

They were asleep.

 

Holy shit, they were sleeping.

 

“Hey, mama.” Gail whispered to me. I waved and they all met me at the door to hug me. The happy birthday’s were said and I thanked all of them, especially for how quiet it was in the apartment now.

 

“How did you do it?” I asked in awe.

 

“The same way you did,” my mom said, sharing a look with my dad and Sheila. “With help.” I smiled again and I hugged them all after feeling Chloe impatiently tug at the hem of my shirt.

 

“My breast milk is in the fridge, you can't use the microwave, you have to use-”

 

“Bec, we know.” They all laughed while my dad just looked mildly uncomfortable with the breast milk topic coming up. “Go on, have fun.” I smiled at them one more time before going. When I walked out, our living room was flooded with Bellas.

 

“Oh my God.” they all quietly walked up to me to say happy birthday and hug me. “What are you guys doing here?” I whisper yelled as we all walked out to the hall so we didn't wake Emma and Olivia.

 

“You think we'd ever miss out an opportunity to take advantage of your beach privileges?” Cynthia Rose asked me. I laughed and shoved her shoulder. “Happy birthday, Cap.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright, and this one is from Amy.” Chloe handed me a crinkly, lumpy mound of wrapping paper. I tore it off to see a beautifully knitted blanket. I pulled it completely out of the wrapping and unfolded it.

 

“I meant to have that sent in before they were born, but I guess the design took a little long.” Amy said sheepishly, knowing that I know she just hadn't checked her mail again.

 

“It's alright, Ames.” I unfolded it and read the front. It said 'Hello Baby’ in the middle, it was beautiful, and so simple. I heard snickering from behind the blanket.

 

“Really, Amy?” I heard Aubrey ask. I dropped the blanket to look at them with curious eyes.

 

“What?” Chloe grabbed it from me, letting our fingers brush. She turned the opposite side around to me so I could read it. My face fell flat and I glared at Amy.

 

 _“'Goodbye Taint’?_ Really, dude?” she started to laugh and she high fived Stacie. “God, what am I going to do with you two?” I asked no one in particular. Perhaps a higher power, the aca-gods maybe? I'm starting to sound like Aubrey.

 

“This one is from Jessica and Ashley.” Chloe gave me a box with a flatter gift wrapped on top with a neat bow. I unwrapped the bigger one first, it was from Ashley, I pulled the shimmery blue paper out of the way to see a Thorens TD 124 turntable.

 

“Oh shit…” I squeaked. Everyone told me to keep going and I unwrapped the thinner package. It was a vinyl record of the original St. Louis Blues from 1932. The first time we'd gone out to karaoke we went to this little run down bar on the far other side of the city, I sang that song as soon as I saw the list, they were so awestruck by my runs, even Cynthia Rose was shook and no one can top her runs. I got up and ran over to them, they sat across from me at the table. I kissed their cheeks and gave them individual hugs. “Thanks, Ashley.” I said into the brunettes shoulder. I moved to Jessica and squeezed the life out of her. “Thank you, Jessica, I love it.” Everyone gasped and when I pulled away, they were both staring at me with wide eyes. “What?”

 

“You know which one is which?” Stacie asked me. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

 

“Well, yeah, they've only been here literally the whole time.” I could see them starting to tear up until Jessica cleared her throat and looked at me with nothing but seriousness.

 

“What's my name?” She asked with a thick voice.

 

“Jessica Smith.” I answered with a confused voice. She started to laugh and then she pulled me into a massive hug.

 

“Wait, wait, wait, what's my name?” Ashley asked me.

 

“You're Ashley Jones.” I laughed when I was pulled into another hug.

 

“Thank you.” Jessica whispered into my neck.

 

“Thank you so much for this.” Ashley continued. I don't understand exactly how important their names are to them, but how could everyone just not recognize or remember that these two wonderful women are so amazing? Jessica and Ashley never failed to meet me outside of Baker Hall during freshman year before rehearsals for the first two weeks after becoming a Bella, they always tried to include me in their small talk even though at the time I wasn't looking for friends. Throughout the years, on certain occasions Jessica would bring me some of her homemade brownies when I felt homesick and Ashley accompanied her with a thermos of milk. These girls have been literally amazing to me pretty much ever since we met.

 

“I love you guys.” I mumbled against them. Soon all the Bellas joined and it was just one big massive group hug in the middle of a restaurant on the beach.

 

This is what family is, but I'm really starting to miss mine.

 

* * *

 

I held Olivia while Emma stayed in my mother's arms. They were so little, and so young, and full of life. I can't wait to see what they turn into. “They're so small aren't they?” Esther asked me.

 

“Yeah, they are.” I said fondly, finding comfort in their warmth.

 

“They're almost the same size as my dead iguana.” Then there was Lilly again.

 

“Yeah…” I hesitated to look in her direction so I just addressed my mom. “Thanks for looking after my girls.” I smiled and watched her eyes tear up. She's still not used to me saying that.

 

“Anything for my baby’s babies.” She said back as she let a single tear roll out of her eye. She gave Emma to Chloe and she kissed my forehead. “You take care of her now, she may have two babies, but she was my last one.” Chloe laughed at her joke and kissed her on the cheek.

 

“Yes, ma'am.”

 

“Bye, Bec, I'll call you in the morning.” She kissed my forehead for a long time before letting go. “I love you.” She kissed Emma's and Olivia's foreheads as well.

 

“I love you too, mama.” Chloe took her seat next to me as all the Bellas chatted away in the kitchen, my new record played quietly through our apartment. I looked at Chloe with Emma and I realized that in another life, I must have done something right to deserve this amazing, beautiful, smart, passionate, charismatic, and selfless woman in my life. “Thank you.” I didn't think twice about saying it, I just said it. “Thank you for all of this…” she nodded and smiled.

 

“It was my pleasure, babe.”

 

“And thank you for loving me, really.” She leaned over to kiss me and I knew that I wanted to marry her.

 

“I'm always gonna love you, Bec.”

 

“And I am always gonna love you.” Olivia started to whimper and I dropped a kiss onto her little furrowed brow. “Don't worry, I’ll always love you too.” I laughed as she stopped. “She's a jealous one.”

 

“Just like her mom.” Chloe teased. I nudged her with my foot and rolled my eyes.

 

“Hey, take it back!”

 

“Oh, you love it.”

 

“No, I just love you.” I smiled into our kiss and all of the sudden it was like it was just us four.

 

****

 

I want to marry this girl.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept thinking: hmm Jessica and Ashley never _really_ get any love so why not?


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I finally got around to writing another chapter.
> 
> The next chapter will be the last one before I wrap it up. 
> 
> I'm planning a sequel, but I'm not sure when that'll happen, so just bear with me and hang in :)
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

**Halloween…**

 

The twins are a month and two weeks old, and they’re so big. Beca started going on walks with them to get some sun exposure, and I come when I’m not in class. We’ve been making sure they have tummy time so when it’s time to crawl they can do it without so much struggle. We’re not going trick-or-treating but we are handing out candy. Beca’s dressed up as a witch, really just a witch hat and all black clothes, and the girls are both cats. “Trick or treat!”

 

“Would you look at you guys! I love your costumes!” I watched Beca from the couch, giving away all the candy. “One for Mulan, one for Spiderman, and one for…” she looked at him and his camo pants and I could see the light bulb in her head go off. “The Fortnite character!” The boy laughed and did a funny dance before leaving the doorway. “Be safe you guys! Happy Halloween!” After Beca closed the door, she walked over to me and sank into the couch. “We are officially out of candy.”

 

“Wait… then what's that bag over there for?” Beca plucked up the bag of variety fun size candy bars and opened them.

 

“This one is for us so we can watch Hocus Pocus.” What?

 

 _“You_ want to watch Hocus Pocus? You hate movies.” She popped a Snickers into her mouth and looked at me like I was crazy.

 

“It's Bette Midler, baby.” I laughed and then one of the girls cries was heard over the baby monitors. Both of us got up to go get them, but when we got to the room Amy was already there holding Emma, rocking her back and forth.

 

“No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no. It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love.” I smiled at the adoring look on Beca's face as she watched our most rambunctious friend soothing her child like an expert.

 

“Come on, babe.” I whispered into her ear, she turned to me with wet eyes and I ran my thumb over her cheekbone. “Are you crying?” She just shrugged and she smiled instead of denying it, even though the evidence was there. She's soft and that's okay. She feels like everyone else and that's fine. She cares and she cries and that's okay too. She's gentle and loving, and that is amazing.

 

* * *

 

**November…**

 

“You're so hungry, aren't you, my love?” we sat at the park with Calamity, Emily, Stacie and Bella, it was a nice day out and Beca wanted to go out, but not far from home. I was holding Olivia, her brown curls stuck out of her little Slytherin beanie, as I watched her take in our surroundings. Her denim eyes matched Beca's and I could just get lost in all the innocence in them. Every day, they get so big, watching Emma and Olivia grow is the most beautiful thing I've seen and I get to have a front row seat to it all.

 

I looked at Beca, who was feeding Emma, and I just admired the way all the cold layers were shed to reveal this new person that Beca was with her daughters. She's always been protective over the people she loves, and she cares more than she'll let on, and she would bend over backwards for all of us, but this new love she has for her daughter's exceeds all limits. She would die for her children and I know this because she almost did. Sometimes it makes for a very hot make out session, but we haven't gotten past that yet, but I know she'll be just as tender and soft when there's no other barriers between us.

 

“Excuse me, but I'm trying to have a picnic with my son, could you cover up maybe? Or-or go to a bathroom?” Beca's eyes met the man's.

 

“I'm covering her with a blanket, sir, I'm sure you can't see anything anyhow.”  She waited for him to respond and he furrowed his brow as he mulled it over.

 

“But can’t you just take it somewhere private? There's a family bathroom just over there.” Beca just stared back at him and I was in pure shock, I wanted to throttle him, but instead I found Beca's hand and squeezed it with just as much force as she did.

 

“Why should the baby have to eat her lunch in the bathroom? Nobody makes you eat your lunch in the bathroom.” I seethed. The man looked at me, the only boy on the playground wasn't even concerned with what was happening, and that made the situation even more idiotic.

 

“It's making me uncomfortable having to watch this.” He said a little louder, with an irritated tone that seemed to turn the heads of the other three women that were with us.

 

“There's only one bench at the playground, _facing away_ from us, if you don't want to see,” Stacie stood in front of Beca, she set a rigid stance and glared at him, making him take a step back. “Don't look.”

 

“Listen, I just don't want my son seeing that and I'm sure you wouldn't want your daughter seeing somebody exposing themselves, it makes people uncomfortable.”

 

“Can you try to figure out how uncomfortable you're making us right now?” Calamity spoke up and stood slightly in front of me and Olivia. “Because I think everyone can agree that it wasn't uncomfortable until you got here.”

 

“And what type of sick person,” Emily started with a harsh voice I've never heard before. “Sexualizes something perfectly natural to human beings? How can you look at a mother feeding her child and see that as ‘exposing herself’ instead of providing and feeding her kids?” Emily stridded over and stood beside Stacie, I didn't miss how their hands brushed and their pinkies hooked together for a second. “Maybe you should watch your kid instead of perving on her for feeding her daughter.” He looked at all the mean mugs on our faces and clicked his tongue before walking away. We all looked at Emily with surprise and she shrugged at us. “What?”

 

“Where did _that_ come from?” Beca laughed as she wiped away a few tears.

 

“‘She protec, she attac, and most importantly she a snac.’” Stacie said taking the spot next to her. I'll have to get Stacie to spill the tea.

 

“Thank you guys.” Beca looked at all of us and then directly at me. “For everything.” I can't help the tears in my eyes and the way I glanced down at her lips, but I kissed her and it was soft, and I know that we're ready.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good? Need improvement? Let me know!
> 
> The song Amy is singing to Emma is I Won't Say I'm in Love off the soundtrack of Hercules.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ifionlyhadmorepaper


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally arrived to the end of this story!! YAY!!! :))))
> 
> I am deeply sorry for keeping you all waiting for so long, but I finally had the inspiration to write one last chapter, so I hope this isn't underwhelming :)

* * *

  **The week after Thanksgiving…**

 

“Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la. Tis the season to be jolly fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la. Dawn me now, our gay apparel, fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la…” I followed behind Beca, pushing the shopping cart, as she pushed the twins in the double stroller. We drove to Seattle for Thanksgiving so Corine could see the girls, and ever since we came back, Beca has sang nothing but Christmas music.

 

Beca had _always_ loved Christmas, even as a standoffish and moody nineteen year old, she always sported a red Santa hat and sang that one Christmas carol I could never remember the name of. She'd sent Emily to the crafts section for fleece and hot glue to make stockings, and paper ornaments for later, even though it's not even Christmas yet. I can't stop her though, she just looks so happy. “Hey, baby?”

 

“Yes, love?” I shook away my daydream and moved to stand beside her.

 

“I don't like any of these trees.” I looked at them, not finding anything wrong with them.

 

“What about this one? It's pretty and pre-lit-” when I turned back to her, I already saw her staring longingly out the doors of the store, near the greenery. There was a whole lot, filled with Christmas trees, real ones like the ones my mom never let us get because they'd make messes.

 

She always talked about them, about how before the divorce, they'd find the biggest, thickest tree they could find and spend the entire day decorating it. She hasn't had a real Christmas tree since then. “Babe?”

 

“What? Yeah, yeah, sure…” she trailed off and kept pushing the stroller. “Go ahead and get it.” I took one look at her and the lot, and I headed straight for it.

 

A big burly man stood in front of me, with a match hanging out of his mouth and a thick beard with a single pine needle poking out. “What can I help you with?”

 

“Hi, yes, I'd like to see your biggest trees, please.”

 

****

 

“Where's mommy?” I asked, with my hands covering my face. I waited three seconds and then: “There she is!” I ripped my hands away from my face to watch them laugh at me. A part of me wonders if they think this game is stupid. The other part of me really likes to play this game because they laugh.

 

I carry on, looking for Chloe, she disappeared a few aisles back, but she must've just gotten distracted by something. It was always hard to shop with Chloe, I laugh to myself.

 

I honestly can't wait for Christmas this year. It'll be my first Christmas with a family of my own, not with the Bellas or my mom and dad, but with my daughters. It's something I didn't see happening soon, or at all really. I didn't see myself having kids so soon, but it’s also hard to imagine what my life would be if I didn’t.

 

“Emily, has Chloe passed through here yet?” I asked, as I approached her in front of the glitter shelf.

 

“No, sorry, but do you think we should do gold glitter or silver?” I bit my lip in an effort not to laugh at her investment in our DIY Christmas Stocking plans for later.

 

“I don’t know, which one screams ‘Christmas’ to you?” She held her chin and frowned in deep thought, until she nodded slowly and then looked at me seriously.

 

“You’re right we’ll just get them both.” I winked and clicked my tongue.

 

“Atta girl, now help me find Chloe so we can leave.” Emily made funny faces over my shoulder as we casually rolled through the aisles, searching for Chloe, and then my phone started ringing. It was Chloe. “Hey, baby, where are you?”

 

“I’m actually not feeling great right now, my blood sugar is pretty low, so I’m sitting in the car.” I tried to hurry our steps to the register, in efforts to get to her quicker.

 

“Oh, baby, do you need me to grab anything?” I mouthed to Emily, “She’s sick.” and Emily quietly gasped and a worried expression took over her lips, as she put everything on the belt.

 

“Just some Sweet Tarts so I can make it to dinner.” Chloe murmured into the phone. I smiled a little at how cute she sounded when she was sick. Not that I’d ever wish she was sick, but she always gets cuddly, more than usual, and her lip juts out in a sort of permanent pout and she’s just so much more softer than usual, if that’s even possible.

 

“Okay, we’ll be there soon, okay? Hang tight. I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” I put a roll of Sweet Tarts on the belt and a Sprite, watching them roll up to the cashier.

 

As we walked to the car, I let Emily push the stroller, and I held the bags, and we got closer to Amy’s limo. Chloe stood outside of it, leaning against the passenger door. “Hey, babe.” I stood toe to toe with her and put a kiss on her lips.

 

“How are you feeling?” I asked, pinning her hips to the car.

 

“Not too great,” she grimaced. “I may have had a little accident in the back.” my eyes went wide and my mouth dropped open.

 

“Oh, like a, like a Puke Gate accident?” she nodded and I bobbed my head and stepped away. “Okay, okay, you know what? Not a big deal, Amy has cleaning stuff in the trunk, we can take care of this.” I put the bags down next to her feet and walked to the trunk. I pulled out the paper towels and bleach spray, and disinfectant spray, and walked to the door. Chloe just looked at me with an arched eyebrow, and I sighed.

 

“This wouldn’t be the first time anybody threw up in here.” she frowned and shook her head. “I know, gross.” I opened the door, prepared to see a mess, but instead I saw a huge tree, lying on the floor of the limo inside of a net, coming close to the edge of the seats. It was huge, but I was confused. I slowly set the cleaning materials down on the floor, not taking my eyes off the tree as if it would attack me when I wasn’t looking. “Um, Chloe?”

 

“Yes?” I could basically hear the coy smile she was definitely wearing.

 

“What’s with the tree?” I turned around, and sure enough, there was that smirk, but there was an underlying amount of adoration and sincerity I could always see first.

 

“You haven't had one since you were twelve, and you always said that decorating the tree with your family was always your favorite part, so I thought it’d be nice to start the tradition again.” I could feel my eyes watering, and my lip quivering. I could never understand how somebody so _good_ could be reserved for me, could just fall into my lap and stay there no matter how many times I’ve pushed her away, she’s still here and I am amazed by it. How could she be so perfect?

 

“Baby…” I whispered, with a shaky breath. “You did this? For me?” she walked up to me and put her forehead on mine.

 

“I’d do anything for you.” she muttered against my lips, as she punctuated her sentence with a kiss. “And for the girls.” she wiped my tears away and cupped my face. The look in her eyes sent a chill through me, all the hairs on my body stood up straight, and I felt a tug in my stomach. She looked at me like no one else ever has. “Because I love you.” and just like that, I crashed our lips together, hurried and frantic, but so perfect and amazing. She tasted like coffee, and she smelled like cinnamon, and it was all just so right, I couldn’t think of a better place to be that in a parking lot in front of a huge pink Hummer limo with a Christmas tree stuffed inside. When we separated she laughed and I grinned so wide, I felt like my face was going to crack.

 

Then, I remembered the candy she’d asked for and I pulled away to study her face. “What was that candy for then?”

 

“Oh, I just wanted candy.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

 

“Of course.” I mumbled against her lips. When we got settled in the car, I started the engine and I glanced over at her. “I love you too, by the way.”

 

****

 

We made a mess of the apartment. There was glitter and popcorn all on the table, and on the floor, from where Emily was making stockings, and Stacie was making popcorn garlands, and Amy laid on the floor with the girls eating popcorn. It was great though, decorating the tree together. I watch Beca’s face the whole time, watching her grin and laugh at memories, I assume. It was amazing to see her so happy and giddy.

 

……

_“You know, you could help Ames.” Beca suggested with a flat voice, as she trimmed the tree._

 

_“Yeah, but I think your daughters need my assistance for tummy time.” I looked down at her and watched her play with the girls on the floor. I looked up and saw Beca watching them with a soft smile. She caught my eye and winked at me, and continued her work._

 

_“Emily, can you pass the silver glitter?” She placed it in my hand, and turned back to talking animatedly with Stacie about her Christmas experiences. I drew my name in glue first and sprinkled the glitter over it, and I listened to Holly Jolly Christmas._

……

 

The tree was finished by dinner. The fact that it’s still November makes me laugh a little. I threw the trash in the bin outside, and I walked back inside to the elevator. Not even the radio stations played Christmas music yet, but we spent the entire day decking the halls.

 

When I reached our door, I grinned at the wreath that hung there. Upon first sight, no one would guess that Beca was a crazed Christmas fan, but I guess that’s the best part of Beca. I never knew what to expect from her, but when she revealed something new, the deeper in love I fell.

 

I pushed open the door to find the TV with some sort of video fireplace, and the lights were dimmed. “Babe?”

 

“I’ll be right out, just putting the girls to sleep.” I nodded to no one and walked to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine. I sat at the table and took a small sip, reveling in the quietness after a long day of laughter and music. It gave me time to reflect.

 

Then, out of the silence, Santa Baby started to play and I heard footsteps behind me. “Hey, baby.” Beca whispered into my ear. I gulped and felt a tingle in my toes from how close she was.

 

“Hey.” She came around the chair to stand in front of me, she wore a long trench coat and red high heels. Instead of the natural pink lipstick she always wore, she had a bold red coating her lips and light eye makeup. I took in her appearance, feeling each breath fall heavier at the sight of her. I didn’t quite understand what was happening, but I didn’t mind her attire for it. “Whatcha doin’?” she shushed me and kneeled in front of me.

 

“Just relax, baby, have some wine.” all I could do was nod, completely dumbstruck by how husky and sexy her voice sounded to me. She stood up again, and started untying the trench coat, holding it closed by her crossed arms. She began to move to the music, making perfect figure eights with her hips, letting me see that she wasn’t exactly wearing a lot by letting the coat fall down her shoulders little by little.

 

My girlfriend was stripping for me, and I could only sit there like a lump on a log.

 

Soon, the whole trench coat fell to the ground, along with my hanging jaw. She stood there in front of me, dancing to Santa Baby in nothing but a red bra with matching red panties, and red garters. I feel like I ate a handful of sand, she tilted her head to the side, playfully and grinned wickedly. “See something you like?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yes.” I nodded frantically,  like an idiot. She sauntered up, and put her foot up on the chair, between my knees. She leaned forward, glancing down at my lips and then my eyes.

 

“Good.” she whispered against my lips. She took her foot off and walked back around me, I tried to follow her with my eyes, to appraise her gorgeous figure, but she lightly grabbed the side of my face, making me face forward.

 

She began to rub my shoulders and she lowered her face down to nibble at my ear. “You were _very_ sweet today, my love.” I just let her touch me. Maybe if I just let her touch me, she’d finally touch me like how she knew I wanted her to.

 

“I thought you might enjoy something a little sweet too.”

 

“What about the girls?”

 

“I sent them with Stacie and Emily.” she hummed.

 

“Oh.” she kissed my neck, all the way up my jaw and to the corner of my mouth. She came around, and bent over in front of me, slowly coming back up with a smoldering stare in her eyes, I felt like I was burning from the inside out. She kept dancing with her back to me, the music changed from Santa Baby to Santa Claus is Back in Town by Elvis Presley. Then, she turned around and dropped down to her knees, and pushed mine apart. She dragged her whole body up mine, and then she swung a leg over my lap, and straddled me.

 

I put my hands on her hips, reflexively, but she softly brushed them away, shaking her head no. “Not yet, baby.” she swirled her hips on me, eyes burning with desire. She crossed her arms behind my head, and she kissed everywhere except my mouth, my cheeks, my neck, my nose, lowly humming along to the lyrics. I groaned, and she chuckled at my impatience, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

 

“Please?” I whimpered, not even bothered by how needy I sounded, all I knew was that I needed her that very instant. She sat back on my thighs and looked as if she were considering it.

 

“Well, since you said ‘please’.” she let a coy smile cross her lips, and she let me kiss her. Using her leverage, she tangled her hands in my hair and tilted my head up, kissing me and kissing me like the only oxygen she would ever find was in my mouth. I let my hands come down to rest on the smooth skin on her lower back, and she moaned gratuitously into our kiss.

 

When we broke apart, I latched my lips onto the side of her neck, and kissing up to the column of her throat. She whimpered and I smirked against her skin, moving to leave kisses across her collar bone, and when I finally got to her chest I looked up at her with pleading eyes. She nodded, breathlessly, moving her hand to the back and unclasping her bra in one go.

 

Christmas _definitely_ came early.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger ;) (no I'm not)
> 
> Song rec: 
> 
> Santa Baby by Eartha Kit
> 
> Santa Claus is Back in Town by Elvis Presley
> 
> How was it? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? Let me know.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave your thoughts! I appreciate all of them! Till next time!


End file.
